Life Is it possible to have a best friend who is the opposite sex? - Page 3

El Jefe · 01-07-2010, 05:24 PM

I have pondered this, and I think it is virtually impossible. I have had 3 girls who I would consider best friends at points in my life, but all 3 came to a crashing end. They eventually came to a part where they wanted a dating relationship and I did not. I think for a guy to have a girl who is their best friend, the guy either has to be gay or the girl has to be married for it to work. At least in the kind of girls I deal with.

The most recent was a girl I posted about on here last year, we had known each other since we were kids. We dated for a couple of months while she was in her senior year. Then I cut it off when she went to college, and I thought things were cool. We were best friends up until this year, she has had a boyfriend for the last 5 years, and we were fine. Now that I have a girlfriend, she actually told me I either choose to date my current girlfriend or her friendship. So I chose to date this girl, and we have not spoke since, and I never saw it coming, she completely changed once I found somebody. I couldn't have cared less when she got a boyfriend, but apparently when we agreed to just be friends she still deep down wanted something more.

Anyone have any thoughts on this, Im sure it will change as the age group of the girls I am around continue to grow older each year. All of these girls except one are in college still FTR.

El Jefe · 01-07-2010, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

Is love worth losing your best friend?

Better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all. So yes.

Demonpenz · 01-07-2010, 06:01 PM

i have some girls that are just friends they aren't what I am looking for in a girl.

JD10367 · 01-07-2010, 06:02 PM

I think it's possible, but it's difficult. If there's any attraction there whatsoever, it will get in the way at some point. Of course, it depends on the people involved, their ages (probably easier to do it at 40 than at 20), whether or not they have significant others, whether or not they "did it" in the past (probably easier to be friends with someone you've already f**ked and decided it wasn't going to work out as a romantic relationship).

ziggysocki · 01-07-2010, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

Is love worth losing your best friend?

Cross thread humor from the HOC amirite?

**Bearcat** · 01-07-2010, 06:13 PM

Yes... my roommate is a very attractive female who has a boyfriend, and it's not a problem for anyone (and no, I'm not gay). I have a few other really good female friends, some married, some not.... there have conversations about a SO possibly having an issue, but nothing's ever happened and I've never broken off a friendship because it went too far or due to jealousy or any other issues.

I don't see the big deal. Granted, I'm not all that threatening, but I'm not hopeless when it comes to dating, either.... and I've dealt with it both ways, where I'm the one who is interested or they're the one interested.

It's mostly about respect of everyone involved, and being grown up about it.

SDChiefs · 01-07-2010, 06:15 PM

When you learn to figure out women, write a book about it. You will be richer than Bill Gates. Most women I know, can't even understand women.

**Rain Man** · 01-07-2010, 06:23 PM

My best friend in grad school was a woman who was probably 22 years old and single, and at the time I was 29 and married. And my best friend in my first Denver job was a married woman about my age. In both cases, we were good friends for a long time until our life circumstances changed, and we still do the Christmas card exchange.

I imagine that if all parties were single, there would've been dating involved in each case. But in all cases at least one of us was married, so nothing ever happened or was even considered or discussed. We were just good friends.

Having said that, I guess there are three caveats:

First, as donger said, one's spouse is one's best friend by default. I'm talking about best friends outside marriage.

Second, we were best friends in our common environments, but not outside it. At grad school, I hung out with my friend and we had lunch together and did projects together and stuff, but it's not like we did anything socially outside school. When the day was done, we went home. In the work environment, it was the same deal. We ate lunch together and tried to get on projects together and maybe once or twice in six years we snuck out early to a happy hour, but that was it. (There were a few business trips in that case too, which is why we tried to work on projects together since you'd end up eating dinner together and stuff and you didn't want to hang out with coworkers you didn't really like, but there weren't many of those.) These people were definitely my best friends at the time and I spent lots of time with them at school and at work, but when you're married, you tend to do almost all your social stuff with your spouse.

Third, "best friend" can be defined different ways. I have a handful of past friends that I see once every two or three years who have Hall of Fame status, and I view them differently than my definition of a "best friend". I view a "best friend" as a person who I currently spend my time with and talk to frequently, but my "best friend" at any given time may not be Hall of Fame stature.

SPATCH · 01-07-2010, 06:27 PM

One of my closest friends is a girl. She's awesome. She has the most masculine line of thinking of any girl that I've ever met, and she has an incredible sense of humor. She happens to be very attractive, too. We became very close friends four years ago and I can't tell you how many times we've slept in the same bed, yet we've never been intimate. It is a 100% platonic relationship.

Countless people have informed me on how strange they think our relationship is... and I always tell them that I completely agree. It's strange as shit. I never saw it coming/didn't think it was possible either.

**Reaper16** · 01-07-2010, 06:57 PM

Of course it is possible. Most of my good friends from college are women. Some of them were in comitted relationships and some were single. Sometimes I was in a relationship and sometimes I was single. Either way, it was cool.

JD10367 · 01-07-2010, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the_spatula

One of my closest friends is a girl. She's awesome. She has the most masculine line of thinking of any girl that I've ever met, and she has an incredible sense of humor. She happens to be very attractive, too. We became very close friends four years ago and I can't tell you how many times we've slept in the same bed, yet we've never been intimate. It is a 100% platonic relationship.

Countless people have informed me on how strange they think our relationship is... and I always tell them that I completely agree. It strange as shit. I never saw coming/didn't think it was possible either.

#1: you sure you're not gay?

#2: pics of her, please.

**DaneMcCloud** · 01-07-2010, 07:01 PM

I was "best friends" with a girl in high school. We were never romantic in any way, shape or form, just good friends. She was (and still is) very attractive to this day.

We're still close but separated by life and 2,000 miles.

**Rain Man** · 01-07-2010, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the_spatula

One of my closest friends is a girl. She's awesome. She has the most masculine line of thinking of any girl that I've ever met, and she has an incredible sense of humor. She happens to be very attractive, too. We became very close friends four years ago and I can't tell you how many times we've slept in the same bed, yet we've never been intimate. It is a 100% platonic relationship.

Countless people have informed me on how strange they think our relationship is... and I always tell them that I completely agree. It strange as shit. I never saw coming/didn't think it was possible either.

You've slept in the same bed? What is that about? I've had a lot of friends in my life, and I've never slept in the same bed with any of them, male or female. Yeah, maybe on a band trip we had to go two to a bed, but that was a budget decision by the band director. That wasn't my call. But even then they were guys. How the heck were you sleeping in the same bed with a female friend? And I'm sorry, but friend or not I'm going to have to penalize you major points for doing that and not making a move. That's unacceptable manly behavior right there.

Mr. Laz · 01-07-2010, 07:07 PM

only if one of them is completely disinterested in the other.

but even then it's not really best friends ... it's master/love slave without the sex.

**luv** · 01-07-2010, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laz

only if one of them is completely disinterested in the other.

but even then it's not really best friends ... it's master/love slave without the sex.

Wanna be my friend?

Frazod · 01-07-2010, 07:12 PM

Yes. She's one of my best friends and the mother of my goddaughter.

Of course, 20 years ago she ripped my heart out, tore it to little pieces, lit them on fire and then pissed on the ashes, but after the next one did all that and worse, I got over it. I'd probably count on her to be there for me over anybody else on Earth.

01-07-2010, 05:24 PM
El Jefe Don't tread on me. Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Where the peaches grow Casino cash: $9030572	Is it possible to have a best friend who is the opposite sex? I have pondered this, and I think it is virtually impossible. I have had 3 girls who I would consider best friends at points in my life, but all 3 came to a crashing end. They eventually came to a part where they wanted a dating relationship and I did not. I think for a guy to have a girl who is their best friend, the guy either has to be gay or the girl has to be married for it to work. At least in the kind of girls I deal with. The most recent was a girl I posted about on here last year, we had known each other since we were kids. We dated for a couple of months while she was in her senior year. Then I cut it off when she went to college, and I thought things were cool. We were best friends up until this year, she has had a boyfriend for the last 5 years, and we were fine. Now that I have a girlfriend, she actually told me I either choose to date my current girlfriend or her friendship. So I chose to date this girl, and we have not spoke since, and I never saw it coming, she completely changed once I found somebody. I couldn't have cared less when she got a boyfriend, but apparently when we agreed to just be friends she still deep down wanted something more. Anyone have any thoughts on this, Im sure it will change as the age group of the girls I am around continue to grow older each year. All of these girls except one are in college still FTR.
Posts: 8,540

01-07-2010, 06:01 PM	#32
Demonpenz Woman should only make babies Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Apartment "G UNIT!" Casino cash: $-193864	i have some girls that are just friends they aren't what I am looking for in a girl. __________________
Posts: 54,934

01-07-2010, 06:02 PM	#33
JD10367 Cheaterlover* Join Date: May 2009 Location: RI Casino cash: $10010716	I think it's possible, but it's difficult. If there's any attraction there whatsoever, it will get in the way at some point. Of course, it depends on the people involved, their ages (probably easier to do it at 40 than at 20), whether or not they have significant others, whether or not they "did it" in the past (probably easier to be friends with someone you've already f**ked and decided it wasn't going to work out as a romantic relationship).
Posts: 12,916

01-07-2010, 06:13 PM	#35
Bearcat Would an idiot do that? Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Arizona Casino cash: $-845069	Yes... my roommate is a very attractive female who has a boyfriend, and it's not a problem for anyone (and no, I'm not gay). I have a few other really good female friends, some married, some not.... there have conversations about a SO possibly having an issue, but nothing's ever happened and I've never broken off a friendship because it went too far or due to jealousy or any other issues. I don't see the big deal. Granted, I'm not all that threatening, but I'm not hopeless when it comes to dating, either.... and I've dealt with it both ways, where I'm the one who is interested or they're the one interested. It's mostly about respect of everyone involved, and being grown up about it.
Posts: 59,454

01-07-2010, 06:15 PM	#36
SDChiefs Veteran Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Americas Finest City Casino cash: $8000778	When you learn to figure out women, write a book about it. You will be richer than Bill Gates. Most women I know, can't even understand women.
Posts: 2,321

01-07-2010, 06:23 PM	#37
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-452449 VARSITY	My best friend in grad school was a woman who was probably 22 years old and single, and at the time I was 29 and married. And my best friend in my first Denver job was a married woman about my age. In both cases, we were good friends for a long time until our life circumstances changed, and we still do the Christmas card exchange. I imagine that if all parties were single, there would've been dating involved in each case. But in all cases at least one of us was married, so nothing ever happened or was even considered or discussed. We were just good friends. Having said that, I guess there are three caveats: First, as donger said, one's spouse is one's best friend by default. I'm talking about best friends outside marriage. Second, we were best friends in our common environments, but not outside it. At grad school, I hung out with my friend and we had lunch together and did projects together and stuff, but it's not like we did anything socially outside school. When the day was done, we went home. In the work environment, it was the same deal. We ate lunch together and tried to get on projects together and maybe once or twice in six years we snuck out early to a happy hour, but that was it. (There were a few business trips in that case too, which is why we tried to work on projects together since you'd end up eating dinner together and stuff and you didn't want to hang out with coworkers you didn't really like, but there weren't many of those.) These people were definitely my best friends at the time and I spent lots of time with them at school and at work, but when you're married, you tend to do almost all your social stuff with your spouse. Third, "best friend" can be defined different ways. I have a handful of past friends that I see once every two or three years who have Hall of Fame status, and I view them differently than my definition of a "best friend". I view a "best friend" as a person who I currently spend my time with and talk to frequently, but my "best friend" at any given time may not be Hall of Fame stature. __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
Posts: 145,246

01-07-2010, 06:27 PM	#38
SPATCH birth of spatch Join Date: May 2008 Casino cash: $10006207	One of my closest friends is a girl. She's awesome. She has the most masculine line of thinking of any girl that I've ever met, and she has an incredible sense of humor. She happens to be very attractive, too. We became very close friends four years ago and I can't tell you how many times we've slept in the same bed, yet we've never been intimate. It is a 100% platonic relationship. Countless people have informed me on how strange they think our relationship is... and I always tell them that I completely agree. It's strange as shit. I never saw it coming/didn't think it was possible either. Last edited by SPATCH; 01-07-2010 at 07:50 PM.. Reason: pssshh.. apostrophes
Posts: 4,569

01-07-2010, 07:01 PM	#41
DaneMcCloud Supporter Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Hollywood, CA Casino cash: $10053648	I was "best friends" with a girl in high school. We were never romantic in any way, shape or form, just good friends. She was (and still is) very attractive to this day. We're still close but separated by life and 2,000 miles.
Posts: 88,960

01-07-2010, 07:07 PM	#43
Mr. Laz Don't Tease Me Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: KS Casino cash: $11047037	only if one of them is completely disinterested in the other. but even then it's not really best friends ... it's master/love slave without the sex. __________________
Posts: 95,626

01-07-2010, 07:12 PM	#45
Frazod Did you hear what I said? Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $-556615	Yes. She's one of my best friends and the mother of my goddaughter. Of course, 20 years ago she ripped my heart out, tore it to little pieces, lit them on fire and then pissed on the ashes, but after the next one did all that and worse, I got over it. I'd probably count on her to be there for me over anybody else on Earth.
Posts: 121,706