Hypothetical: Enter the witness protection program here.

[Rain Man]

State your interest and I will assign you a new life, along with that of your real or hypothetical spouse.

Here's mine:

Male name: BRYON
Female name: PAMELA
Surname: BARLOW
Location: Winnebago County, Iowa
Male occupation: Audio-Visual and Multimedia Collections Specialists
Annual Salary: $39,500
Female occupation: Tellers
Annual Salary: $31,700
Your Main Hobby: Astrology
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Skiing

I wish they had assigned me a first name with a standard spelling, but my new job sounds okay. Kind of a cold place to live, though.

[Spott]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I don't know if you need an escape, but I've prepared one for you. This one may have been taken from an old script of "My Name Is Earl".

Male name: NED
Female name: JAMIE
Surname: GRABOWSKI
Location: Taylor County, West Virginia
Male occupation: Self-Enrichment Education Teachers
Annual Salary: $39,600
Female occupation: Switchboard Operators, Including Answering Service
Annual Salary: $26,300
Your Main Hobby: Bodybuilding
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Roller skating

Well, the last name sounds like Lebowski so that would be cool. Don't know where Taylor county is, but hopefully it's close to Snowshoe ski resort. It sounds like my wife would be a roller derby girl, which should be quite interesting.

[MOhillbilly]

i knew a guy who took more than he could get rid of and when the man for his payment the guy went into witness protection for two decades.

[Pepe Silvia]

Lets do it but make my name Donald R. DiCicco.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

i knew a guy who took more than he could get rid of and when the man for his payment the guy went into witness protection for two decades.

I bet his identity isn't as good as yours.

Male name: LUTHER
Female name: HERMINIA
Surname: PRIVETT
Location: Kittitas County, Washington
Male occupation: Insulation Workers, Floor, Ceiling, and Wall
Annual Salary: $33,000
Female occupation: Set and Exhibit Designers
Annual Salary: $46,300
Your Main Hobby: Book restoration
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Watching movies

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by PackerinMo

Lets do it but make my name Donald R. DiCicco.

How about an Alaskan sewer job as an aspiring novelist named Dwight?

Male name: DWIGHT
Female name: TAMI
Surname: ASHLEY
Location: Southeast Fairbanks Census Area[5], Alaska
Male occupation: Water and Wastewater Treatment Plant and System Operators
Annual Salary: $36,700
Female occupation: Roustabouts, Oil and Gas
Annual Salary: $49,700
Your Main Hobby: Creative writing
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Calligraphy[6]

[Sorce]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I hope you have some Korean in your background, or the mob will find you quickly. If whales make it into Lake Michigan, Agnes will be happy, though.

Male name: JEFFERSON
Female name: AGNES
Surname: YOON
Location: Van Buren County, Michigan
Male occupation: Proofreaders and Copy Markers
Annual Salary: $19,200
Female occupation: Carpet Installers
Annual Salary: $25,300
Your Main Hobby: Exhibition drill
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Whale watching

I don't like mine, FMB can kill me and I'll try my luck in the reincarnation thread.

[Rooster]

Originally Posted by Hog Farmer

Already in the program.

That would explain the career path.

[wazu]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

You may be black, but I'm not sure. If not, you're Persian. That should make it easy to fit in.

Male name: DARIUS
Female name: LYNNE
Surname: POPE
Location: Washington County, Colorado
Male occupation: Medical and Health Services Managers
Annual Salary: $72,700
Female occupation: Railroad Conductors and Yardmasters
Annual Salary: $77,300
Your Main Hobby: Origami
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Table tennis

Only from the waist down.

[ChiliConCarnage]

I've recently gotten on the wrong side of the Jesuit World Order. I'm pretty scared they're going to hurt me. I believe the Patriots winning the Super Bowl was a message from them to me.

[Amnorix]

The Patriots winning yet another Super Bowl has put some CP members with "interesting friends" hot on my tail. "Shut that Chowdah up. PERMANENTLY!" was recently overheard during a Poe/Berry franchise tag discussion. I need to go on the lam, quick.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by ChiliConCarnage

I've recently gotten on the wrong side of the Jesuit World Order. I'm pretty scared they're going to hurt me. I believe the Patriots winning the Super Bowl was a message from them to me.

They'll never expect to find you in Nantucket fixing watches and doing curls.

Bruce and Willa is a fun name for a couple, by the way. It makes me think of Die Hard, which is what you're hoping not to do in the Witness Protection Program.

Male name: BRUCE
Female name: WILLA
Surname: HARTSFIELD
Location: Nantucket, Town and County of, Massachusetts
Male occupation: Watch Repairers
Annual Salary: $17,500
Female occupation: Materials Scientists
Annual Salary: $52,600
Your Main Hobby: Bodybuilding
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Lego building

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Amnorix

The Patriots winning yet another Super Bowl has put some CP members with "interesting friends" hot on my tail. "Shut that Chowdah up. PERMANENTLY!" was recently overheard during a Poe/Berry franchise tag discussion. I need to go on the lam, quick.

We think you'll be safe in rural Wisconsin working in a bank. Your only risk is if they connect your new name to the Three skit with attorneys.

Male name: KENDRICK
Female name: TRACEY
Surname: CHEATHAM
Location: Barron County, Wisconsin
Male occupation: Tellers
Annual Salary: $22,100
Female occupation: Wholesale and Retail Buyers, Except Farm Products
Annual Salary: $59,200
Your Main Hobby: Cryptography
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Auto racing

[Fire Me Boy!]

Originally Posted by wazu

Only from the waist down.

You should wash your legs once in a while.

[ChiliConCarnage]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

They'll never expect to find you in Nantucket fixing watches and doing curls.

Bruce and Willa is a fun name for a couple, by the way. It makes me think of Die Hard, which is what you're hoping not to do in the Witness Protection Program.

Male name: BRUCE
Female name: WILLA
Surname: HARTSFIELD
Location: Nantucket, Town and County of, Massachusetts
Male occupation: Watch Repairers
Annual Salary: $17,500
Female occupation: Materials Scientists
Annual Salary: $52,600
Your Main Hobby: Bodybuilding
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Lego building

Wow, interesting.
My wifes hobby She's lucky she's pulling in the dough!

[Amnorix]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

They'll never expect to find you in Nantucket fixing watches and doing curls.

Bruce and Willa is a fun name for a couple, by the way. It makes me think of Die Hard, which is what you're hoping not to do in the Witness Protection Program.

Male name: BRUCE
Female name: WILLA
Surname: HARTSFIELD
Location: Nantucket, Town and County of, Massachusetts
Male occupation: Watch Repairers
Annual Salary: $17,500
Female occupation: Materials Scientists
Annual Salary: $52,600
Your Main Hobby: Bodybuilding
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Lego building

Combined salary of $52,600 in Nantucket. Presumably they live in a doghouse, or else their housing is paid for by the Feds.

Your summers will rock, your winters will SUCK, and you will really enjoy the seafood, if you can actually afford it.