Hypothetical: Enter the witness protection program here.

[Rain Man]

State your interest and I will assign you a new life, along with that of your real or hypothetical spouse.

Here's mine:

Male name: BRYON
Female name: PAMELA
Surname: BARLOW
Location: Winnebago County, Iowa
Male occupation: Audio-Visual and Multimedia Collections Specialists
Annual Salary: $39,500
Female occupation: Tellers
Annual Salary: $31,700
Your Main Hobby: Astrology
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Skiing

I wish they had assigned me a first name with a standard spelling, but my new job sounds okay. Kind of a cold place to live, though.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by rockymtnchief

You're getting sent to California. Nobody would look for you there.

Apparently you're going to have to pretend that you're 80.

Male name: MORRIS
Female name: LORRAINE
Surname: BURG
Location: Barnwell County, South Carolina
Male occupation: Hearing Aid Specialists
Annual Salary: $39,800
Female occupation: Veterinary Assistants and Laboratory Animal Caretakers
Annual Salary: $30,500
Your Main Hobby: Antiquities
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Dance

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by wazu

Sign me up!

You may be black, but I'm not sure. If not, you're Persian. That should make it easy to fit in.

Male name: DARIUS
Female name: LYNNE
Surname: POPE
Location: Washington County, Colorado
Male occupation: Medical and Health Services Managers
Annual Salary: $72,700
Female occupation: Railroad Conductors and Yardmasters
Annual Salary: $77,300
Your Main Hobby: Origami
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Table tennis

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by bevischief

In.

An HR assistant who paints and lives in the Upper Peninsula. The mafia will never stay awake long enough to find you.

Male name: WILBUR
Female name: ALYSON
Surname: HOLLOWELL
Location: Ontonagon County, Michigan
Male occupation: Human Resources Assistants, Except Payroll and Timekeeping
Annual Salary: $46,300
Female occupation: First-Line Supervisors of Farming, Fishing, and Forestry Workers
Annual Salary: $67,700
Your Main Hobby: Painting
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Gymnastics

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Hydrae

Psst, you should check out Sorce. He was using some food related word that started with P so he may be that Petey guy you'se looking for.

One word for you. NASCAR.

Male name: ANTOINE
Female name: VANESSA
Surname: CLAAR
Location: Wilson County, Tennessee
Male occupation: Credit Analysts
Annual Salary: $98,500
Female occupation: Combined Food Preparation and Serving Workers, Including Fast Food
Annual Salary: $16,000
Your Main Hobby: Motor sports
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Volleyball

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Squalor2

sign me up. i could use a relocation. i was in the jehovah witness protection program until recently. i thought i had it made but i screwed up and somebody up on the watchtower spotted me. i cant sleep. worrying about that inevitable knock on the door. and those guys on a bike, yeah they’re keeping tabs.

I wonder if your wife tries to shoot you when you're coming down, just to combine your hobbies.

Male name: ERIK
Female name: LATISHA
Surname: RAMSDELL
Location: Newton County, Mississippi
Male occupation: Surgical Technologists
Annual Salary: $48,200
Female occupation: Cashiers
Annual Salary: $15,100
Your Main Hobby: Skydiving
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Airsoft

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Bowser

I once did a thing for the people at the place. I could use a hand.

You have a good solid Midwestern identity other than that suspiciously foreign hobby.

Male name: MASON
Female name: ESTER
Surname: BLACKSHEAR
Location: Lincoln County, Wisconsin
Male occupation: Accountants and Auditors
Annual Salary: $66,600
Female occupation: Recreational Therapists
Annual Salary: $53,000
Your Main Hobby: Origami
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Motor sports

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by ClevelandBronco

I ratted out my boys. Help!

You're apparently easily entertained.

Male name: CARMINE
Female name: MILLICENT
Surname: SELL
Location: Webster Parish, Louisiana
Male occupation: Physical Therapist Assistants
Annual Salary: $54,500
Female occupation: Urban and Regional Planners
Annual Salary: $37,800
Your Main Hobby: Stone skipping
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Jewelry making

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by theelusiveeightrop

Can I live in Montana in the summer and Arizona in the winter?

Well, here's another fine mess I've gotten you out of. (fussing with tie).

Male name: OLLIE
Female name: LENORA
Surname: RIEHL
Location: Menard County, Illinois
Male occupation: Secretaries and Administrative Assistants, Except Legal, Medical, and Executive
Annual Salary: $21,500
Female occupation: Drafters, All Other
Annual Salary: $73,100
Your Main Hobby: Deltiology*(postcard collecting)
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Color guard

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by threebag02

I like toast

If your wife is good at impersonating a surgeon, you can afford a lot of it. Why are you even working?

Male name: LESLIE
Female name: JILL
Surname: HOLLY
Location: Placer County, California
Male occupation: Electrical and Electronics Repairers, Commercial and Industrial Equipment
Annual Salary: $61,100
Female occupation: Surgeons
Annual Salary: $342,600
Your Main Hobby: Acting
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Genealogy

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Ebolapox

I'm in, make it quick... They're onto me already

We need you to become the best curling Mexican artist in all of south Texas.

Male name: ELISEO
Female name: SHIRLEY
Surname: CONCEPCION
Location: Karnes County, Texas
Male occupation: Art Directors
Annual Salary: $59,400
Female occupation: Locomotive Firers
Annual Salary: $70,500
Your Main Hobby: Curling
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Deep web

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Dartgod

Do me, do me!

I hope you're into the performing arts.

Male name: RANDELL
Female name: CHRISTINE
Surname: GALLAGHER
Location: Adams County, Idaho
Male occupation: Art, Drama, and Music Teachers, Postsecondary
Annual Salary: $54,000
Female occupation: Entertainers and Performers, Sports and Related Workers, All Other
Annual Salary: $24,000
Your Main Hobby: Crocheting
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Drawing

[KS Smitty]

Don't know how more anonymous I can be with a name like Smith.

[Buzz]

Originally Posted by KS Smitty

Don't know how more anonymous I can be with a name like Smith.

Alex?

[ClevelandBronco]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

You're apparently easily entertained.

Male name: CARMINE
Female name: MILLICENT
Surname: SELL
Location: Webster Parish, Louisiana
Male occupation: Physical Therapist Assistants
Annual Salary: $54,500
Female occupation: Urban and Regional Planners
Annual Salary: $37,800
Your Main Hobby: Stone skipping
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Jewelry making

"Carmine?" Shit. Like that ain't going to sound like a connected guy in hiding in Webster Parish. I'm a dead man.

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Okay, let's protect you from those ruffians.

Male name: BRAD
Female name: MIA
Surname: MANCILLA
Location: Esmeralda County, Nevada
Male occupation: Weighers, Measurers, Checkers, and Samplers, Recordkeeping
Annual Salary: $23,200
Female occupation: Pipelayers
Annual Salary: $31,000
Your Main Hobby: Water sports
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Genealogy

Do you think you'll specialize in weighing or measuring?

I think I'd like to be a checkers specialist. Like those old guys in town on Petticoat Junction. I'll do some weighing, measuring, and sampling on the side.

Water sports in Nevada, huh? Lake Mead or Bunny Ranch?