Hypothetical: Enter the witness protection program here.

[Rain Man]

State your interest and I will assign you a new life, along with that of your real or hypothetical spouse.

Here's mine:

Male name: BRYON
Female name: PAMELA
Surname: BARLOW
Location: Winnebago County, Iowa
Male occupation: Audio-Visual and Multimedia Collections Specialists
Annual Salary: $39,500
Female occupation: Tellers
Annual Salary: $31,700
Your Main Hobby: Astrology
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Skiing

I wish they had assigned me a first name with a standard spelling, but my new job sounds okay. Kind of a cold place to live, though.

[threebag]

I like toast

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by patteeu

I need to a new life so AARP can't keep tracking me down with these solicitations.

Okay, let's protect you from those ruffians.

Male name: BRAD
Female name: MIA
Surname: MANCILLA
Location: Esmeralda County, Nevada
Male occupation: Weighers, Measurers, Checkers, and Samplers, Recordkeeping
Annual Salary: $23,200
Female occupation: Pipelayers
Annual Salary: $31,000
Your Main Hobby: Water sports
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Genealogy

Do you think you'll specialize in weighing or measuring?

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Pawnmower

Im game

I bet you and your wife will have to feign very strong interest in gold and silver coins.

Male name: ROBIN
Female name: ANNMARIE
Surname: HAMPSON
Location: Davis County, Iowa
Male occupation: Industrial Machinery Mechanics
Annual Salary: $63,500
Female occupation: Personal Care Aides
Annual Salary: $29,400
Your Main Hobby: Coin collecting
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Element collecting

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by dlphg9

Do me, do me

That's a pretty cool name you got assigned. And you'll have to become a fan of teacher's unions.

Male name: SOLOMON
Female name: BRIDGET
Surname: LUM
Location: Rains County, Texas
Male occupation: Biological Science Teachers, Postsecondary
Annual Salary: $92,700
Female occupation: Recreation and Fitness Studies Teachers, Postsecondary
Annual Salary: $90,500
Your Main Hobby: Element collecting
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Hiking/backpacking

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Sorce

I put provel on spam and need to disappear before FMB finds me.

I hope you have some Korean in your background, or the mob will find you quickly. If whales make it into Lake Michigan, Agnes will be happy, though.

Male name: JEFFERSON
Female name: AGNES
Surname: YOON
Location: Van Buren County, Michigan
Male occupation: Proofreaders and Copy Markers
Annual Salary: $19,200
Female occupation: Carpet Installers
Annual Salary: $25,300
Your Main Hobby: Exhibition drill
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Whale watching

[Ebolapox]

I'm in, make it quick... They're onto me already

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!

I hope witness protection makes you my neighbor. I don't want to travel far to hunt you down.

I hope you can cook kosher.

Male name: JONAS
Female name: KATHARINE
Surname: WASSERMAN
Location: Dallas County, Iowa
Male occupation: Hotel, Motel, and Resort Desk Clerks
Annual Salary: $28,900
Female occupation: Real Estate Brokers
Annual Salary: $58,800
Your Main Hobby: Lapidary
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Embroidery

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by stumppy

They're after me. It's all a misunderstanding but I gotta get outta here.

I knew a girl named Rowena in elementary school. I hope she got a little more polished before you married her.

Male name: WARD
Female name: ROWENA
Surname: STEPHAN
Location: Richmond County, North Carolina
Male occupation: Nuclear Technicians
Annual Salary: $115,000
Female occupation: Nursing Assistants
Annual Salary: $32,000
Your Main Hobby: Genealogy
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Baton Twirling

[Dartgod]

Do me, do me!

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by GloucesterChief

Point Roberts, WA has an estimated 5% of its population made up of people in witness protection.

How odd. You'd think that the mafia chiefs would get together and save money on a major hit there.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Spott

Read an interesting article a while back on Linkedin about faking your own death, which is a little different but basically ends up with you trying to anonymously live a brand new life.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/so-yo...beth-greenwood

I don't know if you need an escape, but I've prepared one for you. This one may have been taken from an old script of "My Name Is Earl".

Male name: NED
Female name: JAMIE
Surname: GRABOWSKI
Location: Taylor County, West Virginia
Male occupation: Self-Enrichment Education Teachers
Annual Salary: $39,600
Female occupation: Switchboard Operators, Including Answering Service
Annual Salary: $26,300
Your Main Hobby: Bodybuilding
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Roller skating

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Pestilence

I'm in.

I like the consistency of yours. A TSA agent who flies model airplanes in the plains of west Texas. It's almost too good.

Male name: EARLE
Female name: CASANDRA
Surname: STAUFFER
Location: Crosby County, Texas
Male occupation: Transportation Security Screeners
Annual Salary: $35,500
Female occupation: Dental Hygienists
Annual Salary: $84,200
Your Main Hobby: Model aircraft
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Record collecting

[Fire Me Boy!]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I hope you can cook kosher.



Male name:JONAS

Female name:KATHARINE

Surname:WASSERMAN

Locationallas County, Iowa

Male occupation:Hotel, Motel, and Resort Desk Clerks

Annual Salary:$28,900

Female occupation:Real Estate Brokers

Annual Salary:$58,800

Your Main Hobby:Lapidary

Your Spouse's Main Hobby:Embroidery

We're not practicing Jews.

Also re: my hobby.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by scho63

I was sent here from 'da boys in Jersey to find a few of yous .......

Anyone see Rocco Ravioli?
How about Sal Salami?
Louie Lasagna?
Matty Manicotti?
Petey Prosciutto?

I bet you have to take Cristina to the Caribbean every year to keep your cover. Nice work.

Male name: WILLIE
Female name: CRISTINA
Surname: DULEY
Location: Hamlin County, South Dakota
Male occupation: Astronomers
Annual Salary: $52,400
Female occupation: Instructional Coordinators
Annual Salary: $41,000
Your Main Hobby: Woodworking
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Scuba diving

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Bwana

In

You're a rappelling lounge singer married to the girl behind the counter at Wendy's. No one will suspect a thing.

Male name: ZACHARY
Female name: CLARICE
Surname: HALLIDAY
Location: Lowndes County, Georgia
Male occupation: Musicians and Singers
Annual Salary: $70,100
Female occupation: Cooks, Fast Food
Annual Salary: $21,600
Your Main Hobby: Rappelling
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Metal detecting