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Old 12-24-2014, 03:36 PM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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Gay Day With Clay VI: Return of the Fed-I
Puke Claywalker has returned to his home planet of Postooine in an attempt to rescue his friend Han Trollo from the clutches of the vile gangster Clarka the Hunt.

Little does Puke know that the CHECKDOWN EMPIRE has secretly begun construction on a new armored ennui station even less powerful than the first dreaded Dink Star.

When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore touchdowns to the franchise...

So let's do this shit.

I wake up in the morning and spend some time with my girlfriend. She's always there for me. I'm actually getting work done here. Yes, i get to watch Jay Cutler getting sacked for work. It's a swell gig.



Let's get ready for our gay day. It's a bit chilly so I decide to wear corduroys. I got them on sale from Jos. A Bank!



Here's our first stop! Look at all those ****ing TVs. I already have a TV but just walking into Sam's Club and seeing them all gives me wood.



What should we ****ing buy at Sam's Club? All the necessities...hummus, celery, apples, mother****ing tuna because this growing boy needs his protein...also I'm 33 in seven days and don't want to lose my hair. **** you. I'm heading this shit off at the pass. Also, I am a cheap bastard and I'm not springing extra for Rogaine.



FUUUUUU*******. This is indeed a Star Wars themed Gay Day. I didn't buy these but just walking past them makes me hop in the air and click my heels together.



OH MAN I WALKED PAST THIS THOUGH AND YOU BET I BOUGHT IT.



**** yes. I am slightly European, so these will go great with my super gay tea breaks. 10 bucks for the whole tin, too. I love Sam's Club. The Force is strong with me, mother****er.



Speaking of Lucasfilm references, look, it's Indiana ****ing Jones! I have a moment of regret, because I'm also wearing a leather jacket, and could have brought my fedora. I could have totally posed with this guy. ****.



I skip the gratuitous slice of Sam's Club pizza and decided it's lunchtime. **** going to these places, though. If you eat at Panera bread you are either fat, a really stupid college girl, or just have terrible taste in restaurants. Actually, all three of those things more than likely.



THIS IS WHERE I'M EATING. **** ALL OF YOU WHO DON'T LIKE IT.



Hey look, pagan symbols and pitch awards. I'm ****ing down. This is also my first time here.



Would you look at all that food that will make me shit the rainbow later. LET'S DO THIS. God this place smells wonderful. It's time to feed myself.



I get my first plate. The service here sucks and they don't even bring me water. I had to get my own utensils. No ****s given. I'd rather not tip a dirty hindu anyway.



My water ****ing arrives after an extra from Temple Doom finally gets done with his human sacrifices, and I begin my second plate. This food is awesome. Kali Ma, shakti de!



KALI MAAAAAAAAA! KALI MAAAAAAAAA! The Daal is a bit runny, but it's all gonna be runny in a few hours so no big deal. I am ****ing stuffed. Note that I didn't get a refill on my water, because ****ing Punjab was too busy ripping some guy's heart out and lowering him into a pit of lava.



We pause for a second to reflect on life. Current attitude: gluttonous. I am a Fed-I, like my father before me. GET IT. I FED MYSELF, SO I AM A FED-I. Oh, **** you.



We're not done ****ing around with indian shit, so let's go next door.



YES. Look at all this shit. **** Price Chopper, Hyvee and Aldi. This place is where it's at.



Also to be ****ed: your American swill cookies. I get my cookies imported. Also, they're called "biscuits." You philistines.



Hit the second post and see how we end this adventure.
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:02 PM   #76
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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Originally Posted by crazycoffey View Post
I don't buy Oreos, btw.
Chips Ahoy? Keebler shite?

I am positive you are eating shitty cookies.
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:09 PM   #77
crazycoffey crazycoffey is offline
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You look like Kliff Kingsbury with fetal alcohol syndrome.
Isn't that the guy married to the only hot kardashian over the age of 21?
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:11 PM   #78
crazycoffey crazycoffey is offline
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I happen to look fabulous.
Totally heard this with Matt stone's lisp
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:12 PM   #79
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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Originally Posted by crazycoffey View Post
Totally heard this with Matt stone's lisp
I'm thuper, thankth for athking!
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:12 PM   #80
crazycoffey crazycoffey is offline
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Originally Posted by Count Alex's Losses View Post
Chips Ahoy? Keebler shite?

I am positive you are eating shitty cookies.
Last cookie I ate was an asian stripper from Dallas after my second divorce. She was nice.......
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:13 PM   #81
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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Originally Posted by crazycoffey View Post
Last cookie I ate was an asian stripper from Dallas after my second divorce. She was nice.......
NO. IN YOUR PANTRY YOU HAVE SWEET TREATS.

IDENTIFY THEM.
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:13 PM   #82
crazycoffey crazycoffey is offline
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I'm thuper, thankth for athking!
What's the gay lion say?
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:13 PM   #83
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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Originally Posted by crazycoffey View Post
What's the gay lion say?
Roar, tiger!
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:14 PM   #84
crazycoffey crazycoffey is offline
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NO. IN YOUR PANTRY YOU HAVE SWEET TREATS.

IDENTIFY THEM.
Only treats in my pantry are dog treats.
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:15 PM   #85
Ming the Merciless Ming the Merciless is offline
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Genius as usual.

We probably don't deserve to be this blessed.


Good stuff my friend
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:22 PM   #86
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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Only treats in my pantry are dog treats.
I BET THEY AREN'T BRITISH
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:25 PM   #87
Deberg_1990 Deberg_1990 is offline
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Originally Posted by Count Alex's Losses View Post
NO. IN YOUR PANTRY YOU HAVE SWEET TREATS.

IDENTIFY THEM.
Quit trying to get in his pants.....errrr......uhhhh....pantry
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:28 PM   #88
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It was good, but I think I prefer the buffet at Taj Mahal. Need to try Korma Sutra.
Taj Mahal sucks ass.
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:32 PM   #89
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Taj Mahal sucks ass.
Where should I go, you ****ing elitist?
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:39 PM   #90
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Where should I go, you ****ing elitist?
I like India Palace on 87th in OP.

Was very disappointed when I ate at Taj Mahal.
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