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Old 12-24-2014, 03:36 PM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Gay Day With Clay VI: Return of the Fed-I

Puke Claywalker has returned to his home planet of Postooine in an attempt to rescue his friend Han Trollo from the clutches of the vile gangster Clarka the Hunt.

Little does Puke know that the CHECKDOWN EMPIRE has secretly begun construction on a new armored ennui station even less powerful than the first dreaded Dink Star.

When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore touchdowns to the franchise...

So let's do this shit.

I wake up in the morning and spend some time with my girlfriend. She's always there for me. I'm actually getting work done here. Yes, i get to watch Jay Cutler getting sacked for work. It's a swell gig.



Let's get ready for our gay day. It's a bit chilly so I decide to wear corduroys. I got them on sale from Jos. A Bank!



Here's our first stop! Look at all those ****ing TVs. I already have a TV but just walking into Sam's Club and seeing them all gives me wood.



What should we ****ing buy at Sam's Club? All the necessities...hummus, celery, apples, mother****ing tuna because this growing boy needs his protein...also I'm 33 in seven days and don't want to lose my hair. **** you. I'm heading this shit off at the pass. Also, I am a cheap bastard and I'm not springing extra for Rogaine.



FUUUUUU*******. This is indeed a Star Wars themed Gay Day. I didn't buy these but just walking past them makes me hop in the air and click my heels together.



OH MAN I WALKED PAST THIS THOUGH AND YOU BET I BOUGHT IT.



**** yes. I am slightly European, so these will go great with my super gay tea breaks. 10 bucks for the whole tin, too. I love Sam's Club. The Force is strong with me, mother****er.



Speaking of Lucasfilm references, look, it's Indiana ****ing Jones! I have a moment of regret, because I'm also wearing a leather jacket, and could have brought my fedora. I could have totally posed with this guy. ****.



I skip the gratuitous slice of Sam's Club pizza and decided it's lunchtime. **** going to these places, though. If you eat at Panera bread you are either fat, a really stupid college girl, or just have terrible taste in restaurants. Actually, all three of those things more than likely.



THIS IS WHERE I'M EATING. **** ALL OF YOU WHO DON'T LIKE IT.



Hey look, pagan symbols and pitch awards. I'm ****ing down. This is also my first time here.



Would you look at all that food that will make me shit the rainbow later. LET'S DO THIS. God this place smells wonderful. It's time to feed myself.



I get my first plate. The service here sucks and they don't even bring me water. I had to get my own utensils. No ****s given. I'd rather not tip a dirty hindu anyway.



My water ****ing arrives after an extra from Temple Doom finally gets done with his human sacrifices, and I begin my second plate. This food is awesome. Kali Ma, shakti de!



KALI MAAAAAAAAA! KALI MAAAAAAAAA! The Daal is a bit runny, but it's all gonna be runny in a few hours so no big deal. I am ****ing stuffed. Note that I didn't get a refill on my water, because ****ing Punjab was too busy ripping some guy's heart out and lowering him into a pit of lava.



We pause for a second to reflect on life. Current attitude: gluttonous. I am a Fed-I, like my father before me. GET IT. I FED MYSELF, SO I AM A FED-I. Oh, **** you.



We're not done ****ing around with indian shit, so let's go next door.



YES. Look at all this shit. **** Price Chopper, Hyvee and Aldi. This place is where it's at.



Also to be ****ed: your American swill cookies. I get my cookies imported. Also, they're called "biscuits." You philistines.



Hit the second post and see how we end this adventure.
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:13 PM   #61
ThaVirus ThaVirus is offline
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Is that a facehugger by your computer?
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ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:22 PM   #62
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Originally Posted by crazycoffey View Post
Shitty restaurants
Shitty stores
Shitty casshole jersey
Shitty poster
And shit in the can


It's a multi layered shit thead!!!! Even Simplex would be proud of you......
Yo.

TJ Maxx, Sam's Club and Ruchi are NOT shitty.

Those places own hard.

I bet you buy Oreos from ****ing Hyvee.

EUROPEAN BISCUITS ALL UP IN MY MOUF
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:22 PM   #63
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Originally Posted by ThaVirus View Post
Is that a facehugger by your computer?
Yeah. He keeps trying to impregnate me but I just swat him away and LOL.

Horny little bugger.
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:38 PM   #64
George Liquor George Liquor is offline
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You look like Kliff Kingsbury with fetal alcohol syndrome.
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:41 PM   #65
Reaper16 Reaper16 is offline
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Great job. Want to try and draft your magic brick? I'll bring the 20 sided die. (plus a few spare 6 sided for when I cast healing salve)
What kind of jank ass deck did you draft if Healing Salve made the cut to 40?
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:42 PM   #66
BigCatDaddy BigCatDaddy is offline
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I think i'll go for a walk outside now
Lil Chiefys callin my name
(i hear ya now)
I just can't stay inside all day
I gotta get out and go out with Clay
Everybody's smilin
Gay Day with Clay
Everybody's laughin
Gay Day with Clay
Everybody seems so happy today
It's a Gay Day with Clay

I think I'll go for a walk out side now
Lil Chiefy knows me by name
He's callin me
I gotta get you, gotta get out, gotta get away
I gotta get away, get away, get away, get away
And go on a Gay Day with Clay
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:46 PM   #67
Deberg_1990 Deberg_1990 is offline
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I miss fat Clay
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Matt once made a very nice play in Seattle where he spun away from a pass rusher and hit Bowe off his back foot for a first down.

One of the best plays Matt has ever made.
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:49 PM   #68
Pitt Gorilla Pitt Gorilla is offline
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LOVE Indian Food and Panera. So, F you.
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:50 PM   #69
crazycoffey crazycoffey is offline
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Originally Posted by Count Alex's Losses View Post
Yo.

TJ Maxx, Sam's Club and Ruchi are NOT shitty.

Those places own hard.

I bet you buy Oreos from ****ing Hyvee.

EUROPEAN BISCUITS ALL UP IN MY MOUF
Lol, that's the only "shit" rebuttal? I don't buy Oreos, btw. Oh, and somewhere a European ghey porn star just got hard at the thought of his biscuits all up in your "mouf"

Ps- I miss simplex.
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:50 PM   #70
ThaVirus ThaVirus is offline
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Are you gaining weight or are those corduroys just not so flattering?
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ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.ThaVirus is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:51 PM   #71
crazycoffey crazycoffey is offline
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Obligatory Beryllium post
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:54 PM   #72
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Originally Posted by ThaVirus View Post
Are you gaining weight or are those corduroys just not so flattering?
I happen to look fabulous.
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:56 PM   #73
LoneWolf LoneWolf is offline
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I happen to look fabulous.
I thought you looked great. Sort of like a gay Dennis Leary.
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Old 12-24-2014, 08:56 PM   #74
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Originally Posted by BDj23 View Post
You look like Kliff Kingsbury with fetal alcohol syndrome.
So does every jackass with a parted haircut and sunglasses.
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 12-24-2014, 09:01 PM   #75
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Originally Posted by Pitt Gorilla View Post
LOVE Indian Food and Panera. So, F you.
I just have no idea why anyone would pay to eat at Panera.

Every time I think about eating at a place like that I then think...wait...I could go to an Indian buffet for 10 bucks.
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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