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Old 12-24-2014, 03:36 PM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Gay Day With Clay VI: Return of the Fed-I
Puke Claywalker has returned to his home planet of Postooine in an attempt to rescue his friend Han Trollo from the clutches of the vile gangster Clarka the Hunt.

Little does Puke know that the CHECKDOWN EMPIRE has secretly begun construction on a new armored ennui station even less powerful than the first dreaded Dink Star.

When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore touchdowns to the franchise...

So let's do this shit.

I wake up in the morning and spend some time with my girlfriend. She's always there for me. I'm actually getting work done here. Yes, i get to watch Jay Cutler getting sacked for work. It's a swell gig.



Let's get ready for our gay day. It's a bit chilly so I decide to wear corduroys. I got them on sale from Jos. A Bank!



Here's our first stop! Look at all those ****ing TVs. I already have a TV but just walking into Sam's Club and seeing them all gives me wood.



What should we ****ing buy at Sam's Club? All the necessities...hummus, celery, apples, mother****ing tuna because this growing boy needs his protein...also I'm 33 in seven days and don't want to lose my hair. **** you. I'm heading this shit off at the pass. Also, I am a cheap bastard and I'm not springing extra for Rogaine.



FUUUUUU*******. This is indeed a Star Wars themed Gay Day. I didn't buy these but just walking past them makes me hop in the air and click my heels together.



OH MAN I WALKED PAST THIS THOUGH AND YOU BET I BOUGHT IT.



**** yes. I am slightly European, so these will go great with my super gay tea breaks. 10 bucks for the whole tin, too. I love Sam's Club. The Force is strong with me, mother****er.



Speaking of Lucasfilm references, look, it's Indiana ****ing Jones! I have a moment of regret, because I'm also wearing a leather jacket, and could have brought my fedora. I could have totally posed with this guy. ****.



I skip the gratuitous slice of Sam's Club pizza and decided it's lunchtime. **** going to these places, though. If you eat at Panera bread you are either fat, a really stupid college girl, or just have terrible taste in restaurants. Actually, all three of those things more than likely.



THIS IS WHERE I'M EATING. **** ALL OF YOU WHO DON'T LIKE IT.



Hey look, pagan symbols and pitch awards. I'm ****ing down. This is also my first time here.



Would you look at all that food that will make me shit the rainbow later. LET'S DO THIS. God this place smells wonderful. It's time to feed myself.



I get my first plate. The service here sucks and they don't even bring me water. I had to get my own utensils. No ****s given. I'd rather not tip a dirty hindu anyway.



My water ****ing arrives after an extra from Temple Doom finally gets done with his human sacrifices, and I begin my second plate. This food is awesome. Kali Ma, shakti de!



KALI MAAAAAAAAA! KALI MAAAAAAAAA! The Daal is a bit runny, but it's all gonna be runny in a few hours so no big deal. I am ****ing stuffed. Note that I didn't get a refill on my water, because ****ing Punjab was too busy ripping some guy's heart out and lowering him into a pit of lava.



We pause for a second to reflect on life. Current attitude: gluttonous. I am a Fed-I, like my father before me. GET IT. I FED MYSELF, SO I AM A FED-I. Oh, **** you.



We're not done ****ing around with indian shit, so let's go next door.



YES. Look at all this shit. **** Price Chopper, Hyvee and Aldi. This place is where it's at.



Also to be ****ed: your American swill cookies. I get my cookies imported. Also, they're called "biscuits." You philistines.



Hit the second post and see how we end this adventure.
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:28 AM   #121
Pasta Little Brioni Pasta Little Brioni is offline
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I'll never forget taking a girl I dated last year to an indian place.

She literally just sat there and watched me eat.

Chyeah, that was gonna last.
Ill never forget meeting a hidden fatty for Indian last year....yeah she never heard back from me.
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:30 AM   #122
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Originally Posted by Pasta Giant Meatball View Post
Ill never forget meeting a hidden fatty for Indian last year....yeah she never heard back from me.
I bet she had a huge bowl of gulab jamun.

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Old 12-25-2014, 11:31 AM   #123
Deberg_1990 Deberg_1990 is offline
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Originally Posted by Count Alex's Losses View Post
I'll never forget taking a girl I dated last year to an indian place.

She literally just sat there and watched me eat.

Chyeah, that was gonna last.
Did you hit it?
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:31 AM   #124
crazycoffey crazycoffey is offline
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I BET THEY AREN'T BRITISH
English mastiff mixed with a st bernard. Totally European
The other dog is Great Dane mixed with a lab. All american.
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:32 AM   #125
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Your dog can Shit on a plate for free. Probably had a bit of old Sparky in that dish.
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:32 AM   #126
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Did you hit it?
Many times. The sex was the best part of that relationship.
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:34 AM   #127
Pasta Little Brioni Pasta Little Brioni is offline
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I bet she had a huge bowl of gulab jamun.
Nope. She was dieting
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:35 AM   #128
Easy 6 Easy 6 is offline
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The last pic should be worth a month long ban, minimum... worst gay day adventure, ever.
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:35 AM   #129
Simply Red Simply Red is offline
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I'm thinking of trying the online dating again - come January. I tried going out last night to The Tavern @ Phipps. I had a grilled chicken salad w/ candied walnuts and blue cheese crumbs + balsamic.

Aside from the girls that work there, there was nothing brewing. There was this guy at the bar that yelled as he talked, I'm pretty sure he had had a stroke or something, so no one felt the need to tell him to - needless to say I just wolfed down my salad and go outside to two black guys checking out my M5 - they were very friendly and loved it. I'm thinking to myself, just my luck! - why couldn't it be a hot couple of chicks? Oh well.
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:36 AM   #130
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No honestly - No I'm just bored, I'm not talking football though.

No I'm bored and ready for this holiday to be over - It's depressing every year, the last 3 or 4 years. It's hard to spend a holiday like Christmas, single.

If I didn't have my mom, i'm not sure I'd continue my life. All I have is my company and my cars. I'm not even happy.
Open invite to join us for Christmas any year, if I work, you can ride along, go to the inlaws with me or the always fun joining of people without family or people tired of family game night!
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:36 AM   #131
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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The last pic should be worth a month long ban, minimum... worst gay day adventure, ever.
Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:37 AM   #132
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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I'm thinking of trying the online dating again - come January.
Allow me to be your Obi-Wang.

You would be in the 1% on these sites.

I suggest EHarmony or Match.com, depending on how slow you want to go.
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:39 AM   #133
Pasta Little Brioni Pasta Little Brioni is offline
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:40 AM   #134
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Allow me to be your Obi-Wang.

You would be in the 1% on these sites.

I suggest EHarmony or Match.com, depending on how slow you want to go.
I will go with EHarmony - I think I was booted from match for calling some woman a tramp or something. Or maybe it was the one I asked to send a photo of her clam.
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Old 12-25-2014, 11:41 AM   #135
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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