For those with children: Do you think you’re a better parent than your parents were?

[ThaVirus]

Discuss

[Jewish Rabbi]

Originally Posted by BWillie

I know I wouldn't be so that's why I never had kids

Thank god.

[DementedLogic]

I'm not in prison, so that's a good start.

[Nirvana58]

My daughter is only 5 so jury is still out.

My parents worked a ton and were very career focus. We were the latch key generation and was basically left to our own devices. They use to drop my sister and I off at a water park every day over the summer as basically our baby sitter at a very young age. I couldn't even imagine putting my daughter in a situation like that.

They were great parents though but definitely a lot tougher/corporal punishment then I am. We will see if my daughter turns into a little shit once she is older.

[Rain Man]

Moving out to a slightly different question, a question for everybody. Do you find that your relationship with your parents was better in childhood or as an adult? In other words, did your relationship improve over time or decline?

Sadly, my relationship with my parents declined notably when I became an adult, and has generally declined a bit more every passing year. Among other issues, they never wanted to evolve into a peer relationship from an authoritarian relationship, even forty years after I became an adult, and it's a continual source of friction.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Moving out to a slightly different question, a question for everybody. Do you find that your relationship with your parents was better in childhood or as an adult? In other words, did your relationship improve over time or decline?

Sadly, my relationship with my parents declined notably when I became an adult, and has generally declined a bit more every passing year. Among other issues, they never wanted to evolve into a peer relationship from an authoritarian relationship, even forty years after I became an adult, and it's a continual source of friction.

The older I get the more I understand her.
And the less the comprehension affects me, the easier it is to just love her.

I’m obsessed with the feeling my new kitten gives me. I’m an adventurous person where love is concerned and I’d easily choose the kitten over most men.

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by Katipan

My dad had to carry my birth certificate around in his wallet because people would find a white male with a young brown girl to be odd.

Thats sad. Glad we have moved on, well most have moved on.

I was way bigger than my classmates in elementary school. I was at least a foot taller than most and I was in shape. As a pitcher I threw faster than anyone had ever seen in Springfield(circa 67-69). I would have kids get in the batters box crying cause they were afraid. Sooooo every game there was mom's, dad's coaches etc. demanding my mom produce a birth certificate for me. She carried one on her at all my games.

A lot sillier reason than your more serious reason.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by BigRedChief

Thats sad. Glad we have moved on, well most have moved on.

I was way bigger than my classmates in elementary school. I was at least a foot taller than most and I was in shape. As a pitcher I threw faster than anyone had ever seen in Springfield(circa 67-69). I would have kids get in the batters box crying cause they were afraid. Sooooo every game there was mom's, dad's coaches etc. demanding my mom produce a birth certificate for me. She carried one on her at all my games.

A lot sillier reason than your more serious reason.

Their reaction is silly, yes.

But no less silly than the way we treated dads as bumbling dolts who only managed to keep kids alive until mommy got home.

I’m sorry you got singled out.
You are lucky I wasn’t an aunt or something coming to the games.

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by Katipan

Their reaction is silly, yes.

But no less silly than the way we treated dads as bumbling dolts who only managed to keep kids alive until mommy got home.

I’m sorry you got singled out.
You are lucky I wasn’t an aunt or something coming to the games.

I never took it personally. I was a danger to those kids. I was so much bigger and stronger. It was summer rec ball. There was no such thing as competitive ball back then. I had no idea on how throw a strike so I was wild. Which didn't exactly calm the nervous moms down.
By 6th grade I was 6'2". Stopped growing. I didn't really have any athletic talent, I was just bigger than other kids my age.

BTW, I wanted to play with kids the same size and weight as me but the little league wouldn't allow it. And my Dad never attended one of my baseball games, Ever. How ****ed up is that shit? Maybe that's why I coached my sons teams even in sports I had no clue about(soccer).

[Ming the Merciless]

better in some ways , worse in others

the older I get the more I feel like im becoming my dad

I had a lot of freedoms that I don't give my kids..

the world is different now... its hard to compare but I try and shelter my kids from the uglier aspects of life. This reduced freedom & reduced exposure makes them a little less independent.. every decision has pros & cons but I want them to enjoy being kids as long as possible and also be kind & thoughtful toward others.

there's no one right way to do things and deep down I believe people are pretty set in their personalities from an early age.. like 3.

So I view my job as more of a teacher and the 1st thing any good teacher does is make it fun & get them interested.

so maybe not "better" but different

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I didn't have children, which was the best possible parenting I could have done.

Via observation of people that I've known since childhood, I've noticed that everyone parents in the same way that they were parented. They'll complain about how they were parented and will then do the same thing with their kids. It's kind of amazing once you notice it. There are a few generational twists, but the core principles carry from one generation to the next as if they're purely genetic.

Eh.....

I know I don't. And it's really simple - I was the oldest kid and by God I was going to put a stop to this nonsense.

Background: I never met my biological father. My mom never met hers and openly loathes her 'dad' (who divorce her mom shortly after my mom left the house) and her mom never knew HER biological father. My dad has no memory of his biological father (divorced when he was 3) and HIS dad had his mother kill herself in front of them when he was around 7 or 8. Oh, and of course my folks got divorced when I was 9.

I decided that all that shit stops with me. It was just such a weird damn cloud of family drama. So, honestly, I did it right where none of them did. I didn't **** around when I was in college. I didn't date chicks because they'd blow me. I didn't have kids early. Every decision I made was calculated.

Then as a kid I was only allowed to play baseball because there were fewer practices and they were late at night so I could go to those. No football, basketball, swim, hockey or anything else I wanted to do. My kids, OTOH, can participate in whatever they want and we find ways to get them there (so I have 3 kids in 3 different organized team activities). I don't remember a time I even played catch with my folks - I coach 2 of my kids teams right now and have coached for all of them at some point.

My mom got home at 6:30, made dinner while watching soap operas until 7 then went into the office to work for the rest of the night. I come home around 5:30, make dinner, do stuff with the kids until 7:30, get ready, do stories and stuff and then if needed, after they go to bed, I'll go back to the office AFTER they're down for the night.

My mom's approach was largely erratic and emotional. You never knew if she was going to cry or yell or just ignore whatever. Mine isn't. Mine is consistent, the kids know what to expect and what the consequences of failing to meet those expectations are. By and large I don't usually need to give them more than a look these days because they KNOW when they've overstepped.

Nah. I don't parent the same way my parents did. I do it better. By a lot. And again - I have it easier. Stable marriage and income. My wife's a great mom and we complement each other well in how we approach the kids. But again, NONE of that was by accident. I do it better because I simply wasn't going to allow it to be otherwise.

So I'll probably end up with 2 drug addicts and a white-collar felon on my hands.

Because for all the things my folks did poorly - they ended up with a lawyer and my sister the ER Doctor for their 'efforts'. My sister has a theory on that I won't bore you with, but ultimately it's hard to say they ruined anyone.

So in the end, it's possible that none of it matters even a little bit.

[Go Royals]

I don't know about better. Hopefully. I think for me its easier to see the faults with what I didn't like with my parents. I catch myself doin those same things with my two kids sometimes and try to dial it back.

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by BigRedChief

Thats sad. Glad we have moved on, well most have moved on.

I was way bigger than my classmates in elementary school. I was at least a foot taller than most and I was in shape. As a pitcher I threw faster than anyone had ever seen in Springfield(circa 67-69). I would have kids get in the batters box crying cause they were afraid. Sooooo every game there was mom's, dad's coaches etc. demanding my mom produce a birth certificate for me. She carried one on her at all my games.

A lot sillier reason than your more serious reason.

BRC.....I have to ask. Was this in a 11-14 y/o league in those years?

I was part of an All Star team when I was 13/14 and we went to Springfield MO and played their All Star Team. They had 2 really good (and tall) pitchers and 2 good infielders. The rest were average players that looked as bad as some of the old KC Royals outfields in their lean years.

I remember the big guy pitching that first game threw me a fastball I hit into the gap. The right fielder and the center fielder collided chasing the ball and I got an inside the park home run.

[Why Not?]

Don’t know. Don’t care. I do the best I can and my kids know I love and support them and that’s all I really care about.

[luv]

Originally Posted by Why Not?

Don’t know. Don’t care. I do the best I can and my kids know I love and support them and that’s all I really care about.

As far as parenting goes, this.

Dealing with my mom's toxic insecure personality is seemingly harder as an adult, and shielding my son from it is a big part of that.

[BWillie]

Most of the jackasses that I see, they're to the manor born. Their fathers are douchebags, just like their fathers before them. But you... You, BWillie, you got this way all on your own.