I'm on a mission to shit - Page 5

Hammock Parties · 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM

Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.

**ShortRoundChief** · 05-19-2014, 01:24 PM

After heart surgery it took me a week and some laxatives. It'll come and when it does it'll be glorious.

RaiderH8r · 05-19-2014, 01:54 PM

In the mean time, install a seat belt and handles on your shitter.

**Fire Me Boy!** · 05-19-2014, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by htismaqe

First of all, stop eating all that fiber. By ingesting fiber, you're actually forming bulk. Metamucil is actually making the problem worse, especially if you don't ingest that kind of fiber daily. It won't help you go, it will just fill you up.

I wouldn't recommend Senokot or any stimulant laxative as it's going to give you pain and cramping.

You're on the right track with Milk of Magnesia but

1) two tablespoons is not enough and
2) you don't need an antacid

Grab a bottle of this and drink the WHOLE thing. It is available everywhere that has a 3-aisle basic pharmacy and costs about $1. Wait 30 minutes to an hour. Don't get too far from the bathroom. It's safe and I guarantee you it will work.

Yep.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Count Zarth

PREPARE FOR BATTLE

PREPARE TO LOSE.

booger · 05-19-2014, 01:59 PM

Claythanoscopy

RaiderH8r · 05-19-2014, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by booger

Claythanoscopy

He'll probe the hell out of 3 inches of rectum.

**hometeam** · 05-19-2014, 02:11 PM

Just think of how good its going to feel when it comes out -

I have attached a gif that I think is appropriate.

Thank you, gentleman, you may now return to your business.

booger · 05-19-2014, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaiderH8r

He'll probe the hell out of 3 inches of rectum.

That dirty butt pirate!

Marcellus · 05-19-2014, 02:14 PM

Just go buy a bag of those sugar free gummy bears. Problem solved.

Dayze · 05-19-2014, 02:14 PM

just don't get a prolapse.

(I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again)

Hammock Parties · 05-19-2014, 02:16 PM

Update: 3:14 PM CDT

I continue to rip farts. Strangely, the beginning of each fart feels as if it might be the turd of destiny, that lets loose the tidal wave o shit....but I remain disappointed.

A courier has been dispatched to deliver this secret "magnesium" bomb. The Anus will not stand against this chemical warfare.

booger · 05-19-2014, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dayze

just don't get a prolapse.

(I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again)

Rectum? Damn near turned em inside out!

Dayze · 05-19-2014, 02:17 PM

"wave o' shit".

I didn't realize you were Irish

**Buck** · 05-19-2014, 02:18 PM

Miralax

Dayze · 05-19-2014, 02:19 PM

once it's out, you should celebrate by eating a block of cheese.

booger · 05-19-2014, 02:20 PM

Get in the bathtub man gonna be shit everywhere

05-19-2014, 11:46 AM
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $2620478	I'm on a mission to shit Five days ago I had surgery. On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before. On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation. On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans. On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia. It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago. I'm on a mission. To shit. Please, God. Let me shit.
Posts: 289,382

05-19-2014, 01:24 PM	#61
ShortRoundChief Embrace the love Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Joplin Casino cash: $5347192	After heart surgery it took me a week and some laxatives. It'll come and when it does it'll be glorious.
Posts: 33,777

05-19-2014, 01:54 PM	#62
RaiderH8r Now it's Willie Time! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Beating hippies Casino cash: $4293512	In the mean time, install a seat belt and handles on your shitter. __________________ “You may think RaiderH8r is just a thinker. But I’m not just a thinker. I’m a doer. Every day I go out there, and rev that engine, fire it up, grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra. And when the fear rises up in my belly, I use it. Fear is powerful, because it’s been there for billions of years. And it is good. And I use it. And I ride it; I ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell.”
Posts: 4,053

05-19-2014, 01:59 PM	#64
booger Don't Tug on Superman's Cape Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: clear out in the sticks Casino cash: $-581450	Claythanoscopy __________________ 2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
Posts: 12,727

05-19-2014, 02:11 PM	#66
hometeam Supporter Join Date: Jul 2011 Casino cash: $2741956	Just think of how good its going to feel when it comes out - I have attached a gif that I think is appropriate. Thank you, gentleman, you may now return to your business.
Posts: 10,706

05-19-2014, 02:14 PM	#69
Dayze Resident Glue Sniffer Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $3369358	just don't get a prolapse. (I looked that one up once on the internetz.....never again) __________________ Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy
Posts: 37,405

05-19-2014, 02:16 PM	#70
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $2620478	Update: 3:14 PM CDT I continue to rip farts. Strangely, the beginning of each fart feels as if it might be the turd of destiny, that lets loose the tidal wave o shit....but I remain disappointed. A courier has been dispatched to deliver this secret "magnesium" bomb. The Anus will not stand against this chemical warfare.
Posts: 289,382

05-19-2014, 02:17 PM	#72
Dayze Resident Glue Sniffer Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $3369358	"wave o' shit". I didn't realize you were Irish __________________ Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy
Posts: 37,405

05-19-2014, 02:18 PM	#73
Buck Take a Chill Pill Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: South Carolina Casino cash: $7459900	Miralax
Posts: 44,567

05-19-2014, 02:19 PM	#74
Dayze Resident Glue Sniffer Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $3369358	once it's out, you should celebrate by eating a block of cheese. __________________ Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy
Posts: 37,405	1 0

05-19-2014, 02:20 PM	#75
booger Don't Tug on Superman's Cape Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: clear out in the sticks Casino cash: $-581450	Get in the bathtub man gonna be shit everywhere __________________ 2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
Posts: 12,727	1 0