I have a date. - Page 411

**luv** · 01:24 AM

I guess this will be the ****Official TMI Thread****

Hammock Parties · 06-20-2009, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skip Towne

You're a smooth operator

What was smooth was when I said:

"I might get into an accident and die on the way to your apartment. You better kiss me now."

And she did.

leviw · 06-20-2009, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claythan

Yeah...I have your #....you delete me from yo phone bitch? I have you, Flopnuts and Simply Red on speed dial for when I finally blow a load in some skank.

After tonight, do you believe:
1) It will be in this chick?
2) It will happen soon?

Hammock Parties · 06-20-2009, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leviw

After tonight, do you believe:
1) It will be in this chick?
2) It will happen soon?

1) I am not going to attempt to predict anything related to females. My brain says YES I will bang this chick, but logic does not apply to girls.

2) I will get laid within a month. I GUARANTEE IT.

**Tribal Warfare** · 06-20-2009, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claythan

1) I am not going to attempt to predict anything related to females. My brain says YES I will bang this chick, but logic does not apply to girls.

2) I will get laid within a month. I GUARANTEE IT.

Yep, time to open Casino Planet for this possible event.

**DeezNutz** · 06-20-2009, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claythan

1) I am not going to attempt to predict anything related to females. My brain says YES I will bang this chick, but logic does not apply to girls.

2) I will get laid within a month. I GUARANTEE IT.

Nice contradiction.

88TG88 · 06-20-2009, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tribal Warfare

Yep, time to open Casino Planet for this possible event.

I am so down to get some casino cash.

Hammock Parties · 06-20-2009, 09:56 PM

OK, so, to recap the fourth date of my tragic ****ing life:

I arrived 30 minutes early in order to survey the scene, to scout out other possible "jump" locations. As in "let's take this party to the martini bar on the other end of this shitty strip mall."

Anyway, upon arriving it was discovered that the Starbucks we were to meet at did NOT EXIST. It had been replaced by a little pizza joint. So I text her this information. 7 pm rolls around and she calls and is like "I'm gonna be late sorry." And I'm like "Uh this place is a pizza joint. Do you want to get a pie?" And she's like "Sure!"

So she shows up and she's very cute. She is wearing a horizontally striped, low-cut top that shows her nice cleavage. Not as hot as my last date, but definitely bangable. 5-6, 125 pounds, brunette, pretty eyes, nice tits. She smiles, I smile, we both think sexual thoughts.

We order a chicken roma spinach medium and two beers. This is the first time I have had beer since college. I had a Miller mother****in' Lite. It actually wasn't too bad.

We share good conversation. She likes horror films and wants to go see Drag Me To Hell. I inform her it is excellent cinema and file away this note for potential future dates.

She laughs at my stupid jokes and we make lots of eye contact. I lie and say she is hotter than my last date in order to indicate I am sexually attracted to her. 8:30 rolls around and she says, in a very sexy voice, "So, what are you doing the rest of the night?"

My pickup artist brain immediately screams "Say YOU! Say YOU you undersexed stud muffin!" I resist my cro-magnon urge and respond, "Nothing, we could go back to your place and hang out, watch a movie or something?" She agrees to this plan of action and our horny bodies exit the pizza place.

At this point I feel like kissing her. We walk around my car and I say, "I might get in a wreck and die on the way to your apartment. You should kiss me now." This is the smoothest line of my 27-year existence and it works. We kiss, and it ain't no peck on the cheek. We sucked face.

I get wood.

I am going to get laid. I am sure of it.

I follow her car from the parking lot, screaming at the assholes who are cutting me off, blocking my view of her car. I have to traverse Highway 249, make a right onto Beltway 8 and tail this hot bitch for 20 minutes. I have gotten lost many, many times and driving in Houston is a nightmare. I drive like a bat out of hell trying to follow the vagina in the white car in front of me.

We turn onto Beltway 8 and trundle along in tandem for about five miles. At this point we are approximately three quarters of the way to her place. Then she turns into a gas station. My first thought is she needs gas, and she parks in front of the pump (pump my cock, bitch). I pull in and park at the store.

She gets out of her car and starts for mine. Oh shit. Either I'm going to lose my virginity in the restroom of a 7 Eleven (I have six condoms in my right jean pocket, at least I don't need those shitty convenience store rubbers) or the shit just hits the fan.

I get out of my car and she explains that she has decided against ****ing me on this particular night. I attempt to haggle with her for a makeout session, but once a bitch's mind is made up, there is no return, as most of you well know, barring threats of violence. We agree that we should have a second date.

I say "are you gonna call me?" She replies, "Are you gonna call ME?" I take this as an indicator of interest. We kiss again, Crom flutters between my legs, and I grab her ass. She walks back to her car and I drive home.

At least I didn't get lost on the way home. I had never been in that part of town before. Oh, I have also never been in a vagina.

Date #4, in the books. Let's see if this one has the common ****ing courtesy to return my phone calls.

**DeezNutz** · 06-20-2009, 10:01 PM

Suggesting going back to her place at 8:30 was a terrible idea. Just terrible.

More drinks. Ideally. Or, you should have suggested going to a movie. You know...what you ****ing talked about at dinner?

Most women don't let intraweb guy they've known for an hour back to the bat cave, and she was clearly thinking about how she ****ed up as she led you on a 20 minute snipe hunt.

Hammock Parties · 06-20-2009, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

Suggesting going back to her place at 8:30 was a terrible idea. Just terrible.

Actually it was a great idea. Her mom was bringing the ****ing kids back home by 10PM. There was no time for a movie. She was down for sexual congress.

**DeezNutz** · 06-20-2009, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claythan

Actually it was a great idea. Her mom was bringing the ****ing kids back home by 10PM. There was no time for a movie. She was down for sexual congress.

Nope. She smelled your pre-ejaculate and got spooked on the drive home.

Bad plan.

Hammock Parties · 06-20-2009, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

Nope. She smelled your pre-ejaculate and got spooked on the drive home.

Bad plan.

We were in separate cars.

Anyway, a female friend says she probably likes me, wants to get to know me better and wants me to respect her before she bangs me. So, maybe later this week.

Or I could meet with epic failure again.

JOhn · 06-20-2009, 10:07 PM

Not sure if this would make a good after school special for teaching Abstinence....

Or am I just watching the same train wreck over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over &over..........

Hammock Parties · 06-20-2009, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JOhn

Not sure if this would make a good after school special for teaching Abstinence....

Or am I just watching the same train wreck over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over &over..........

It was hardly a ****ing trainwreck. It was a successful date. Do I have to bang every broad on the first meeting?

JOhn · 06-20-2009, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claythan

It was hardly a ****ing trainwreck. It was a successful date. Do I have to bang every broad on the first meeting?

No, but have you EVER?

next.......

**DeezNutz** · 06-20-2009, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claythan

We were in separate cars.

Anyway, a female friend says she probably likes me, wants to get to know me better and wants me to respect her before she bangs me. So, maybe later this week.

Or I could meet with epic failure again.

"I get wood."

She sniffed you out.

This is a vulnerable target. A closer would have sealed the deal on day 1, so unless you're completely hopeless, you should be fine. ****ing divorced 30-year-olds isn't exactly a demanding skill.

06-22-2007, 07:09 PM
luv You think you can get by this? Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $-380000	I have a date. I guess this will be the **Official TMI Thread** Last edited by luv; 03-08-2010 at 01:24 AM..
Posts: 63,503

06-20-2009, 09:56 PM	#6157
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $2800478	OK, so, to recap the fourth date of my tragic **ing life: I arrived 30 minutes early in order to survey the scene, to scout out other possible "jump" locations. As in "let's take this party to the martini bar on the other end of this shitty strip mall." Anyway, upon arriving it was discovered that the Starbucks we were to meet at did NOT EXIST. It had been replaced by a little pizza joint. So I text her this information. 7 pm rolls around and she calls and is like "I'm gonna be late sorry." And I'm like "Uh this place is a pizza joint. Do you want to get a pie?" And she's like "Sure!" So she shows up and she's very cute. She is wearing a horizontally striped, low-cut top that shows her nice cleavage. Not as hot as my last date, but definitely bangable. 5-6, 125 pounds, brunette, pretty eyes, nice tits. She smiles, I smile, we both think sexual thoughts. We order a chicken roma spinach medium and two beers. This is the first time I have had beer since college. I had a Miller motherin' Lite. It actually wasn't too bad. We share good conversation. She likes horror films and wants to go see Drag Me To Hell. I inform her it is excellent cinema and file away this note for potential future dates. She laughs at my stupid jokes and we make lots of eye contact. I lie and say she is hotter than my last date in order to indicate I am sexually attracted to her. 8:30 rolls around and she says, in a very sexy voice, "So, what are you doing the rest of the night?" My pickup artist brain immediately screams "Say YOU! Say YOU you undersexed stud muffin!" I resist my cro-magnon urge and respond, "Nothing, we could go back to your place and hang out, watch a movie or something?" She agrees to this plan of action and our horny bodies exit the pizza place. At this point I feel like kissing her. We walk around my car and I say, "I might get in a wreck and die on the way to your apartment. You should kiss me now." This is the smoothest line of my 27-year existence and it works. We kiss, and it ain't no peck on the cheek. We sucked face. I get wood. I am going to get laid. I am sure of it. I follow her car from the parking lot, screaming at the assholes who are cutting me off, blocking my view of her car. I have to traverse Highway 249, make a right onto Beltway 8 and tail this hot bitch for 20 minutes. I have gotten lost many, many times and driving in Houston is a nightmare. I drive like a bat out of hell trying to follow the vagina in the white car in front of me. We turn onto Beltway 8 and trundle along in tandem for about five miles. At this point we are approximately three quarters of the way to her place. Then she turns into a gas station. My first thought is she needs gas, and she parks in front of the pump (pump my cock, bitch). I pull in and park at the store. She gets out of her car and starts for mine. Oh shit. Either I'm going to lose my virginity in the restroom of a 7 Eleven (I have six condoms in my right jean pocket, at least I don't need those shitty convenience store rubbers) or the shit just hits the fan. I get out of my car and she explains that she has decided against ing me on this particular night. I attempt to haggle with her for a makeout session, but once a bitch's mind is made up, there is no return, as most of you well know, barring threats of violence. We agree that we should have a second date. I say "are you gonna call me?" She replies, "Are you gonna call ME?" I take this as an indicator of interest. We kiss again, Crom flutters between my legs, and I grab her ass. She walks back to her car and I drive home. At least I didn't get lost on the way home. I had never been in that part of town before. Oh, I have also never been in a vagina. Date #4, in the books. Let's see if this one has the common **ing courtesy to return my phone calls. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 288,260

06-20-2009, 10:07 PM	#6162
JOhn El' Barto Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Cody, WY / Tucson AZ Casino cash: $9964900	Not sure if this would make a good after school special for teaching Abstinence.... Or am I just watching the same train wreck over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over & over &over..........
Posts: 25,529