Saying "Goodbye" to my old man

[duncan_idaho]

My dad passed away this week. He was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer earlier this year, and had been going through chemo.

I think the family had been lulled a little into a false sense of security, of time, because he had been tolerating the chemo so well. The doctors had found a concoction they thought his heart and liver (the two most vulnerable organs he had) could work through.

I don't know if it was complications from the chemo, but his heart gave out earlier this week.

Now, I'm not writing this as a look-at-me or cry for sympathy. I'm doing this because when I think about my dad, I think about the Chiefs, and watching games with him. He's the reason I care so much. There's another reason, too, but I'll talk about it at the end.

I am so, so thankful my dad and I got to see the past five years of the Chiefs together. That he got to see them get back to the top of the mountain this year.

He was always a more even-keel, optimistic fan than me. He endured the succession of washed up QBs with eternal optimism and belief that they could turn it around in KC, just like Lenny did.

I used to sarcastically thank him for raising me as a Royals/Chiefs/Mizzou fan, but damn if that didn't make 2014, 2015, and 2018-now all the sweeter. Now I thank him in earnest.

I'm so thankful he got to see that run end (and return the good-natured digs to his fraternity brother from Colorado, who never stopped reminding Dad about the 1983 draft).

We'll put him to rest tomorrow. Going to be a hard day, no doubt about it. But I'm confident that when I watch the Chiefs, it's going to bring the good things out. When I talk about them on here, it's going to bring the good things out.

Now, that other thing I mentioned at the top; if you're wondering if there's anything you can do, what I'd really like is for you to commit to taking care of yourselves. Go to the doctor. And please, please, please get your colonoscopies. My dad's cancer started as colon cancer before spreading. He never had a colonoscopy, and I can't help but think if he just HAD, he'd still be here. We would have caught it early enough and stopped it.

And I wouldn't be standing in his place at my sister's wedding next spring. I wouldn't be giving the speech, I'd be helping him write it.

If you've read all of this, thanks for letting me ramble. Sometimes, getting the words out is the best thing for this.

Go to your check-ups. Get the colonoscopy.

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by siberian khatru

I'm so sorry, Duncan. My condolences.

Great post, though. I had my first colonoscopy right after I turned 50. Clean as a whistle. Now 3 years out from the next one, I'm hoping they've improved the pre-game prep routine.

Only slightly...

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by KCUnited

Condolences, Duncan.

To your last point, I had my doctor order me a Colorguard after a routine visit on Monday

I hadn't heard of it, and for those that don't know, its a colon cancer pre-screen intended for 45 and older that can be administered at home

Its "good" for 3 years, but can lead to a full colonoscopy recommendation if it gives off an indicator of possible cancer dna and/or blood in the stool

Just a slight comment here...

The Cologuard tests can come back with false positives....and then they will tell you to get a colonoscopy with your Dr.

But here is where your insurance can make your life miserable....there are some providers that will not pay for the colonoscopy if you have already done a Cologuard test.

[Mosbonian]

First and foremost.....condolences to you and your family on the loss of a good man. They say we are a reflection of those we admire, and from who you appear to be here, he must have been a great dad.

I lost my Father in 2011 to cancer after a years long battle. My dad faced chemo and got better...then it came back. After battling it for several years he finally said. "I have had enough" and told them no more. He called me and did something he never did....asked me to take time off and bring the family back from out of state so he and I could talk. I knew what was coming, but was not prepared to see what I did when I arrived.

I spent the rest of the time he had ( a couple of months) just having Father and Son talks....like we did when I was young, only without all my youthful sarcasm. Those last 2 months we spent a lifetime of doing what we should have done many years before...no BS talk about life. After so many weeks of being away from work he looked at me and said..."Son, you have a life and a job...go do them". I left a day later and 3 days after that my brother in law called me and told me my sister had left the room to get a coffee...and when she came back dad had passed. (He was in Hospice)

Like many on here I am a Chiefs/Royals fan because of my dad. He taught me baseball and bought me my first lefthanders glove...it was used, but to an 9 y/o boy it was all the world. (I still have that glove)

When the Royals won the World Series I heard my Dad's voice say...I told you that they would wait until I was gone to get better and win.

When the Chiefs won their first Super Bowl in 50 years...I cried.....mostly because the man who taught me to love football and the Chiefs...my longtime Fantasy Football partner...was not around to share it with me. It still breaks my heart he didn't live to see Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid.

Let me also echo the Colonoscopy check.....I hated my first one just because I hate crapping so much your butt hurts to even think about it. But now with my health issues I get one as ordered by my Doctor.

[ChiefsCountry]

My condolences. Cancer sucks. Lost my mom to it. Father's day coming up will be a tough day for you.

[KCUnited]

Originally Posted by Mosbonian

Just a slight comment here...

The Cologuard tests can come back with false positives....and then they will tell you to get a colonoscopy with your Dr.

But here is where your insurance can make your life miserable....there are some providers that will not pay for the colonoscopy if you have already done a Cologuard test.

For sure. Its like a 13% false positive rate, which is above the acceptance criteria of any analysis that I'd bring to production in my non-medical role. So that kind of struck me as possible double dip scenario.

So that's good info about insurance possibly balking in those certain circumstances.

It was presented to me, and something I thought worthy of mentioning here, as an alternative for people under 50, with no family history of cancer, that may otherwise wait until they’re 50, to at least get prescreened.

[Al Czervik]

T&P's to you and your family!!
Story is very similar to my fathers.
Colon Cancer took him in 2011.
And the old man is the one that took me
to Chiefs games in the old stadium, and then at Arrowhead.

[Otter]

Lost my father a couple years ago, I'm sorry.

[Buehler445]

Condolences Duncan.

Only you could call a seemingly well thought out, well constructed articulate post rambling.

Thanks for the colonoscopy discussion. When we were in college, my buddy's mom got colon cancer in her mid 40s and it freaked me the **** out. So it's on the radar.

You seem really well adjusted so my guess is you are handling everything with appropriate state of mind. My only recommendation is let yourself grieve. Sometimes as men we feel like it's inappropriate to do so. But you can't grieve without allowing yourself to do it.

Don't go all Roman Roy on us

Thanks for sharing.

[poolboy]

sorry Dunc

[IowaHawkeyeChief]

I'm about 6 months late on my Colonoscopy... I will schedule tomorrow because of this... Sorry for you loss, but what a great relationship you had and great memories.

[Megatron96]

Condolences. I lost my dad in 2018, and didn't get a chance to say a proper goodbye and it still bothers me a lot. Peace, and Godspeed to your father, your family, and your heart.

[Kman34]

So sorry for your loss.. Lost my Dad/Hero 2 years ago. My kids, grandkids and I will visit him Monday and leave flowers and remember him the way he was before dementia robbed him of his spirit..

['Hamas' Jenkins]

I'm really sorry for your loss, duncan. If you ever have time to visit the Zou, look me up and we'll toast your dear, departed dad.

[Holladay]

It was thoughtful that you posted about your dads' passing. Mine just passed a month ago and I didn't post anything. It is and was a very personal matter. I don't post that much, so I didn't see the point.

Your issue of colonoscopies' is spot on. A simple procedure to treat a time of pain. Nice touch and the responses have been a great reminder to a number of CP older dudes. I get mine every 5 years.

I have never had a closer person in my life die. It has mentally been tough. He and I played golf together often. Father, Son outing through the years. 2 weeks after he died I had a dream about us playing golf. I woke up and immediately thought "I need to call Dad to go out and play a round". Damn, I can't....

It will take time.

For me it was a mixed blessing. He died in his sleep at 86 yro. No cancer, nursing homes, hospital stays. He declined to go to the Doctor the day before. He knew. He went out on his terms.

I wish to be so lucky. None of us is going to live forever. He kinda choose how he went out. He did it right.

It doesn't make it any easier. As humans, we are selfish. I miss him and want to visit. Some day I will.

[crayzkirk]

Sorry for your loss; some of my fondest memories are working in the basement with my father listening to the Chiefs on the radio. He was 51; that's 42 years ago now. He died in the morning before I got to the hospital; I got to see him every day except the last.

You don't really get over it; you just get through it, day by day.