Would you change 1 thing about your past if you could?

[tooge]

Sort of a piggy back off of the 1 regret thread. You have a choice. You can stay the course of your life, or you could go back and change 1 thing. Would you change anything, and what would it be? Knowing of course, that changing even 1 small thing could lead to a completely different life now, possibly worse, because our lives are shaped by the sum of all of our experiences.

I think I would not change anything at all. I'm happy how it's all turned out to this point.

[Gary Cooper]

Be nicer to the girl who treated me well and completely ignore the one who didn't.

You can waste years of your life chasing or dating the wrong person.

[Direckshun]

For those of us in this thread who have gone through a divorce, they'd probably all tell you they'd do things differently throughout some stage of the divorce.

I'm no exception.

[DJay23]

This is a hindsight is 20/20 reflection. When I was in college I had this group project with 3 other people. We planned on a Friday night to get together at the house of the 2 female group members and work out what everyone was going to do to finish the project and start working on it.

That night my girlfriend at the time wanted me to come help her decorate a Christmas tree at her mom's singing club. So I was focused on getting back ASAP (I went to school a half an hour from where I lived).

One of the chicks in my group was a complete smokeshow. Thin but athletic build, dark hair and dark eyes, tight pooper and she filled her bra more than adequately. Pretty face, and she was a sweet person. Maybe I'm romanticizing her as this was over 25 years ago, but she was objectively a hot college WOMAN.

That night we had a planning session and started working on the project. All night long the hot girl was being pretty flirty with me, which I didn't realize at first because I wasn't like some kind of stud. I was attracted to her of course, but there's no way this girl didn't have a boyfriend plus I had a girlfriend I was happy with and had been with for a few years. Maybe this girl really liked skinny nerds though, because she was definitely leaving what I thought were bread crumbs.

When we had finished with everything and it was time to go, the other 2 n the group (a guy and girl couple) were going to go to the movies or a party, I can't remember which. They kept trying to get the hot girl to go and she kept saying that she wanted to stay home that night and kept looking at me. It must have been 3 or 4 times that she would look right at me and say, "No I'd rather stay home tonight." She also very noticeably was sang "Feel like making love" when I passed her on the staircase.

My animal instincts had me wanting to hang around and see what happened, but the rest of my brain said there is no way I could pursue this without getting caught somehow. I just was not a smooth liar. And my conscience was strong enough to know that I wouldn't be able to look my serious girlfriend in the eye ever again. Like how was I going to cheat on my girlfriend while she decorated a Christmas tree by herself.

So my big regret now, knowing how the relationship with that girlfriend ended up (with her cheating on me a few years later) and the lineup of women I've been with after that, I should have just done it. On the one hand it would have made me a cheater, which I can say now that I am not. On the other hand, my gut is that this girl wanted to mess around with me for some reason and I wish that I had that memory to think back on.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

For those of us in this thread who have gone through a divorce, they'd probably all tell you they'd do things differently throughout some stage of the divorce.

I'm no exception.

Yep, i'd have left her 18 years earlier.

[Renegade]

Without changing the trajectory of anything, I would not have put in a lawn sprinkler system. The well and pump couldn't handle it. That was a wasted $5000 that lasted all of 15 minutes.

[Bump]

I would have ate nothing but eggs and steak back in my early 20's when I was in extremely good shape. I would have been chiseled if I ate right but I ate out at restaurants a lot and didn't eat enough protein to get those gains that I thought I should have been getting. Every day was an hour lifting and a few hours playing basketball. I still looked good but I could have looked a lot better if I ate nothing but protein and fat (from meat).

[stumppy]

Yes

[Why Not?]

Originally Posted by Jewish Rabbi

Great reflection here, and a conclusion I normally settle on too. Like the previous poster who mentioned he could have bought Bitcoin at 10 cents. We all could have, and most of us would have sold at $10, or $100, or whatever. It's easy to look back and woulda coulda shoulda, but it's an exercise in futility.

This is spot on. Look, as evidenced by my tongue in cheek posts on both this thread (about ballparks, didn't expect that one to be so well received, lol) and the "regrets" thread (about this years Royals), I don't really believe in regrets or beating yourself up. I especially agree with those who have basically stated that we are a sum being of all our parts, meaning if you like where you are at today, you really don't want anything in the past changed.

The other thing is, to your point, is when most people spend time in regret or beating themselves up, they tend to believe that the best possible dream outcome would've occured had they only invested in whatever, or stayed with the girl or blah blah. I know a guy who was a decent HS football player who struggled with this often. He quit ball to focus on partying, which literally thousands of young people do yearly. As he aged, he used to struggle with beating himself up over how he "could've been in the NFL". It's like, dude .000001% or whatever of amazing HS football players actually ever make it to the NFL and most of them end up Gehrig Dieter, at best. He most likely would've played football for a few more years, quit when he wasn't good enough and gotten a job like everyone else.

There is nothing wrong with looking at your past and letting some of your experience shape your future decisions but at least be realistic about it. Like if my buddy had thought "I wish I didn't quit football when I did, it would've been fun to keep playing and I probably would've gotten laid more". Fine. Then you move on.

[comochiefsfan]

I’ve had a tough last couple years. Not going to going to bore you with too many details, but basically had a permanent falling out with some close friends who were very important to me. These people also happened to be coworkers so the circumstances meant a career change was necessary and I had to leave a job that I enjoyed.

It’s been rough since then. I look back at the events of what happened a lot. As weird as it sounds no one was really at fault. I was going through some stuff and they were going through their own shit and communication was bad and eventually before I knew what was going on, we got to a point where things were past the point of no return.

I’m relatively young compared to many here I imagine and I sort of thought that that job and those people were going to be pillars of my life going forward. It all crumbled on me and suddenly i felt like I had no identity. I’ll be honest almost two years later I’m still searching for that purpose again. I think I’m scared that something similar is going to happen to me again and it’s been incredibly difficult to be open with people and trust and all that emotional shit.

Long story short, yeah there are some things I would change there. I have a lot of time ahead of me so I’m sure someday It’ll be just an unfortunate blip in my life, but for now it’s something I constantly dwell on.

But it feels good to get some of that off my chest. Chiefs Planet: Just as good as any of the therapists I’ve been to.

[Iowanian]

Originally Posted by comochiefsfan

I’ve had a tough last couple years. Not going to going to bore you with too many details, but basically had a permanent falling out with some close friends who were very important to me. These people also happened to be coworkers so the circumstances meant a career change was necessary and I had to leave a job that I enjoyed.

It’s been rough since then. I look back at the events of what happened a lot. As weird as it sounds no one was really at fault. I was going through some stuff and they were going through their own shit and communication was bad and eventually before I knew what was going on, we got to a point where things were past the point of no return.

I’m relatively young compared to many here I imagine and I sort of thought that that job and those people were going to be pillars of my life going forward. It all crumbled on me and suddenly i felt like I had no identity. I’ll be honest almost two years later I’m still searching for that purpose again. I think I’m scared that something similar is going to happen to me again and it’s been incredibly difficult to be open with people and trust and all that emotional shit.

Long story short, yeah there are some things I would change there. I have a lot of time ahead of me so I’m sure someday It’ll be just an unfortunate blip in my life, but for now it’s something I constantly dwell on.

But it feels good to get some of that off my chest. Chiefs Planet: Just as good as any of the therapists I’ve been to.

I feel that.

I left a job if had for a long time because I felt disrespected by one of the owners. I thought he wasn’t retiring for 5 years and I was t waiting on him. It was a pride thing….the prick was my boss and didn’t speak to me for a year so it wasn’t like he was even up my ass. New companies flirted and I eventually was recruited away to something that sounded great…but it’s been chaos since and I know they’re going to screw me. I reached out to my old gig and while the relationship with the new president is great, there is t a spot for me and it’s not an option. Looking back, knowing what I know….id have stayed right where I was and the problem guy will be gone at the end of this year.

I learned that people I thought were good friends were just coworkers I liked for the most part.

Because it’s better to look at the windshield than the rear view….ive learned enough from my mistakes and I’m considering other opportunities that might be a lot better.

You just never know where those mistakes are going to tske you.

[Simple Simon]

Originally Posted by Bowser

Yes. While I was in basic training in the Air Force, there is a day where all the recruits sit in class where they offer jobs and posts, and they allow you to make a list of what job you would want and where you'd like to be stationed. About ten minutes into the class, a Staff Sergeant walks in and asks to see Airman Bowser. I kind of freak out that I was being singled out in front of 100-ish other guys, but I go out in the hall with him. I report to him all formally as we are taught to do, and he kind of laughs and tells me to relax, he isn't there for all of that. Long story short, he offers me a job to be a boon operator on a refueler. I absolutely freeze and dick it up, turning down his offer. He was cool about it, and with me, but looks at me and says "Are you sure? If you say no, this won't be offered again". I stick with my answer, he thanks me for my time, wishes me luck, and walks away. To this day, 30+ years later, I can still see his face and see him walking away, and I want so badly to tell 19 year old Bowser to run after him and tell him to take the freaking job, you freaking idiot. That literally would have been a dream job for me, and I most likely would have made the Air Force my career. That is absolutely my One Thing I Would Change Moment.

But, that said, I've had a pretty good life in spite of being a 19 year old dumbass, lol (there are those that would argue it wasn't just at 19 years old, haha). I read a quote once saying something along the lines of "the longer you live in the past regretting mistakes, the deeper you push yourself into living with depression". It's true, and I try not to be that person, but just appreciate what I've done and who I've become since. It's all we can do, really.


*EDIT - not that it's terribly important, but I really do feel that I was offered that job because of my dad's service during WWII as a top turret gunner on a B-17. They would not have taken an interest in me, I believe, if I hadn't been his kid (dad was 48 when I was born; I was a total "ooops" baby, lol).

I'd have done the same thing. I would have waited until I was at least 21, and instead of going active duty, I would have signed a reservist contract, went to college and then become an Officer. Having said that, no regrets. My life is good.

[loochy]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

I feel that.

.

I learned that people I thought were good friends were just coworkers I liked for the most part.

This is so true. Companies, especially large ones, try to gaslight you into believing that you are a part of a family and that your coworkers depend on you. They try to manipulate you into becoming attached to the job and the people you interact with instead of treating it what it actually is: an exchange of your time and effort for money. Your real family is at home. Now I'm not saying that people should be miserable asses at work, but see it for what it is, and don't forget that you'll be forgotten and replaced in weeks, if not days.

[scho63]

There are more important things I would undo or redo if I could but one of the most unique things happened in 1991 or 1992.

I was working for Dean Witter in New Jersey for several years after leaving a penny stock firm, Investors Center, that was a scam. Jordon Belfort got his start there.

I was given two tickets by my manager to the Dean Witter Memorial Golf Tournament in Columbus Ohio that also included the company's hospitality tent.

I was a big golfer and played with my manager and a couple of colleagues often so he knew how much I would cherish them.

Another buddy that worked with me prior and was now at another Dean Witter office agreed to drive out with me. My buddy had a friend from growing up in Pittsburgh that was going to Ohio State and had rooms for us to crash.

We packed up and made the 8 hour trip from NJ to OH. Got to see Ohio State University Stadium during a big track meet and was surprised how cold it was with all the concrete and old surroundings.

Sunday arrived and we headed to the course.

After watching for several hours, we hit the hospitality tent for food and booze. While inside I ran into Jim Higgins, the CEO of Dean Witter. A real great and gregarious Irishman. He remembered me from a few years prior when I went to the US Senior Open at Ridgewood Country Club in New Jersey that we also sponsored and I met him for the first time in the hospitality tent there.

We spent some time talking and he found out I drove all the way from New Jersey.

I went back out on the course to watch more golf along with my buddy for most of the day.

We came back to the hospitality tent and Jim Higgins was still inside mingling with many corporate guests of Dean Witter and the PGA.

He came up to me after a short time and asked me: "Do you have your clubs with you? Tomorrow everyone still here will be playing one hole with Jack Nicklaus and we have a bunch of openings. If you are interested you can play and I will let your office manager know."

I was dumbfounded and he said to let him know soon.

My buddy, who became a big SVP at Raymond James for over 30 years, was just in a new relationship with his girlfriend, who is now his wife and mother of his kids. He said he needed to get back to NJ and couldn't stay and also had to work.

I wish I told him to take my car and I would fly or he could fly back.

Instead I told Jim Higgins I couldn't stay.

So this stupid **** writing this post turned down the chance to play a hole of golf with Jack Nicklaus.

Later in life I had to cancel a round at Pebble Beach with another buddy due to Vertigo and my ear needing to have a large bunch of wax and hair off my eardrum due to extreme pain. He never let me live it down. Neither of us ever played Pebble Beach.

I did get a blowjob from an ex-girlfriend while driving home from Pebble Beach in 2002 after drinks in the clubhouse but it hardly makes up for not playing Pebble Beach.

R.I.P. Jim Higgins - a great guy who passed almost a decade ago.
https://www.vanemburgh.com/obituary/3942085

[comochiefsfan]

Originally Posted by loochy

This is so true. Companies, especially large ones, try to gaslight you into believing that you are a part of a family and that your coworkers depend on you. They try to manipulate you into becoming attached to the job and the people you interact with instead of treating it what it actually is: an exchange of your time and effort for money. Your real family is at home. Now I'm not saying that people should be miserable asses at work, but see it for what it is, and don't forget that you'll be forgotten and replaced in weeks, if not days.

This is exactly what happened to me.

I got hooked in, line and sinker. Young guy working at a large “hip” company surrounded by other young people in the same boat as me. Tons of extracurricular activities and events you actually wanted to go to. It didn’t take long for me to see my coworkers as my real life best friends. Especially since we would do happy hours and hang out on weekends outside of work.

The work was mindless and boring, but the company did a masterful job of making a day of work feel like going to hang out with your friends so you didn’t care how tedious and dull it would’ve been otherwise.

When everything collapsed on me, it was a cruel lesson that if you meet someone through work, as long as you still work with them they are a coworker first and a friend second.

I made the mistake of forgetting the coworker part and entrusting these people like they were lifelong friends. God it still hurts. I absolutely did not handle some things well but to get stabbed in the back by people that told you that you could trust them is just hard.

Brutal life lesson for a stupid naive young man.

It also plunged me into a deep depression that I’m still crawling out of. Plus I neglected my real friends far too often for these phonies because I thought they represented what I wanted my life to be.

Ugh.

[Yo Murphy.]

3 pages in and no penis reduction surgery is a bit of a surprise. I would change that.