Biggest Regret(s) of Your Life

[GabyKeepsMeWarm]

Young guy at work has kinda taken a liking to me lately. He found out about my “former life”, and he’s been filled with questions and always chatting me up.

He’s a good kid; bright, handsome, and hopefully doesn’t fall into the trappings of life before he even has a chance to get started.

At any rate…. While sharing some stories, I fell upon one that turned into my total regret, combined with rummaging around in some old boxes where I found a few “treasures”, an old photo of my dad with me and my siblings. Been looking for that photo for a long time, and it’s more special after my dad’s passing a few years ago. Found my old Blockbuster member card. An old flyer from my band of 20+ years ago. A huge chunk of ticket stubs from movies and shows I went to from the early 2000’s. And a buttload of old call sheets from the first movie I worked on. Then I found an unopened card/letter that was meant for Spencer Grammer. My heart sank.

I briefly dated her in 2001/2002. We worked together at first, and I was her trainer. We had immediate rapport and chemistry in spite of our age difference. She was only 18 and I was 25. We’d worked together for several weeks before I discovered she was a star’s daughter. Was a busy Saturday and I’m working the info stand, customers everywhere, and I’m locked in on the search computer when I hear her familiar voice, “Hey Tom! Just wanted to say hi! And this is my dad!” I no longer than have the words, “hey Spence”, out of my mouth and there’s Frasier ****ing Crane. Oh. Right. Grammer. Well **** me…

Things were pretty much normal for the next several weeks as we worked aside each other. We were closing together one night and it came up that I had a bootleg DVD of Royal Tennenbaums. She hadn’t seen it, and asked if we could hang out together after work and watch it at my place. Folks, I had reservations knowing her age, but **** it, it’s just watching a movie, right? Well, we’re about 30 minutes into the movie and she puts the moves on me, flat out asking if she can kiss me. So yup. You can imagine how that played out. And it played out again several more times over the following weeks. And it was great. We got along perfectly. No games, no arguments, just pure chemistry.

And then she was going to take off to NYC for a couple months for classes…. And during this time I ran across an online article with her and her dad and according to the site, she was only 16 years old. I FREAKED. I ghosted her completely. She’d call, I never answered. Emails. Nope. Finally talked to her after hearing she was in a serious car wreck and I told her that we couldn’t see each other anymore. Well, turns out the online article’s dates were wrong, she was in fact 18 turning 19, and while it was maybe a slightly inappropriate age gap, it wasn’t illegal, and I wasn’t a sicko getting hunted by the FBI.

I ****ed up. Colossal **** up. I’ve found love a few times since. Plenty of relationships. Nothing has ever worked out. And now I’m middle aged and still single. I haven’t obsessed about her or thought too much about it, but yeah, I regret how that played out. I was naive, listening to my friends too much and not trusting myself enough at that time. I’ll never know if we could’ve continued to be a couple, but I’ll be damned if I haven’t had several moments of wondering what could have been.

Second worst regret…. I’m ashamed to admit I got a DUI after graduating college. Was on my way from the bars with a buddy to grab a bite to eat and “sober up”, but I was driving 7 over the limit, got popped, and spent the night in the pokie. Mom picked me up the following day and her favorite cousin had died the same day. I wished the world would just swallow me up. I spent a good chunk of all the money gifts from graduating college on paying fines, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more ashamed in my life.


So what about you CPer’s? What are your most regrettable moments?

[Hydrae]

Originally Posted by Katipan

Since we really don’t know what other flaps of the butterfly wings would happen had you gentlemen not endured what you experienced, I don’t imagine regret does you much good.

Like those cool books where you pick your storyline, I wouldn’t mind seeing some re-enactments of what my life would have looked like with different choices.

But purely out of scientific curiosity.

I agree, I would be interested to know how my life might have unfolded if I had made one different decision early in life. But I am good with where I am and who I am so no regerts here.

That decision was the choice of a stupid 18 year old. I graduated HS in 78 and started going to Oregon State for computer programming. I had shown a bit of an ability during the one semester of programming available in HS and really enjoyed it. But, I also had my first girlfriend who was a senior in high school. Every weekend I was going back home to see her. After about 6 weeks, I decided I was a smart guy and I could be making as much money in 4 years without school.

Of course, if I had followed through and graduated in 82, there was a smallish company in Remond Washington that I might have been able to get on with. Starting during the early years with Microsoft just might have made my life a little different.

Always wondered what that might have looked like.

[BWillie]

Probably going to college and getting a job. Wish I had just dropped out and pursued poker right then instead of waited until 2012. Missed millions and millions that could have been earned from 2003 to 2012.

[Bearcat]

I've more or less come to the same conclusions as people who are far more spiritual, but from the opposite direction.

Being cheerfully nihilistic, I think everything happens for a reason, and that reason is randomness and the chaos of the universe, and being idiots. Deal with what comes at you the best you can in that moment, knowing you're ultimately a dumbass just like everyone else, and you'll have minimal regrets.

I'm not butterfly-effect in terms of decisions ultimately leading to your best possible life... sometimes you **** around and permanently find out... but, I also wouldn't change something 5 or 10 or 30 years ago with zero knowledge of what all it would impact for better or worse.


Probably the biggest thing though would be wishing I had put more effort towards knowing my grandparents and many extended family members more so when I was younger... I was pretty antisocial growing up and my immediate family really only saw extended family at holidays (definitely didn't come from the outgoing wing of the family). As I got a bit older, I definitely could have put more effort towards those relationships (one example, my mom had a big falling out with her mom, so I didn't see my grandmother for years growing up. I saw her while I was working at a restaurant when I was ~16 or 17 and she told me "just so you know, you can always stop by anyway"... ). Grandparents have passed, as well as some other extended family members.

[Gary Cooper]

The one that got away.

[displacedinMN]

dont jump over a hurdle at age 34.


other than that, small decisions I would like to undo. But nothing major

[Wallymo]

I didn't register to this board in 2016 when I discovered and started reading it.

[Pepe Silvia]

Not killing myself years ago.

[Frazod]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

That I never Served.

At the very least, I went to Law School to go into the JAG corps. Got waitlisted, took a job. Got accepted but felt I owed it to the firm that took a flyer on me to play it out. If I wasn't going to grab a rifle and stand a post, I should have at LEAST done the Jag thing.

But inertia took over. I've done well enough and things have turned out pretty nicely for me (most days). But I can't imagine even a short term in JAG would've changed things THAT much and maybe I'd have gone career. Hell, I'd be nearing retirement eligibility as a Lt. Col at worst right about now.

I spent three years working for JAG lawyers in the Navy. A Few Good Men very accurately portrayed what they were like. For the most part, the good ones, like Cruise's Caffey, do their time, rack up experience/get JAG on the ol' resume and move out, not up, as soon as they're able. The bumbling micromanagers like Moore's Galloway end up staying in forever. Caffey would have ended up a multi-millionaire PI lawyer with his own firm doing annoying TV commercials, and Galloway would have made admiral and ****ed up everything she touched along the way.

[MarkDavis'Haircut]

Rooting for the Raiders and Pirates.

Nothing but misery.

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by MarkDavis'Haircut

Rooting for the Raiders and Pirates.

Nothing but misery.

When are those assholes going to call up Bubba Chandler?!?!

God almighty, that kid is impressive. Like....might well end up a 1b to Skenes style impressive.

If he can dial in his fastball command, he's as good as a prospect gets. And I watched him in that Spring Breakout game (maybe against the Phillies squad?), he CAN paint with it. It just seems to come and go on him a bit.

Kid has absolutely vile stuff. If they'd have called him up to start the year, I think he could've won the ROY. Hell, he still has a shot with Sasaki scuffling.

[Chief Pote]

It was 1983 on a warm summer day in Ohio, I friggin lost my mind and bought a 1978 Chevy Chevette. Wow that was a regrettable day.

[MahomesMagic]

I had an idea ten years ago that mobile phones should automatically be able to reach out to other mobile phones of your friends and create available time slots for meetings, meet ups, etc.


It seemed like something Google and Apple had missed. I never moved forward with it and now see Calendly (which implemented one smaller piece of it) worth 3 Billion dollars.

[luv]

Not being younger when I had my son. I don't regret my life or anything in it, or even most of my decisions, as I'm in a good place. I just wish I could have 15 more years with my son than I'm going to get.

[Rain Man]

In terms of actual changes I would go back and make, it would be eating a healthier diet. I'm paying now for bad decisions back then.

There are other events that were bad, but I survived them and they led me to my current life, which I'm very happy with. So I wouldn't risk upsetting that path. I learned something from the various bad things, so maybe having those experiences kept me from having them again later.

Here's an oddity, though, and I wonder if I could have avoided some major headaches without changing my path.

What actually happened: After college, I took a job in St. Louis mostly to mollify a girlfriend and my mother, who both wanted me to stay in the Missouri area. I spent five years there, and was miserable the entire time. Nothing went right, except for one key thing: I met my wife. If not for that, I would easily root for changing my decision there. And it's possible that I could do it anyway. Why? See below.

What could have happened: I had two nearly identical job offers, one in St. Louis and one in Texas. I wanted to move to Texas, but didn't for the reasons cited above. But let's say I did. I would have dumped the girlfriend, which would have been a huge positive, and gotten some distance from my family, which would have been another huge positive. The jobs were more or less the same, so that's neutral. But what about meeting my wife?

Well, I met my wife when she took a job in my company. So would I have met her if I hadn't taken that job? As it turns out, she moved to Missouri from Texas to take the job. Her old job in Texas? It was at the very same company that had offered me the job. The two companies were partnered on a big contract, so she was working on the same project that I was, just at the other company. So it's quite possible that we would have met even if I had taken the Texas job. If I went back in time and took the Texas job, I could have avoided a five-year dumpster fire in St. Louis and still harvested the one positive takeaway.

[DJ's left nut]

I swear Rain Man is Walter Mitty.