Things i've seen on the road....

[Over-Head]

I started this thread a few months ago,hope no one minds me keeping it currant,and I hope you get a laugh out of it,even if it is at my expearience.

(ps...yeah I know I cant spell)


Ok Bishop...befor I have to get going,,heres a few of my favorite memories of 10yrs plus driving long haul coast to coast.....

Comming through the tunnel in Montreal Quebec one afternoon,I look in the mirrors to se this nissian 300zx all "blacked out" in the middle lane.
Looking down through the open T-top's when it got beside me (truckers have a WICKED view inside cars going by) I see this gal giving the driver a B.J. Traffic was really going slow,so being the sh*t disturber I am I light an M-60 fire cracker with about a 15 sec fuse on it and toss it into the back seat as they pulled away.....All I saw was his head and shoulders clear the roof line of the car.
He chased me for about 100 miles befor figuring out I wasnt pulling over.....

[Stryker]

OVER-HEAD:

You are hilarious!!!!!

~Pretty fly for a Raider guy!

[Joe Seahawk]

Great stuff Overhead......

[Over-Head]

In all serriousness,,,everything I've written is TRUE.
I've often thought about writing a book,but didnt know if it would be worth reading (by others),,,tell me honestly,,,all the foot notes and stuff I've made over the years,,,If I did a book like this,would you actually read it?
I aint asken for a critique or trying to be the next Stephen King,,,but I've always wanted to write but understand just how hard it is.

[Over-Head]

hey Joe and stryker...check out the "nick name thread"...its the first "story" I told to Bishop,,,also the most F'ing embarrasing moment of my life!!!!

[Stryker]

I read it as well as all the others. As for the book...

3 words my "RIVAL" friend:

GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Over-Head]

Now most of you have had that "slip in the rain" story to relate...this one happened on a misseriable night in Pittsburg.
I was at some grocerie center loading dock at O dark hundred when this dude ..oh lets call him "Loading dock Louie" descides that I not he should hand load 550 cases of "pampers"(as in baby diappers) into my trailer. While I wont give a verbatum on the dialouge,,it suffice to say the "F" word got used mighty liberally that evening. He figured my C.D.L...(commercial drivers licence) stood for Combination Driver Loader.
Getting ever more P*ssed by the min,as I was already 4 hrs late,ole' "Louie" descides now is a great time to "spark up a fatty".
Ok,,,now i'm seeing red!!!( I have to take random pee tests and I cant have any) I storm down the dock towards my truck,,,ahhhh did I mention it was raining? more like a friggen monsoon.... I did.... Good!
Because at exactly the same time my foot "thought" it was firmly decending the stairs to the parking lot below the dock,I began to see the stairs up close and personal.Yeppper...here's our "big time trucking hero" doing the Swan river head stand down a flight of stairs.
I read a book once where the author stated that he had this relationship with pain...."if I hurt then I know i'm still alive"....Trust me folks,,,I was very F'ing much alive at this moment!
"Louie" naerly p*ssed himself laughing at me,and now having firmly drenched m'self in Lake Utopia which had developed at the foot of the staris I limped back to the cab,for some dry cloths.
A funny thing happens when a parking lot gets all wet....the oils, grease and road slime from vehicles seem to come right out of the asphalt ,and cling to your shoes like baby sh*t to a blanket but as slippery as slick 50.........(keep this in mind,)..............
Now in the cab,and changed,put on a few band aids to ease my bleeding knee caps, light up a smoke and begin to try and out wait "Loading dock Louie" as to who exactly was gonna "finger print these here pampers. NO CONTEST!! As fast as he downed said "fatty" he passed out on the dock.
I begin to climb out of the truck now I'm really good and mad!!....
They teach you in safty school never have less than 2 points of contact between you and your truck when getting in and out of said vehical..(at least 1 hand on a grab handle or other solid means of support,with 1 or more body parts in relativly the same position) A good rule,,,,A REALLY GOOD RULE!!!!!
Guess what gentle readers???...the only point of contact at this piticular moment was my sneaker,,,,,,,,whats that you say?...Ahhhh you remembered the slimy gunk on the bottem of said sneaker from 3 partagraphs agao,,,.so like I really dont have to tell you what happend next do I ???
Mellon first onto the ole' ground AGAIN but only after preforming what must have been a compleat summersault on the way down which I would imagine looked like a cross between an elephant doing the splits and an albatros trying to take flight.

To make a long story short,I went through 3 sets of cloths , "Louie" never did wake back up and I spent the night like a drowned rat tossing casses of pampers in to my trailer.!!!!

GOD I JUST LOVE TRUCKING!!!!!!

[Over-Head]

Ok...one last one before I call it a night ,as my trailer is loaded and I have to get headding for Ohio.
Back a few years ago I used to pull flat bed trailers,now these are just dandy for hauling x-mass trees on.In a closed box trailer you can get ohhh 4-500 trees.On a flat bed,well heck,,,how greedy are ya?...I've personally gotten 750-900 on one.This of cource doesnt come with out some sacrafice!!
That would be the legal hight your allowed to run (13'6") Now a real funny thing happens when you start boogieing up the Blvd 15'6" tall with a load of "ho-ho bushes"....first off they WILL settle a bit,so when you come to the first state scale house ,all they make you do is try to tighten your cargo straps down a bit more,and send you on your way. I'm here to tell ya from first hand expearience....you might squash 14'6 down to 13'6'...and if your really BIG and strong ya might even get 15" down to 13'6"....but aint no way in hell yer EVER gonna get 15'6" to the 13-6 line.
UNLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You first happen to go under a few underpasses.....Ahhhhh the memories,,,,you feel the thud,knowing your load has "shrunk" a bit,you look in the mirrors to see if all's well only to see the "green cloud of pine needles" disapate,and be replaced by the funky red and blue's of a state trooper!
Ok...after he reams you a new hole,,your on your way to the "Big Apple"...yepper NYC,great place,used to love starting in Yonkers and going out to Long Isl with 15-20 dropps.
The first few are mighty neat,especially if the guys helping you......(read that : catching the trees YOU throw off the top of the trailer to them) unload are first timers,,or just temp help who have been having "cock-tails" to keep warm while waiting for you to show up.....
And trust me it never fails to be the coldest day of the week/year/century when you have to hump almost a 1000 "ho-ho-bushes" off your trailer.
The first few trees uysually look like building grade lumber "Good one side"....(refer back to the hight and underpass thing) this one year I skun up the top trees on the load dang near perfectly.
They could have laid flat against a wall......so thats what I told this guy on 141st st in Manhattan. ( See a driver has to come good for damaged trees and I do hate giving away $$$) He says....."WTF are these"??? I replied "arent you the one who ordered the .....(god i'm good on my feet at thinking quick) "APARTMENT TREES"....he looks at me like I have 3 heads and again says "WTF".....I explane to him how their the biggest rage in canada this year,,,and selling like hot cakes,as people in small appt's. can now have a big tree in half the space.Ya just stand it flush to a wall staple it in place and voliaaa!
I'd like to think it was my sales men ship that seald the deal...not the fifth of Jack he had obviously inhaled that day....He bought it hook line and sinker!!

[Over-Head]

well guys..thats it for me. Hope you've enjoyed a few stories of "every day life " on the road.I know it brought back more than a few laughable memories for me.Hope I can pop in again soon.
Who knows??..I just may write that book somday...........

Heres to a great year of rivalries and highlights.See ya in the trenches

[Over-Head]

I'm trying to keep this thread active for those out there that may enjoy a chuckel at my expence!!

[Over-Head]

Heres one from a not too long ago trip......


I was in a resturant /trk stop..when I over hear 2 folks going at it.(Couldnt help but over hear they were screaming!!)Now I had Nick with me...(he's built like a fire hydrant ..no neck all muscle)This guy..who we can call "Larry Lovelorn" was mighty persistant in going home with this woman...While she kept saying NO,,,he figured it was "in the bag"....
Now i'm no prude.....but after a long day of fighting 4 wheelers I was gettinga bit tired of this "soap opra"....
So I get up out of the booth,,,,after looking at Nick and saying ...."if this goes sour,,back me up"....And look at Joe Casanova ands say..."Knock it off bub,,,The lady said NO!"...
....Well..First I get a wide eye'd stare from him.But to my utter belief SHE jumps up and says......"Mind your own God D*mn busness!!"...turns to "Larry"and says....""Come on,,lest get out of here!".
I sheepshly slid back into my own booth and see Nick laughing his bloody, head off,just as he sputters......

"I was gonna jump in Over-Head...but that gal didnt look so tough,,any way Your still my hero".....
Took 2 weeks for me to live that one down!!

[Over-Head]

OK....now this one dont involve me..its one I heard over a cup offf coffee............


Million Mile Max was was climbing up the east side of "Rodgers Pass"..(in BC canada,,on the Trans Canada highway)with his new rookie/trainee Nervious Ned.
This pass is (I've been here folks!!!!) a mighty steep up hill grade for many miles,and the further up they go the worse the weather gets.,ANYWAY,,,,their climbing away,,,and about 3/4 the way up,is when they SHOULD have stopped and put tire chains on the drives of the Tractor for traction.....
Well the ole' Truck with her load of steal "wipes her feet" (trucker slang for "starts to spin") on an icy section.And of cource by now you can hear the snow flakes falling on the hood cuz it's snowing so hard outside,and ole' Max is attempting to chew through the ice to hold er' on the hill and its about as usles as a diaper on a buffalo.
The rig starts sliding backwards,Max lets er' go,and Nervious Ned go's ballastic.While the truck and trailer are going backwards down the mountain,Max ever so gently steers the trailer into the shoulder snow bank,where it fetches up!
NOW THE STORY REALLY GETS GOOD!!....he wips er' around,catches a gear,and startes back down the hill to a flat spot to chain up,,,then clears the mountain on the second try.So much for gods gift to truck driving!
Rumer has it when Max hit the bottem he took the grey hound home,and today is driving a delivery van for Eatons!,,,Acording to Ned,Max lost it and should be put away,Acording to Max,,,its a story that ....."you aint gonna believe this,but I swear it's true"!!!

[Over-Head]

Ok...back in 90' I went "up on the ice " for the first time,,,,(Driving the ice feilds of the Yukon,and North West Territories).And man was I green as to the "ways of the old guy's"......

This one day,i'm siting in a base camp when the boss come out and says I need a crew to do me a favore....(years later I now know,,you fake a ruptured apendix befor you do a camp boss a favor!)
It seemed that there was an old shed that neede moved up the ice a few miles.Now this camp boss had sort of taken it over from the last "crew" that was ther storing old tires and what have you in it.
So the plan was,,,with a pole and winch truck to lift it,,,put a set of portable axles under it,,,and drag it across the ice roads to it new home.
WELLLLL............
As we start to unload all the junk from insie we discover to our UTTER delight a half empty jug of clearliquid.Now these guys i'm with have been around,and it took all of a 3rd and inches fast audibal to determine it was moonshine!!Hell they even identified the the brand!
A snif and a finger lick conviences "Zoro" that it was Walter what's hisnames,while "Chips" is sure its Steve Simplysmashing's" brew.
The jug gets passed aroundand my little snort BARLY stays down,I didnt get sick or anything but my body just didnt need to feel "jet fuel " in it at 9am.
A half hr later these guys are stewed!!
"
Lets just drag er' cross the ice on er' skids " is "Zoro's" idea. "I mean the ice road is ICE and all...so it'll slide right?"...Who am I to not trust the judjement of a 25yr vetran of the ice feilds????
So here we go...2 guys with the Jug in the winch trk,,,and me with "Zoro" following behind in the co.pickup.
Well th ole' shack slid mighty fine the first few miles,and them two nuts "Chip's",and "Lester" are flying along lie they actually DID put a set of wheels under that shack.
BUt when we arrived at a paved section of road we had to follow for a mile or so...they forgot about the lack of wheels......

Well they took the turn onto the DRY road like a rocket on rails nearly sending the shack into the ditch on the far side.And peices of the sjkids the shack sat onwere flying out like the skin off of a peeled banana.

Now to this day I really dont know weither it was somthing IN the shed,,or the skids that cought fire,,,but by the time we got 2 miles up the road it was burning quite well and fine by it's self!
So now with "Zoro" passed oput beside me,,,and the other 2 a mess,,,,,,somone has to call the boss right?Was I scared?....Do rubber bots make yer feet smelll?? DAMN right I was
When the boss got there he just looked at me and said take the co.truck back to the camp...as for Zoro,Chip,and Lester....well the a$$ rippen them 3 got just aint printable!!

[Lzen]

OVER-HEAD,
You're not so bad, for a Raiders fan. You just need to get rid of that sig.
These trucker stories are great. Love 'em. Got any more?

Last night, "on the road" I saw an Opossum that looked like it had been run over 3-4 times...direct hits.

I thought to myself "at least another raider fan can feed his family tonight".

[Over-Head]

Just a quick one to keep this thread currant...Hope you get a laugh out of it, even at my expense.

............If you've read any of the previous stories,you've already figured out that for the most part truckers are a "breed of their own". And in the years I've been in the industry, one thing i've learned is true! While your at "Insert name here" truck stop in "insert name of town/state here" you can always cheer up an otherwise rotten day by sitting "near" the coffee counter and listening to the incredible (read that ...impossible, mind numming and I just ain't buying this sh*t) stories they have to tell on another. And trust me, the coffee counter stories are always the best *ones*?!?.

Now the coffee counter is a world of its own. There are some prerequisists for being able (read that allowed) to sit there. Now I'm not talking about the big sign hanging that says "Professional Drivers Only". No gentle readers this goes much further. First and foremost you must have the ten gallon hat--two sizes too large, the chain drive wallet, the quick draw pencil holder (the leather pouch with two holes for hanging pens..or pencils...much like a pocket protecter the geek in school used to wear, only not in your shirt)..hanging from your belt, the stearing wheel belt buckle holding together said belt, which holds up said quick draw pencil holder, hanging beside the belt clip holding 400 keys and 18 feathers that hangs to their knees of which 300 they have NO idea what they are used for.

Now cap this off with the hundred dollar "Tony Lamas" which 9 times out of 10 are $30 K-mart specials...(just dont' ever say that to their face)..which are wrapped with the steal bumpers in the front and the spurs on the back....jingle jangling as they walk. Pretty picture ...ain't it folks. Now wrap a leather vest around him, hang a winston ever so precariously from his bottom lip, 4 days growth stubble on face and eyeballs that look like two pi$$ holes in the snow.

Now if you can accomplish all of this and still walk like you just got kicked in the nutts but not have the "Oh My God This Hurts" look on your face, you too can sit at the coffee counter. But I might add...you also have to be able to talk normally yet be the loudest idiot in the whole restaurant.

PS....I don't sit at the coffee counter,just close enough to laugh!