I'm on a mission to shit - Page 3

Hammock Parties · 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM

Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.

RaiderH8r · 05-19-2014, 12:09 PM

All I ask is that you do a weigh in before and after so we can truly grasp the scale of the thing.

**ptlyon** · 05-19-2014, 12:09 PM

PS - have you seen Raggot?

booger · 05-19-2014, 12:09 PM

Get a shop vac. Take the suction cup of the plunger handle. Don't throw the handle away. Could come in handy to beat that bastard if it gots hair, teeth, is breathing, and/or winks at you when it comes out. Duct tape suction cup to vac hose. Crank it up and wait awhile

**srvy** · 05-19-2014, 12:10 PM

This and that. Because you wont make the toilet.

Dayze · 05-19-2014, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by htismaqe

Saline laxative works just as well as is far less "intrusive".

didn’t know that.
I hope he didn’t make the entire thing up just to have an excuse for the enema.

RaiderH8r · 05-19-2014, 12:11 PM

Required.

Dinny Bossa Nova · 05-19-2014, 12:13 PM

There's a butt plug joke in there somewhere.

Dinny

Dayze · 05-19-2014, 12:14 PM

beads.

Otter · 05-19-2014, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dayze

enema time. my newphew years back was stopped up for like 4-5 days for whatever reason, and he had to get 'cleaned out'.

Quote:

I routinely go 2-3 days without making a deposit.
I'm sure I'm broken. lol

I just want you to know up front that when I splice the genes together to make the Chiefs QB for 2020 your familes digestive system will not be included.

booger · 05-19-2014, 12:15 PM

Quit soliciting those trannys on Craigslist man they got your shit all ****ed up

**gblowfish** · 05-19-2014, 12:15 PM

So, did GoChiefs give birth yet?
Did it look like Mount Rushmore?

And more importantly, surgery for what?
Are you a woman now?

Dayze · 05-19-2014, 12:15 PM

Pasta Little Brioni · 05-19-2014, 12:17 PM

Simply is watching this thread with glee

**gblowfish** · 05-19-2014, 12:19 PM

He needs a Mega Colon Blow power shake...

Pepe Silvia · 05-19-2014, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gblowfish

He needs a Mega Colon Blow power shake...

I was thinking the same thing.

05-19-2014, 11:46 AM
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $2870478	I'm on a mission to shit Five days ago I had surgery. On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before. On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation. On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans. On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia. It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago. I'm on a mission. To shit. Please, God. Let me shit.
Posts: 287,936

05-19-2014, 12:09 PM	#31
RaiderH8r Now it's Willie Time! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Beating hippies Casino cash: $4443512	All I ask is that you do a weigh in before and after so we can truly grasp the scale of the thing. __________________ “You may think RaiderH8r is just a thinker. But I’m not just a thinker. I’m a doer. Every day I go out there, and rev that engine, fire it up, grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra. And when the fear rises up in my belly, I use it. Fear is powerful, because it’s been there for billions of years. And it is good. And I use it. And I ride it; I ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell.”
Posts: 4,053

05-19-2014, 12:09 PM	#32
ptlyon Bono & Grbac wasn't enough Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Sioux City, IA Casino cash: $11263829	PS - have you seen Raggot? __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Advertise here: $19.99 a month
Posts: 37,298

05-19-2014, 12:09 PM	#33
booger Don't Tug on Superman's Cape Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: clear out in the sticks Casino cash: $-331450	Get a shop vac. Take the suction cup of the plunger handle. Don't throw the handle away. Could come in handy to beat that bastard if it gots hair, teeth, is breathing, and/or winks at you when it comes out. Duct tape suction cup to vac hose. Crank it up and wait awhile __________________ 2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
Posts: 12,689

05-19-2014, 12:11 PM	#36
RaiderH8r Now it's Willie Time! Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Beating hippies Casino cash: $4443512	Required. __________________ “You may think RaiderH8r is just a thinker. But I’m not just a thinker. I’m a doer. Every day I go out there, and rev that engine, fire it up, grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra. And when the fear rises up in my belly, I use it. Fear is powerful, because it’s been there for billions of years. And it is good. And I use it. And I ride it; I ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell.”
Posts: 4,053

05-19-2014, 12:13 PM	#37
Dinny Bossa Nova MVP Join Date: Nov 2001 Casino cash: $9990442	There's a butt plug joke in there somewhere. Dinny
Posts: 5,050

05-19-2014, 12:14 PM	#38
Dayze Resident Glue Sniffer Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $3599358	beads. __________________ Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy
Posts: 37,400

05-19-2014, 12:15 PM	#40
booger Don't Tug on Superman's Cape Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: clear out in the sticks Casino cash: $-331450	Quit soliciting those trannys on Craigslist man they got your shit all **ed up __________________ 2 Chronicles 7:14** If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
Posts: 12,689

05-19-2014, 12:15 PM	#41
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $17316178 VARSITY	So, did GoChiefs give birth yet? Did it look like Mount Rushmore? And more importantly, surgery for what? Are you a woman now?
Posts: 40,914

05-19-2014, 12:15 PM	#42
Dayze Resident Glue Sniffer Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $3599358	__________________ Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy
Posts: 37,400

05-19-2014, 12:17 PM	#43
Pasta Little Brioni Consuming CP souls Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: U.S.A. Casino cash: $2178880	Simply is watching this thread with glee
Posts: 71,559

05-19-2014, 12:19 PM	#44
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $17316178 VARSITY	He needs a Mega Colon Blow power shake...
Posts: 40,914