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Old 05-19-2014, 11:46 AM  
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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I'm on a mission to shit
Five days ago I had surgery.

On the first day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as I had not eaten since lunchtime the day before.

On the second day I did not shit. This did not surprise me, as the doctors informed me that I may experience constipation.

On the third day, I did not shit. I became concerned. I began eating apples, taking a stool softener, and enjoyed a large bowl of indian beans.

On the fourth day, I did not shit. My bowels began to feel...too full. I drank two large glasses of Metamucil and two tablespoons of milk of magnesia.

It is the fifth day, and I have not shat, though farts are coming profusely and with great force. I took two tablets of Senokot (recommended by my doctor) and downed a large bowl of Kellog's Fiber Plus about an hour ago.

I'm on a mission. To shit.

Please, God. Let me shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:19 PM   #241
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Speaking of shit, my stool's been green for about the past 5 days or so. I haven't changed my diet so I'm kind of curious as to what it could be..

Of course WebMD churned up some pretty scary results. I hate that website.
WebMD is a great website. It says you have 2 months to live before you die from AIDS but in reality all you have is an allergy problem
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:23 PM   #242
BeeHo BeeHo is offline
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be one with the poop. then you can move the poop.
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Old 05-19-2014, 10:50 PM   #243
TimeForWasp TimeForWasp is offline
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Didn't you lose a bet? Your username should be something shittier than the one you have.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:01 PM   #244
LiveSteam LiveSteam is online now
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:02 PM   #245
LiveSteam LiveSteam is online now
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Good God man
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:05 PM   #246
booger booger is offline
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Did you cry?
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:06 PM   #247
SDChiefs SDChiefs is offline
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:30 PM   #248
TimBone TimBone is offline
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God damn it. I can't believe I actually just saw a picture of Clay's shit.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:37 PM   #249
Bob Dole Bob Dole is offline
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Originally Posted by ThaVirus View Post
Nope, my diet is far from high in leafy greens.

Google says I either have Crohn's or my shit is just passing through my intestines too quickly.
Or you are drinking too much grape soda...
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:49 PM   #250
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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As it turns out taking too many laxatives in a 48-hour period can lead to some stomach discomfort. Oy vey.
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Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.Hammock Parties is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 05-20-2014, 06:04 AM   #251
loochy loochy is offline
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That's actually not as bad as I expected. I bet it was the consistency of a piece of rebar though. Did you cry when it came out? How's your butt? Did it tear?
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Old 05-20-2014, 06:06 AM   #252
Dayze Dayze is offline
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why is the top of the turd folded over like a poop oragami?
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Old 05-20-2014, 06:13 AM   #253
booger booger is offline
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Didn't you lose a bet? Your username should be something shittier than the one you have.
TP queen from the looks of it
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booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.booger has parlayed a career as a truck driver into debt free trailer and jon boat ownership.
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Old 05-20-2014, 07:14 AM   #254
srvy srvy is online now
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Some of you shit gazers need to be passed out spoons. Sorta like the cream of mushroom soup vomit scene in The Great Santini

Come on grunts get on it.
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Old 05-20-2014, 07:17 AM   #255
htismaqe htismaqe is offline
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I had the ol colonoscopy procedure done last year. Maybe you could get your doc to prescribe you some of the stuff they use for the prep. I swear I shit out stuff from the 70's after downing that.
He already used some, it's called magnesium citrate.
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