Caught my woman cheating.

[beach tribe]

Ex-Boyfriend.
Crazy history. Never Met him.

Been together 6 years.
Love her Madly.
Have a 4 year old with autism together.

God damn I'm hurting.

Don't want to do anything crazy.
10 years ago he would be in the hospital.
Gotta be smarter/better than that.

Not handling these emotions well....

[ChiefGator]

Originally Posted by Easy 6

I disagree, Virus... sometimes love IS worth fighting for

Dont know if thats true in BT's case, but people successfully move on from infidelity all of the time

Originally Posted by Gonzo

The biggest mistake she and I made was not trying hard enough. We've since reconciled and now we live together again and could not be happier. We should've got counseling and taken some time apart. If we had, we would've made it without losing thousands of dollars.

Indeed.. I don't think day one was the time to hear this.. and this is probably still too early. But, definitely consider it BT.

And, I know it sucks. If you find you really don't care, then is probably the time to call it off. When my wife asked for a divorce the second time, we were splitting up the house items fifteen minutes later.. that was clearly the time.

[RunKC]

Originally Posted by Gonzo

Some of you know that Lumpy and I divorced a few years ago and we have an autistic son together.

Now then, the last thing he needs is people calling her names and telling him to dump her etc.
This is a decision that he needs to make on his own. He's got to take so much into account here.
What happens to his daughter, his income, property etc.
Will the divorce be nasty or not, can they reconcile? Lawyers are expensive.

The biggest mistake she and I made was not trying hard enough. We've since reconciled and now we live together again and could not be happier. We should've got counseling and taken some time apart. If we had, we would've made it without losing thousands of dollars.

Wow man. I'm really happy you were able to make that kind of progress and be happy together.
That is awesome

[ClevelandBronco]

Originally Posted by Arrowhead Nation

I'm actually going to suggest something that I haven't seen mentioned.

Forgive her

I'm not saying that you guys don't need some counseling, and serious relationship repair, but I know of many couples where the adultery didn't result in divorce. I know that it takes two to tango, but If you really do love her, and your children, then stay and deal with it. Forgiveness isn't about her...it's about you.

And honestly, take a few minutes and think about how powerful the testimony will be on the other side of this. To your future children. To your family. To your friends.

If God forgives us, we can forgive each other.

IMHO, forgiving her is sound advice regardless of whether the relationship is ever repaired. In my experience, forgiveness isn't about letting the offending party off the hook. It's more about my own spiritual, psychological and emotional fitness. It's also a way to claim some control over an uncontrollable situation.

[BlackHelicopters]

Move forward. Don't look back.

[Buehler445]

Originally Posted by Gonzo

Some of you know that Lumpy and I divorced a few years ago and we have an autistic son together.

Now then, the last thing he needs is people calling her names and telling him to dump her etc.
This is a decision that he needs to make on his own. He's got to take so much into account here.
What happens to his daughter, his income, property etc.
Will the divorce be nasty or not, can they reconcile? Lawyers are expensive.

The biggest mistake she and I made was not trying hard enough. We've since reconciled and now we live together again and could not be happier. We should've got counseling and taken some time apart. If we had, we would've made it without losing thousands of dollars.

Holy shit. I had no idea you guys split. Shows WTF I know.

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by beach tribe

Hey guys.

Just checking in.

I am surprised at myself for remembering how strong and resilient I am.
Still not ready to talk too much about, though.
Distractions and reminders aren't helpful right now.

Haven't read the whole thread but I will.

This place gets nasty sometimes but it's also jammed packed with good people who aren't afraid to voice their true opinions.

What I have read has really helped.

Sincerely,

thank you.

GOOD DEAL.

Peace be with you brother, God be with you, and may the reddest of lights shine upon you.

[rabblerouser]

Originally Posted by ClevelandBronco

IMHO, forgiving her is sound advice regardless of whether the relationship is ever repaired. In my experience, forgiveness isn't about letting the offending party off the hook. It's more about my own spiritual, psychological and emotional fitness. It's also a way to claim some control over an uncontrollable situation.

Forgiving my ex-wife has done wonders for every single relationship in my life. Seriously.

And now, we're friends again, my girlfriend and my ex are friends, and most of all, our BS doesn't get in the way of doing the right things for our kid.

Forgiveness is everything.

But I could never actually go back to being in an intimate relationship with my ex- she hurt me too much for any possibility of that ever again. It's okay, I understand and I forgive her... but I could never put myself in that situation again. Probably never get married again.

And that's okay.

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by Easy 6

I disagree, Virus... sometimes love IS worth fighting for



Dont know if thats true in BT's case, but people successfully move on from infidelity all of the time

You may be right. I'm still trying to figure all this shit out.

I can just say for myself, I would lose all trust after being cheated on.

[KC native]

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

Forgiving my ex-wife has done wonders for every single relationship in my life. Seriously.

And now, we're friends again, my girlfriend and my ex are friends, and most of all, our BS doesn't get in the way of doing the right things for our kid.

Forgiveness is everything.

But I could never actually go back to being in an intimate relationship with my ex- she hurt me too much for any possibility of that ever again. It's okay, I understand and I forgive her... but I could never put myself in that situation again. Probably never get married again.

And that's okay.

I love it when documented pieces of shit like you think anyone listens to your advice.

[Graystoke]

Originally Posted by ClevelandBronco

IMHO, forgiving her is sound advice regardless of whether the relationship is ever repaired. In my experience, forgiveness isn't about letting the offending party off the hook. It's more about my own spiritual, psychological and emotional fitness. It's also a way to claim some control over an uncontrollable situation.

I need to echo this. No matter the outcome, eventually one needs to move on.
Forgiveness allows this. There is no timetable for forgiveness. But often if you don't, it will do more harm to yourself.
My Wife cheated on me. We got divorced and it ate the hell outa me. I was mad and in the long run the anger was hurting me. I forgave her, and moved on. Today we have a great relationship. We are family. Once you have children together, like it or not, you are family. I know because of this past I became a better man.
Wishing you the best.

[BossChief]

Haven't read the thread, but let me say this.

If you take her back, once a cheater always a cheater.

Realize it's probably not your fault, move on, forgive her and try to be "friends" while lawyering up and get custody of your kid. She will always be in your life, so it's best to try and be friendly to each other...for the sake of your child.

DO NOT let her take your child.

Also, don't try to convince yourself that you can just ignore it and move on.

Some people chose counseling and whatnot, but she made the choice to throw everything away.

[Graystoke]

Originally Posted by KC native

I love it when documented pieces of shit like you think anyone listens to your advice.

Dude, lighten up. His advice on this is pretty solid.

[Easy 6]

Originally Posted by Gonzo

Some of you know that Lumpy and I divorced a few years ago and we have an autistic son together.

Now then, the last thing he needs is people calling her names and telling him to dump her etc.
This is a decision that he needs to make on his own. He's got to take so much into account here.
What happens to his daughter, his income, property etc.
Will the divorce be nasty or not, can they reconcile? Lawyers are expensive.

The biggest mistake she and I made was not trying hard enough. We've since reconciled and now we live together again and could not be happier. We should've got counseling and taken some time apart. If we had, we would've made it without losing thousands of dollars.

Wow, I had no idea you two had reconciled, congratulations!

See guys... it can and does happen if both sides want it to happen

[BossChief]

Originally Posted by rabblerouser

Forgiving my ex-wife has done wonders for every single relationship in my life. Seriously.

And now, we're friends again, my girlfriend and my ex are friends, and most of all, our BS doesn't get in the way of doing the right things for our kid.

Forgiveness is everything.

But I could never actually go back to being in an intimate relationship with my ex- she hurt me too much for any possibility of that ever again. It's okay, I understand and I forgive her... but I could never put myself in that situation again. Probably never get married again.

And that's okay.

And don't let this event turn your heart to stone.

You're a good guy, not every woman is untrustworthy.

[KC native]

These threads always annoy the shit out of me because of the guys that say "GET UR KID! MAKE DAT WHORE PAY CHILD SUPPORT!"

Unless there are substance abuse issues, mental health issues, or abuse issues, the courts are going to side with the mom 9 times out of 10. Beachtribe didn't mention any of these. Unless he has a bottomless bank account and the best family lawyer ever, he will get joint custody if they split.

Also, the whole "once a cheater, always a cheater" line is bullshit. I know several people whose relationships have survived infidelity (both the man stepping out or the woman stepping out). If the relationship is worth saving and you want to make the effort to save it (and it will take a lot of effort), then try to save it.

Obviously there is a reason as to why she cheated. She could have felt like beachtribe wasn't satisfying her emotionally, sexually, etc. Sometimes those things are fixable. Sometimes they aren't. Without knowing why she did it, then you can't make the determination as to whether it is save-able or not.