Marriage Question

[royr17]

Ok lets start here.

I need some help with some things i need to know on gettin married, the do's, the dont's, the things you need to know about that.

I see you guys here some are married some arent so the ones that know stuff i need to know let me know about it.

So what are the things i should know about it, cause i dont wanna wait my whole life to get married, i actually wanna be married before i turn 26 which is 6 years from now.

But I wanna get started early in startin a family, so what are the do's and dont's in marriage ???

[lardass]

Originally Posted by J Diddy

sh#t, didn't even occur to me to mooch off my parents.

D'oh!

[unlurking]

I agree somewhat. For me, a dependant child was motivation to change my lifestyle. Some people just can't be motivated to past themselves.

Marriages fail because of the people involved, not the stresses life throw at them. You are either strong enough to handle life or you are not. That doesn't change with age, only the "stresses" do.

[Slayer Diablo]

Originally Posted by Rausch

More relationships end due to the baggage and bull$3it people carry with them than any hardship the world has to offer...

Originally Posted by lardass

I think relationships fail for a variety of reasons; it's too hard to pinpoint exactly which ones are more prevalent but I tend to agree with that assessment.

Good analysis to both of you, but I would have to say that ya gotta look at the reason for all of that. There's one common reason and it happens to the vast majority of marriages today: infatuation. It's the one thing that causes all failed marriages. We all know how it starts out...two people date for a while, think they really know each other and what it would be like to live together for so long, but they still don't have that special connection. They're still attracted to other people, they find out things about one anothers' "past life" that scare the living $3it outta them, and other signs of the foolish relationship. And FWIW, I hate the misconception that infatuations are always extremely shortlived, so I'm just gonna put this out there before we have unneeded posts that lead to it: an infatuation is defined as a foolish relationship and can last anywhere from 5 seconds to 500 years....

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by unlurking

Marriages fail because of the people involved, not the stresses life throw at them. You are either strong enough to handle life or you are not. That doesn't change with age, only the "stresses" do.

Exactly.

And to be frank, stress isn't origninal. Everyone has to pay bills, suffer the death of friends and family, temptation to cheat, and odds are at least one twisted parent.

The only difference is how extreme each catagory is...

[ShortRoundChief]

Originally Posted by Rausch

Exactly.

And to be frank, stress isn't origninal. Everyone has to pay bills, suffer the death of friends and family, temptation to cheat, and odds are at least one twisted parent.

The only difference is how extreme each catagory is...

My goal is to be the extreme twisted parent.

I think I'm half way home.

[lardass]

Most relationships that fail were originally based on infatuation and lust whereas solid relationships are dependant on something beyond liking your partner. That is certainly the basis of understanding why relationships fail, people do not have realistic understandings and expectations about what they are getting into and who they are getting into it with. Some people even have trouble understanding who they are and what they are all about, let alone someone else. All of these things contribute to failures in relationships. It takes a pair of really honest people to do it right, it's perfectly understandable to see why these things fail.

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by J Diddy

My goal is to be the extreme twisted parent.

I think I'm half way home.

I'm six shades of twisted, I just don't feel any urge to be a parent.

But I'd make one helluva' twisted Uncle or Godfather...

[ShortRoundChief]

Originally Posted by Rausch

I'm six shades of twisted, I just don't feel any urge to be a parent.

But I'd make one helluva' twisted Uncle or Godfather...

[Slayer Diablo]

Originally Posted by lardass

I think thats a really optimistic way to look at it...

I can only say I personally am not interested in motivating somebody to get up every morning and get a job, then pushing that person to go to that job every day. That doesnt interest me at all and I suspect it doesnt interest most people. The other problem with that, is this mentality carries over into other areas of that person's life. For whatever reason if a person is unwilling to work and earn a living on their own, they arent going to handle a lot of the other necessary business in their life. Talk about baggage...

Sure there always exceptions, but I would prefer to stick with the example available to us and for that matter what most people in that situation typically manage to do. Hopefully by the time a person is ready to consider marriage or even a serious relationship, they have come to terms with the fact that they cannot sit on their ass all day and mooch off of their parents.

Oh, if we're going to stick to talking about the specified relationship, then I'll tell you right now that there's a 78% chance that they won't even be going out once the two years is up...granted that they actually get together very often; otherwise, that would be reduced to a 49% chance, and even then I'm being optimistic for III's sake. I was just saying that conditions before marriage don't normally mean anything and that people should start their marriage at rock bottom more often.

[unlurking]

Originally Posted by Chico Diablo

There's one common reason and it happens to the vast majority of marriages today: infatuation. It's the one thing that causes all failed marriages. We all know how it starts out...two people date for a while, think they really know each other and what it would be like to live together for so long, but they still don't have that special connection. They're still attracted to other people, they find out things about one anothers' "past life" that scare the living $3it outta them, and other signs of the foolish relationship.

Gotta disagree with you on this one.

I have never met anyone in a long term relationship who hasn't "met someone".

The one thing that gets me, is all the people that think that if you are truly in love with someone you can't have strong feelings for anyone else. That's bullshit. It's the strength to resist that temptation, because EVERYONE goes through it. It's when someone realizes that there current family is more important than banging the flavor of the week.

The real problem is appreciating what you have. You will ALWAYS be attracted to other people, that's human nature.

[ShortRoundChief]

Originally Posted by Rausch

I'm six shades of twisted, I just don't feel any urge to be a parent.

But I'd make one helluva' twisted Uncle or Godfather...

Man, I got 4 kids. Each one adding to the dementia. However, now I know who to pm if I need someone to wake up with a horse head in their bed.

[unlurking]

Originally Posted by Rausch

Exactly.

And to be frank, stress isn't origninal. Everyone has to pay bills, suffer the death of friends and family, temptation to cheat, and odds are at least one twisted parent.

The only difference is how extreme each catagory is...

Yep, the strength is in realizing that everything in life worth having must be worked for, including relationships. There is no fairy tail ending (although the more you appreciate what you have, the easier the job).

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by J Diddy

Man, I got 4 kids. Each one adding to the dementia. However, now I know who to pm if I need someone to wake up with a horse head in their bed.

Oh, I'm not that kind of twisted.

My g/f has 4 kids, and when they lived here it was friggen bootcamp for 'em.

They weren't bad kids by any means, but they definitley took advantage of the fact that mom was single and working a lot.

The boy was her youngest, and the other 3 were girls, so arse whoop'ns were out of the equation. I might be off center, but I'm not hitting a pre-teen girl.

So there was "corner time."

Face in the corner, raise your arms the whole time. Your elbows drop below your shoulders it's another 5 minutes. Each time you have to go in the corner it's 5 minutes more than the last time.

[Slayer Diablo]

Originally Posted by lardass

Most relationships that fail were originally based on infatuation and lust whereas solid relationships are dependant on something beyond liking your partner. That is certainly the basis of understanding why relationships fail, people do not have realistic understandings and expectations about what they are getting into and who they are getting into it with. Some people even have trouble understanding who they are and what they are all about, let alone someone else. All of these things contribute to failures in relationships. It takes a pair of really honest people to do it right, it's perfectly understandable to see why these things fail.

You're being too lenient on your definitions and contexts.... ALL relationships that fail were originally based on infatuation and lust. Solid relationships are those that go into completely healthy marriages and are founded on love. I'm not talking about the little teeny-bopper definition of love, I'm talking about the real concept. Now, I'll admit that a lot of people find my definition too strong, but I never really understood how the strongest feeling can have a definition any weaker than what I give it. Basically, my definition splits everything up into what I call the laws of love: 1) you're not attracted to anyone but the person you're in love with--that covers both mentally and physically. 2) you would go through an eternity of torment just to see the person you love for a split-second. 3) you would do absolutely anything for that person without asking or wanting anything in return--a.k.a. "love has no conditions". 4) you would go through the worst pain imaginable for a trillion years just to know for one second that the one you love is okay. /// There's still a lot that I'm leaving out, but those are the four that I can state without creating an essay.

[badgirl]

Originally Posted by lardass

Most relationships that fail were originally based on infatuation and lust whereas solid relationships are dependant on something beyond liking your partner. That is certainly the basis of understanding why relationships fail, people do not have realistic understandings and expectations about what they are getting into and who they are getting into it with. Some people even have trouble understanding who they are and what they are all about, let alone someone else. All of these things contribute to failures in relationships. It takes a pair of really honest people to do it right, it's perfectly understandable to see why these things fail.

I agree, I got married when I was 18 and we both grew up and we were different people than when we got married, I was married 13 years and the last few years I was unhappy and so was he (i think)
Put marriage off till you are grown and see who YOU are before bringing someone else into the picture.