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Old 07-31-2014, 09:33 PM  
Pasta Little Brioni Pasta Little Brioni is online now
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The Top 101 CP Posters of 2014 Part 2 Presented by SNR

The countdown and butt hurt continues as SNR, the unnamed listmaker, and I are on a mission to finish this thing.

Original thread (101-58).... http://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthrea...osters+of+2014

57-34... http://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showpost....30&postcount=3

33-21... http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...31&postcount=4

20-13... http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...0&postcount=13

12. Dane McCloud
Spoiler!


11. Pestilence
Spoiler!


10. htismaqe
Spoiler!


9. Rausch
Spoiler!


8. Bowser
Spoiler!


7. Simply Red
Spoiler!


6. milkman
Spoiler!


5. Mr. Flopnuts
Spoiler!


4. SNR
Spoiler!


3. 'Hamas' Jenkins
Spoiler!


2. Rain Man
Spoiler!

Last edited by Bearcat; 12-27-2014 at 10:05 PM..
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Pasta Little Brioni is obviously part of the inner Circle.Pasta Little Brioni is obviously part of the inner Circle.Pasta Little Brioni is obviously part of the inner Circle.Pasta Little Brioni is obviously part of the inner Circle.Pasta Little Brioni is obviously part of the inner Circle.Pasta Little Brioni is obviously part of the inner Circle.Pasta Little Brioni is obviously part of the inner Circle.Pasta Little Brioni is obviously part of the inner Circle.Pasta Little Brioni is obviously part of the inner Circle.Pasta Little Brioni is obviously part of the inner Circle.Pasta Little Brioni is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 12-06-2014, 10:48 AM   #1696
Mr. Flopnuts Mr. Flopnuts is offline
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Dude...****ing catheters.

It wasn't until nursing school that I fully realized how much the human penis varies in appearance. The worst penis I've ever seen belonged to a dude in his 90's. He was bedridden, couldn't speak, couldn't turn over, couldn't feed himself, and his penis resembled an uncooked bratwurst in which the tip had busted open and the meaty shit inside the bratwurst was all seeping out about an inch and a half down the bratwurst shaft and became all scabby looking due to being exposed to the air. The reason this guy's penis looked this way was because a freaking catheter was inserted into his penis so freaking often. Not to mention, I think the dude had a tendency to pull and tug on it, which caused a shitload of penile irritation. And one day at during nursing school, I had to insert a catheter into this guy's penis. Holy shit, did this look like a painful task (for him).

And to top things off. I knew this ****ing guy. And I hated his freaking guts. I hadn't seen him in 25 years, but my God I knew it was him, for I recognized that stupid face of his and remembered his name like the back of my freaking hand that I still wanted to smack his stupid face with. He was the grandfather of this kid who lived down the street from me in the neighborhood I grew up in until I was 7 years old. This guy used to pick on me when I was 5-7 years old. And I'm not talking playful teasing... this guy was freaking mean to me. And I didn't understand why I was being made fun of for I am the oldest child and never had to deal with an older sibling teasing me...I wasn't on the receiving end of that shit, so I didn't know how to react to being made fun of...and even if I did, this guy still pushed it to the level of being a dickbag.

I'd venture to my friend's house and if he'd be there, he'd be like, "hey look who it is, it's stupid!" I'd be like, "my name isn't stupid, my name is rico!!!" And he'd be like, "then why you wearing that stupid hat, stupid!!!" I'd be like, "this hat isn't stupid! My mom said this hat makes me look cute! It's not stupid!!!" The hat he referred to was this adjustable yellow John Deere hat with that foamy padding in the front. Old school farmer's hat. I loved that freaking thing...and I didn't know how to wear it correctly. I always adjusted it to where it was wayyy too big for my head...covering my ears and all. But hell, I was a 5 year old boy, for Pete's sake. I didn't need some 65 year old bag of ball gravy repeatedly calling me stupid and making fun of the hat I was wearing.

And he didn't stop there. Sometimes he would walk up to me and knock my hat off my head. Sometimes he would take it and throw it. Sometimes he would take it off my head and not let me have it back...and wouldn't give it back for like 20 minutes... and I'd be jumping up and down trying to take it back from him...all while he is telling me that I look stupid, jumping around like a little dumbass.

He pulled other shit too. This asshole, on a routine basis would tell me that he either killed my pet cats/dogs or was planning on killing my pet cats/dogs...which would devastate me. Then he would call me stupid for giving a shit about my pets.

At age 5-7, I was bullied by a guy in his freaking 60's. What a low-life douchebag this man was.

I would always come home crying after encountering him. If my mom was home, she'd be all non-chaulant and be like, "oh just ignore him. He's just teasing you." My dad was/is pretty crazy, especially when it comes to his kids...just a fearless dude...wrestling coach. Anyways, at that time, he wasn't home much for he was working two full time jobs...one in the day and one in the evening...so I didn't see him much until I was 8. When I got a chance to tell him though, he would stroll right on over to their house and probably strike fear into the dude's old balls...

But the ****er still kept bullying me. We ended up moving out of that neighborhood and into the country and on a horse/hay farm. A large part of what sparked this idea was some of the douche-canoes like him who resided in our old neighborhood.

So 25 years pass and I never saw this guy again until I was in nursing school and had to insert a catheter into his rough, busted bratwurst-looking penis. I'll remember putting a catheter in him as clear as day...and always will. His penis looked awful and I knew that no matter how "out of it" he was, putting a catheter in his dried up ground-beefy penis would hurt like a sonofabitch. The empathetic side of me probably would have felt bad for him, but due to the circumstances, the empathetic side of me momentarily ceased to exist while I was preparing and in the process of inserting his catheter. I followed the clinical steps to a tee and throughout entirety of the catheter insertion process, this old bag of shit yelped and wailed. He sounded like a raspy wolf that had just been hit by a truck and was twitching and quivering while laying at the side of the road, attempting to howl at the moon. Just pathetic.

Should I feel ashamed to admit this? While this old, immobile shitbag was in a penile-pain induced stupor, howling at the moon, I coaxed him through it by saying, "it's ok, you're doing great. Just a bit more and we're done. Hang in there, buddy!" However, what I was thinking went more like, "yeah, keep howling at the moon, ****face. Who is stupid now, you busted bratwurst-penised, bullying 5 year olds, pathetic piece of shit!?!? Squeal like a pig while you are at it and stay the **** down you stupid bitch!!!"

With that said, the worst looking penis I've ever seen happened to be the recipient of the only catheter I ever actually enjoyed inserting.

**** that douchebag.


No other reply seems necessary.
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Old 12-06-2014, 10:48 AM   #1697
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rico View Post
Dude...****ing catheters.

It wasn't until nursing school that I fully realized how much the human penis varies in appearance. The worst penis I've ever seen belonged to a dude in his 90's. He was bedridden, couldn't speak, couldn't turn over, couldn't feed himself, and his penis resembled an uncooked bratwurst in which the tip had busted open and the meaty shit inside the bratwurst was all seeping out about an inch and a half down the bratwurst shaft and became all scabby looking due to being exposed to the air. The reason this guy's penis looked this way was because a freaking catheter was inserted into his penis so freaking often. Not to mention, I think the dude had a tendency to pull and tug on it, which caused a shitload of penile irritation. And one day at during nursing school, I had to insert a catheter into this guy's penis. Holy shit, did this look like a painful task (for him).

And to top things off. I knew this ****ing guy. And I hated his freaking guts. I hadn't seen him in 25 years, but my God I knew it was him, for I recognized that stupid face of his and remembered his name like the back of my freaking hand that I still wanted to smack his stupid face with. He was the grandfather of this kid who lived down the street from me in the neighborhood I grew up in until I was 7 years old. This guy used to pick on me when I was 5-7 years old. And I'm not talking playful teasing... this guy was freaking mean to me. And I didn't understand why I was being made fun of for I am the oldest child and never had to deal with an older sibling teasing me...I wasn't on the receiving end of that shit, so I didn't know how to react to being made fun of...and even if I did, this guy still pushed it to the level of being a dickbag.

I'd venture to my friend's house and if he'd be there, he'd be like, "hey look who it is, it's stupid!" I'd be like, "my name isn't stupid, my name is rico!!!" And he'd be like, "then why you wearing that stupid hat, stupid!!!" I'd be like, "this hat isn't stupid! My mom said this hat makes me look cute! It's not stupid!!!" The hat he referred to was this adjustable yellow John Deere hat with that foamy padding in the front. Old school farmer's hat. I loved that freaking thing...and I didn't know how to wear it correctly. I always adjusted it to where it was wayyy too big for my head...covering my ears and all. But hell, I was a 5 year old boy, for Pete's sake. I didn't need some 65 year old bag of ball gravy repeatedly calling me stupid and making fun of the hat I was wearing.

And he didn't stop there. Sometimes he would walk up to me and knock my hat off my head. Sometimes he would take it and throw it. Sometimes he would take it off my head and not let me have it back...and wouldn't give it back for like 20 minutes... and I'd be jumping up and down trying to take it back from him...all while he is telling me that I look stupid, jumping around like a little dumbass.

He pulled other shit too. This asshole, on a routine basis would tell me that he either killed my pet cats/dogs or was planning on killing my pet cats/dogs...which would devastate me. Then he would call me stupid for giving a shit about my pets.

At age 5-7, I was bullied by a guy in his freaking 60's. What a low-life douchebag this man was.

I would always come home crying after encountering him. If my mom was home, she'd be all non-chaulant and be like, "oh just ignore him. He's just teasing you." My dad was/is pretty crazy, especially when it comes to his kids...just a fearless dude...wrestling coach. Anyways, at that time, he wasn't home much for he was working two full time jobs...one in the day and one in the evening...so I didn't see him much until I was 8. When I got a chance to tell him though, he would stroll right on over to their house and probably strike fear into the dude's old balls...

But the ****er still kept bullying me. We ended up moving out of that neighborhood and into the country and on a horse/hay farm. A large part of what sparked this idea was some of the douche-canoes like him who resided in our old neighborhood.

So 25 years pass and I never saw this guy again until I was in nursing school and had to insert a catheter into his rough, busted bratwurst-looking penis. I'll remember putting a catheter in him as clear as day...and always will. His penis looked awful and I knew that no matter how "out of it" he was, putting a catheter in his dried up ground-beefy penis would hurt like a sonofabitch. The empathetic side of me probably would have felt bad for him, but due to the circumstances, the empathetic side of me momentarily ceased to exist while I was preparing and in the process of inserting his catheter. I followed the clinical steps to a tee and throughout entirety of the catheter insertion process, this old bag of shit yelped and wailed. He sounded like a raspy wolf that had just been hit by a truck and was twitching and quivering while laying at the side of the road, attempting to howl at the moon. Just pathetic.

Should I feel ashamed to admit this? While this old, immobile shitbag was in a penile-pain induced stupor, howling at the moon, I coaxed him through it by saying, "it's ok, you're doing great. Just a bit more and we're done. Hang in there, buddy!" However, what I was thinking went more like, "yeah, keep howling at the moon, ****face. Who is stupid now, you busted bratwurst-penised, bullying 5 year olds, pathetic piece of shit!?!? Squeal like a pig while you are at it and stay the **** down you stupid bitch!!!"

With that said, the worst looking penis I've ever seen happened to be the recipient of the only catheter I ever actually enjoyed inserting.

**** that douchebag.

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Old 12-06-2014, 10:51 AM   #1698
Mr. Flopnuts Mr. Flopnuts is offline
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That was a great story.
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Old 12-06-2014, 10:51 AM   #1699
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I relapsed...I hadn't gone FULL tl;dr in a while. Sorry to offend.
Did you lean in and whisper, Tony Soprano style, that you were going to tear his mother****ing brat up?
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Old 12-06-2014, 10:51 AM   #1700
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God dammit rico.
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Old 12-06-2014, 10:59 AM   #1701
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11. Pestilence

Mrs. Pestilence?

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Old 12-06-2014, 10:59 AM   #1702
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Don't touch ricos hat or he will painfully touch your penis

Duly noted
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Old 12-06-2014, 11:02 AM   #1703
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Don't touch ricos hat or he will painfully touch your penis

Duly noted
I will filet your situation!!

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Old 12-06-2014, 11:26 AM   #1704
rico rico is offline
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Did you lean in and whisper, Tony Soprano style, that you were going to tear his mother****ing brat up?
I wish I would have thought of that.
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Old 12-06-2014, 11:27 AM   #1705
rico rico is offline
ON CP YOU’RE SOMEBODY’S BITCH!
 
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Don't touch ricos hat or he will painfully touch your penis

Duly noted
That may be going to my sig.
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Look, I dress like a 50 year old lesbian.

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Old 12-06-2014, 11:27 AM   #1706
rico rico is offline
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God dammit rico.
I am sorry, Jason.
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Old 12-06-2014, 12:14 PM   #1707
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... And I didn't understand why I was being made fun of ...
1.) Dude, you got made fun of because you were a 5 year old with jacked up teeth and a mullet.

2.) Were you around to meet an ill-fated poster on here named "badgirl"? If not, please look into some of her posts and resulting epic pile-ons.
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Old 12-06-2014, 01:17 PM   #1708
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I will filet your situation!!

Did he hit both of them?
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Old 12-06-2014, 02:45 PM   #1709
RealSNR RealSNR is offline
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10. htismaqe



Parker (because I'll be ****ed if I'm going to type out that combination of letters that looks like kcnut threw up on his keyboard every time I want to mention this turd by name) doesn't deserve to be up here at all, but for some bizarre reason I really like him, so he gets a top 10 spot. Because of seniority, or whatever.

He's just so ****ing busy! Great, Parker. You're busy, we get it. It's not like everybody else has all the ****ing time in the world. I've got a job, too. Shit, it's the last weeks of class and I have papers and finals to grade. I have research obligations. I could be doing that right now, but because I'm an adult I know how to balance home, work, and Planet life like a responsible individual. I don't just go own extended leaves of absence because "really busy at my job!"

His incredible service to the forum deserves applause in some respects. Former mod. Former CP mock draft participant. Veteran of some of Chiefs Planet's (and the Star forum's) most heated and contentious battles. We say "former" in all of these cases, though. Because why? Because he was busy!

At least he took an honest shot as Roastmaster. Think of all those roasts he had to go through. 101. Can you imagine?

He clearly couldn't. Know why? Because he quit like he always ****ing does. Sheesh, dude. PGM had more motivation to do his ****ing job than you did. I know the roasts aren't very juicy at the top (I know because I've ****ing been there) but that's what separates the divisional playoff loss Marty teams from the 7-9 sad stinky disappointments. And let me tell you, brother- Carlton Gray and Chester McGlockton are NOT going to put you over the top in this one.

Parker, I wanted you to come back. The door was always open. We could have been a team. We would have been unstoppable. But you are still really busy, or some shit. Fine. Whatever. I'm good with being the King of Roasts. Maybe when you're not busy and go on splurges of 500 posts per day for 2-month stretches you can have a nice long talk with Hootie about who has more willpower to finish complicated tasks. And at least Hootie has an excuse-- he got banned.

In the meantime, I AM busy, but I still got you your roast that you deserved. Oh, and when you see your boy Carl over the holidays and give him a big wet kiss, tell him to go **** himself from me.
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Old 12-06-2014, 02:46 PM   #1710
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is online now
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Tarrant County, Texas and Johnson County, Texas.
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