For those with children: Do you think you’re a better parent than your parents were?

[ThaVirus]

Discuss

[trndobrd]

My kids are too young (teens) to know how they will turn out…but so far so good.

To say I am a “better parent” would be an unfair comparison given the vastly different circumstances of having kids at 19 vs late 30’s. I was more deliberate about getting established, getting married, then having kids. My parents went in the reverse order. But….they stayed married, emphasized good grades (college was never considered growing up), hard work, and we always had a roof over our heads. My Mom graduated HS, my Dad did not, but both were voracious readers, mostly westerns and romance novels…the example of seeing my parents reading all the time stuck with me.

I set better conditions for my kids (graduate degree, career, married 4 years before kids etc.) and more experience in life than my parents. But I cannot say I would have done better if I had their starting hand.

[ChiefsFan63]

Originally Posted by loochy

It has definitely declined. As their mental capacity has waned greatly, it's really hard to have conversations with them because they no longer understand most of what I talk about. My mom can follow basic normal stuff, like talking about grandson and whatnot, but she can't follow along with complex things like me talking about what I do for work or political discussion or stocks and finances. My dad is very far gone and he remembers pretty much nothing from my childhood and can really only speak in sweeping generalities most of the time. It's like I've already lost my parents even though they are still here.

That's rough man. My prayers go out to you and your family. I see mental decline in both my mom and step dad, but nothing to the extent you are going through. Stay strong my friend.

[Buehler445]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

I'll openly concede that I'm needlessly dogmatic here, but I'll never understand the "lets get married at the courthouse" folks.

It's important. ACT like it.

I've never known a couple to do the half-assed marriage thing where "Oh we're gonna just get the certificate signed and have a party later" where the marriage lasted. Now I don't know 50 people like that, but I think I know 5 or 6 and all of those folks got divorced within 5 years. And yes, I know that it's not universal, but I absolutely think the 'success rate' on those marriages is significantly lower.

Meanwhile myself and most of my friends got married fairly young; all by age 25. And all of us did the full marriage ceremony and what not. And all of us are still married, most of us over a decade later (I'm at 20 next summer).

I just think a lot of folks are strangely glib about what SHOULD be the most important decision you'll ever make in your life.

Then again, I'll spend months researching breeders before I'll so much as buy a dog. So there's probably an acceptable middle ground to be found.

But man, if it's that important, treat it as such.

I agree mostly. And I used to be this dude. I used to be this dude HARD.

Wife is catholic so I didn’t have much of a choice in the wedding stuff. However, I was in a fraternity in college and it was apparent in the membership who took it seriously and who did not. Accordingly, I’d dress up for meetings and I was really big on whatever you’re doing, pay it the respect it deserves. I pretty much lived it. Studies, relationship, all of it.

I came back to the farm and am dirty all the time, so that perspective has shifted a bit.

I think as young people, doing the ritual things forces you to put the requisite attention on the important things in life. I think as you mature and develop your identity those ritualistic things that may have been a crutch before are needed less.

At least that’s how I view it.

My wife and I are rarely ritualistic with our relationship these days, we don’t make a big deal about anniversaries or birthdays or whatever milestones. But we love each other very deeply and I think we have a pretty healthy relationship. I think if we entered our relationship this way while we were young, dumb and immature it would look different.

But that’s us. Maybe we’re just weird.

[Al Bundy]

1000 times better than my piece of shit dad, but not as good as my mom.

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by Buehler445

My wife and I are rarely ritualistic with our relationship these days, we don’t make a big deal about anniversaries or birthdays or whatever milestones. But we love each other very deeply and I think we have a pretty healthy relationship. I think if we entered our relationship this way while we were young, dumb and immature it would look different.

But that’s us. Maybe we’re just weird.

I met my wife on Friday the 13th. Got married on Friday the 13th. We hugged each other 13 times this last Friday the 13th 2 days ago.

[Rasputin]

I wasn't a better parent than my parents, but my kids turned out to be better adults than me. I am very proud of them for becoming who they are.

[Monticore]

My parents divorced when I was 13 and my mom moved to the Dominican Republic for 9 years saw her maybe twice during that time and my dad worked out of town 7-8 months out of the year , my wife and I have been married for 20 together for 28 (like DJ I do my research)

I think by just being there for my kids going to there activities, never missed one where I was available or wasn’t with the other kid etc.. being firm but not a dictator and just being a good example of a decent person. I never drank /treated another person poorly in front of my kids , they turned out pretty well and get nothing but rave reviews from teachers/coaches/strangers .

My kids turning out well might not be related to anything my wife and I did because even though I turned out well having a drunk mostly absent dad and a bipolar mom who ran away from her life to bang poor black dudes I think my kids will have at least appreciated the effort.

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by Rasputin

I wasn't a better parent than my parents, but my kids turned out to be better adults than me. I am very proud of them for becoming who they are.

Same here. My son is 32. He's in Manhattan pursing his dream. No idea what he is making but he did share last week that him and the finance just signed a $6500 a month lease for an apt. in Manhattan.

[Bearcat]

Originally Posted by BigRedChief

Same here. My son is 32. He's in Manhattan pursing his dream. No idea what he is making but he did share last week that him and the finance just signed a $6500 a month lease for an apt. in Manhattan.

Random Sunday morning thoughts.... the cost of living adjustment is so insane, it must be hard for people who live there to wrap their head around getting a job elsewhere.... for example, a cost of living calculator says a $100k job in KC would pay $250k in Manhattan. It uses a baseline of $1500k to rent a place in KC and $5500k in Manhattan.

So, say you're making a quarter of a million dollars a year in Manhattan and for whatever reason want to move to basically anywhere else that isn't nearly as insane... and you find a job and they offer you roughly $100k. You're technically taking a massive pay cut, yet it wouldn't really impact your day to day since your rent is now 4 times less among other things.

Or the other way around... you're making $90k somewhere and then get offered a similar job in Manhattan making $250k, and you're like holy ****ing shit I'm rich!!! ...and then realize the entirety of that pay raise goes towards rent (of course, living in Manhattan would be pretty sweet).

I dealt with that to some degree from KC to AZ, where the cost of my first house in KC would probably buy me a storage shed in AZ... but, that's still a far cry from NYC.

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by Bearcat

Or the other way around... you're making $90k somewhere and then get offered a similar job in Manhattan making $250k, and you're like holy ****ing shit I'm rich!!! ...and then realize the entirety of that pay raise goes towards rent (of course, living in Manhattan would be pretty sweet).

I was offered a job with Chase. The nature of the job was that I had to live in Manhattan. They offered $100K a year more than I've ever been offered. We were ecstatic.

But, once we started doing the math, not just the cost of rent but groceries, taking uber or riding the subway. It became clear it was about the same salary I was receiving in KC. Since we'd had a kid in High School, we didn't want him to change schools and state without a significant bump in pay. College tuition was just around the corner too.

[Okchief80]

Originally Posted by Al Bundy

1000 times better than my piece of shit dad, but not as good as my mom.

Same here. My mom was great but my dad was a worthless drunk. They got divorced when I was 8. He sobered up by the time it didn’t matter. My mom did her best and I think we turned out ok but we had no safety net. If we failed, we were done. I had no help financially with anything.

I have definitely spoiled my kids a little but they are straight A students and I am there for all of my kids activities. We will see how my kids turn out. They definitely have a leg up on me that I will be able to assist with college if they go. My kids have had it much easier due to me not being an alcoholic.

[Bearcat]

Originally Posted by BigRedChief

I was offered a job with Chase. The nature of the job was that I had to live in Manhattan. They offered $100K a year more than I've ever been offered. We were ecstatic.

But, once we started doing the math, not just the cost of rent but groceries, taking uber or riding the subway. It became clear it was about the same salary I was receiving in KC. Since we'd had a kid in High School, we didn't want him to change schools and state without a significant bump in pay. College tuition was just around the corner too.

Yeah, similar here... 25% raise to move to San Diego, but all of that would have gone to housing, and even then probably living on the outskirts and driving 45+ minutes one way to work..... much less property tax and gas. Just wasn't worth it.

[seclark]

One of my twins and his best friend that I feel is another one of my sons have taken two days the following two weekends to build me a ramp in the garage for me.
Also they have cleaned out my shed so I’m able to park my truck over there.

So the wife will park in the garage and I will park in the shed.
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[UteChief]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I won't bother people with my family traumas, but I'll share something that I alway found kind of sad and funny.

My father was always vaguely aware of a smallish person in his house, but never wanted anything to do with me. We're very different people to boot, so we never had any type of bonding experience. Then about a year before I moved away to start my life, he suddenly realized that I was leaving and got sentimental. My mother had always purchased the Christmas gifts in the family, but he suddenly decided that he wanted to be part of it. However, he didn't know me very well and he didn't know how to buy gifts, so he went to that engraving store that used to be in every mall ("Things Remembered"). During various holidays in my final year in the house, he gave me a signet ring with my initial on it, and a money clip with my initials engraved on it, and something else with my initials on it (maybe cuff links or something, but I feel like it was something else).

None of these were things that I would use, and I could tell that he had no idea what to do. It was kind of funny that he always gave me something engraved, and it was never something I would really use. I appreciated his effort, but the truth is that it merely reinforced the fact that he had had no interest in me for my entire childhood, and was suddenly recognizing that and trying to fix it far too late. The gifts mostly made me feel sorry for him.

At least he eventually tried. I got cash or forgotten.

[Bearcat]

Originally Posted by UteChief

At least he eventually tried. I got cash or forgotten.

That was my family if I didn't send a specific list of things with links/buying options... my parents would ask for a Christmas list well into my 20s/30s and then later resorted to Amazon gift cards.

I always found it strange, too, since especially my dad and I shared sports interests (who I'd say knew us kids better than our mom)... how hard is it to buy some Chiefs/KU/Royals gear or related gifts, tickets, etc.