This Week's Important Florida News!

[gblowfish]

Two Boffo Stories:

Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.

Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.

Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!

Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.

Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.

The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.

On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.

According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."

The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.

Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.

http://www.manateesheriff.com/Public...px?ID=10125392

Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.

Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.

The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"

She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.

Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant.

[MahiMike]

Originally Posted by scho63

Hosted By The Florida Couple Who Were Arrested For Having Sex In The Back Of A Police Car

https://dlisted.com/2019/09/17/open-...-a-police-car/

Florida, America’s horniest state, has once again blessed us with a sticky, gooey MESS. Somebody needs to send a mage with a freshly sharpened quill down to the citadel to pull out the dusty tome called “The Book Of Horny Legends” because it needs to be updated. A Nassau County couple, Megan Lynn Mondanaro, 35, and Seth Aaron Thomas, 31, were arrested and charged with multiple crimes after they allegedly took an all expenses paid trip to The Bone Zone in the back of a patrol car after having failed field sobriety tests for biking while drunk and horny. The focus! The determination! The gall, and the nerve! Megan and Seth, we salute you!


According to People Magazine, Megan and Seth were out for a romantic late night bicycle ride when they seized their opportunity by the loins.

It was nearing midnight when a deputy from Nassau County Sheriff’s Office stopped Megan Lynn Mondanaro, 35, and Seth Aaron Thomas, 31, as they were riding their bicycles along a street in Fernandina Beach.

The report indicates neither bike had lights and that a motorist nearly struck the pair.

The deputy who stopped them said they smelled of alcohol and slurred their speech. The report claims their eyes were both bloodshot and watery. Bloodshot and watery, two of the sexitest words in the English language. Keep talking!

Field sobriety tests followed and were allegedly failed, so the policeman put Mondanaro and Thomas in the back of his patrol car.

The deputy details that he was still outside of his vehicle when Mondanaro and Thomas allegedly disrobed and started having sexual intercourse. The deputy said he opened the door to tell them to stop and noticed Thomas was completely naked and Mondanaro’s pants were down and her breasts exposed.

Completely naked, you guys. My man Seth simply can’t stand to have a stitch betwixt his flesh, and that of his lover. Lesser horn dogs might have kept their t-shirt on, but I guess nipples meeting nipples in the back of a 2011 Impala is a thrill too rare to pass up.

The report claims that Thomas was removed from the vehicle, and pushed another deputy to the ground before fleeing, sparking a brief foot chase.

Did he get his clothes back on first, or was his engorged love saber slapping out a beat so sensual, it caused spontaneous nocturnal emissions to erupt in every house within a 5-mile radius? Of course, no great sacrifice to the mighty god Libitum comes without consequence. And sadly for Megan and Seth, they got slapped with a little more than a UTI and a wet spot.

Mondanaro was charged with DUI, exposing sex organs, unnatural and lascivious act and resisting without violence.

Thomas was charged with threat against a public official, unnatural and lascivious act, exposing sex organs and DUI.

The good Libitus didn’t give us sexual organs, only to have us hide them under a bushel! And there’s nothing “unnatural” about two consenting horny drunken bicyclists getting it on the way Libitus intended: On easy-to-clean-up pleather seats! The injustice is maddening! #Justice4HornDogs

Pic: Nassau County Sheriff

Having lived in Fernandina for a couple years, I'm coming to this couple's defense.

First, they were RIDING THEIR BIKES! They weren't driving under the influence. They were doing the right thing.

Secondly, who of us hasn't been both horny and drunk at the same time? What's the harm here?

Third, Fernandina is for lovers. It's well known.

Party on folks!

[Msmith]

Polyamorous woman, 20, has fallen pregnant by one of her FOUR partners after they went away together

"A polyamorous woman has fallen pregnant by one of her four partners after they went away together - but says they will raise the baby as a 'family'.Tory Ojeda, 20, from Jacksonville, Florida, met one of her partners Marc, 18, in high school and then started a relationship with Travis, 23, two months later.

Their love story began three years ago and she has since announced her engagement to Travis in July. She also found love with their long-term mutual friends Ethan, 22, and Christopher, 22. While seven months ago, Tory and Chris found out that they were pregnant with a baby girl.

Despite being in an open relationship, Tory is currently the only one who has multiple romantic partners. However she says that her boyfriends are 'welcome' to pursue other people if they wish to - she even encourages the idea. Tory said: 'Honestly, I would love it if somebody found a second partner..."

Link:https://www.dailycelebuk.com/Lifesty...-together.html

[burt]

Originally Posted by Msmith

[b]However she says that her boyfriends are 'welcome' to pursue other people if they wish to - she even encourages the idea. Tory said: 'Honestly, I would love it if somebody found a second partner..."

She's just soooo tired.....

[Al Bundy]

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news...gator-n1101061Dec. 12, 2019, 3:54 PM CST
By David K. Li
A Florida man, found eaten by an alligator this summer, died from a meth overdose before his body was ripped apart by the reptile, according to a medical examiner's findings.

Michael Ford, 45, was found face down in a canal in Fort Meade on June 27 and Polk County Sheriff's investigators theorized he might have drowned before an alligator began eating the man's remains.

A hand and a foot belonging to Ford was found in the beast's stomach.

"It is my opinion that Michael Glenn Ford II died as a result of a methamphetamine intoxication," District Medical Examiner Stephen Nelson wrote in an autopsy report obtained by NBC News on Thursday. "The manner of death is accident."

The report took note of the "traumatic" amputations Ford's body had suffered at his left forearm and right foot. Nelson found that those injuries were likely postmortem.

"The decedent's injuries and amputations lack sufficient associated blood to suggest they were made while alive," according to Nelson's report.


Ford was nude when he was discovered, but his clothes were not found at his nearby car or at the scene, officials said.

Friends and family of Ford told investigators they hadn't seen him since June 23, authorities said.

[Mike in SW-MO]

Originally Posted by Msmith

Polyamorous woman, 20, has fallen pregnant by one of her FOUR partners after they went away together

"A polyamorous woman has fallen pregnant by one of her four partners after they went away together - but says they will raise the baby as a 'family'.Tory Ojeda, 20, from Jacksonville, Florida, met one of her partners Marc, 18, in high school and then started a relationship with Travis, 23, two months later.

Their love story began three years ago and she has since announced her engagement to Travis in July. She also found love with their long-term mutual friends Ethan, 22, and Christopher, 22. While seven months ago, Tory and Chris found out that they were pregnant with a baby girl.

Despite being in an open relationship, Tory is currently the only one who has multiple romantic partners. However she says that her boyfriends are 'welcome' to pursue other people if they wish to - she even encourages the idea. Tory said: 'Honestly, I would love it if somebody found a second partner..."

Link:https://www.dailycelebuk.com/Lifesty...-together.html

[gblowfish]

The Florida News thread is one of my all time favorite CP threads. Here's a 2019 Florida News in Review link:

https://www.gainesville.com/news/201...-9t1LsMw0xRCZI

[KS Smitty]

BRADENTON, Fla. – Florida police are warning residents to be on the lookout for a criminal who has a thing for toes. Actually, more to the point: Sucking on said toes.
A Bradenton man sound asleep in the early morning hours on Dec. 24 awoke to find a stranger man sucking on his toes.
According to the police report, the man’s toes were in the stranger’s mouth when he was awakened from his slumber.
When asked by the victim what the man was doing, the stranger replied that “he was there to suck toes.”
The victim immediately began throwing punches at the stranger in an attempt to remove the man from the home. During the melee, the toe-sucking suspect claimed to have a gun and tried to fondle the victim’s “genital area," according to The Smoking Gun.
The suspect fled the area after being pummeled by the victim, but not before he punched out the man’s front window and broke the windshield of his car after climbing atop the vehicle.

Police say the suspect was a bald male between the ages of 20 and 25 and stood about 5′ 11″ and weighed 160 pounds. If apprehended, the man will be charged with felony mischief.

http://https://www.local10.com/preview/M7YE5K4SDZHOPEWB3K5FU5AK44/?__vfz=medium%3Dsharebar&fbclid=IwAR21jtVnUnk2QFyxyggnnihFI854lzy6YpuppBK4BJgn6DSzuDWdxmOl4-o

[TambaBerry]

I feel like a swift kick to the face would have knocked him out

[scho63]

Originally Posted by KS Smitty

BRADENTON, Fla. – Florida police are warning residents to be on the lookout for a criminal who has a thing for toes. Actually, more to the point: Sucking on said toes.
A Bradenton man sound asleep in the early morning hours on Dec. 24 awoke to find a stranger man sucking on his toes.

We finally fond out where eDave has been hiding!

[displacedinMN]

Only in Florida.

Jan 21 - This isn't something we usually forecast, but don't be surprised if you see Iguanas falling from the trees tonight as lows drop into the 30s and 40s. Brrrr! #flwx #miami pic.twitter.com/rsbzNMgO01

— NWS Miami (@NWSMiami) January 21, 2020

And I would like to add BRRR. JFC. Shorts weather.

[KChiefs1]

Great weather!

[eDave]

We brought in 13 machines that basically kill every virus in the place," Howard-Browne said. "If they sneeze it shoots it down like at 100 miles per hour and it will neutralize it in a split second."

https://www.fox13news.com/news/tampa...tancing-orders

UPDATE:

Tampa megachurch pastor arrested after leading packed services despite 'safer-at-home' orders

https://www.fox13news.com/news/tampa...at-home-orders

[SuperBowl4]

TRUNEWS is still broadcasting from tier homes

[displacedinMN]

Trending on Twitter

#floridamorons

A little redundant ....

https://twitter.com/search?q=%23Flor...d_click&f=live

[BigRedChief]

How did this not happen in Florida?

After briefly getting away from the alligator, the woman stood in waist deep water in the pond and said “I guess I won’t do this again.” The alligator then grabbed her in its jaws a second time and took her under the water. https://t.co/Ngv2BznbMi

— Liam Stack (@liamstack) May 7, 2020