This Week's Important Florida News!

[gblowfish]

Two Boffo Stories:

Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.

Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.

Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!

Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.

Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.

The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.

On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.

According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."

The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.

Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.

http://www.manateesheriff.com/Public...px?ID=10125392

Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.

Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.

The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"

She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.

Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant.

[displacedinMN]

ick....

If I remember right, the seats in the back of a patrol car are very small and very hard fiberglass.

[TinyEvel]

WTF is a castration fetish? If you get your balls cut off, isn't it impossible to get a boner? The thing you do to get off make sit impossible to get off, no?

And, no, I aint looking it up to find out.

[Otter]

THIS STORY IS FALSE

But entertaining and until I researched it a bit I was convinced we are living in a Quentin Tarantino Movie.

Click knowing it's false:

Spoiler!

Despite the outlandish claims that 510lb Romeo Carter broke into a Miami based Burger King to drink gallons of cooking oil, some readers remained sceptical.

A Florida man found an extreme way to cheat on his diet last night: He broke into a closed fast food restaurant and drank more than 25 gallons of used oil from the deep fryers.
The Miami Police Department received a call for a break-in at a Burger King restaurant around 2 A.M. and some officers were on the site in a matter of minutes.
Upon arriving at the restaurant, they found 510-lb Romeo Carter, chugging down oil directly from the deep fryers. The 41-year old man has already ingested dozens of gallons of cooking oil, but was still drinking it with an apparently unquenchable thirst.
He was arrested on the site and accused of burglary, criminal trespass, theft by unlawful taking and criminal mischief.

And rightly so. The story is entirely fictional. There is no “Romeo Carter” (the mugshot is someone else) and the entire story is just designed to garner likes and shares on social media. It is yet another example of fake news from our leading spoof news website worldnewsdailyreport.com.

WorldNewsDailyReport.com is a popular fake news site that often publishes this sort of fake news by creating a bizarre sounding crime and coupling it with a random mugshot found on the Internet, and then presenting both as a real life crime that recently occurred.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Otter

THIS STORY IS FALSE

But entertaining and until I researched it a bit I was convinced we are living in a Quentin Tarantino Movie.

Click knowing it's false:

Spoiler!

Despite the outlandish claims that 510lb Romeo Carter broke into a Miami based Burger King to drink gallons of cooking oil, some readers remained sceptical.

A Florida man found an extreme way to cheat on his diet last night: He broke into a closed fast food restaurant and drank more than 25 gallons of used oil from the deep fryers.
The Miami Police Department received a call for a break-in at a Burger King restaurant around 2 A.M. and some officers were on the site in a matter of minutes.
Upon arriving at the restaurant, they found 510-lb Romeo Carter, chugging down oil directly from the deep fryers. The 41-year old man has already ingested dozens of gallons of cooking oil, but was still drinking it with an apparently unquenchable thirst.
He was arrested on the site and accused of burglary, criminal trespass, theft by unlawful taking and criminal mischief.

And rightly so. The story is entirely fictional. There is no “Romeo Carter” (the mugshot is someone else) and the entire story is just designed to garner likes and shares on social media. It is yet another example of fake news from our leading spoof news website worldnewsdailyreport.com.

WorldNewsDailyReport.com is a popular fake news site that often publishes this sort of fake news by creating a bizarre sounding crime and coupling it with a random mugshot found on the Internet, and then presenting both as a real life crime that recently occurred.

Yeah, the 25 gallons of fryer oil kind of tips us off.

The people who write these things should be working a little harder. If it was two gallons, or maybe even three, it would potentially be believable. But 25 gallons immediately ruins the fantasy.

That said, my favorite tabloid story was about a new hobby of skydiving without a parachute. The participants had to hit trees so the branches would slow their fall. I could see it in my mind's eye.

[Otter]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Yeah, the 25 gallons of fryer oil kind of tips us off.

The people who write these things should be working a little harder. If it was two gallons, or maybe even three, it would potentially be believable. But 25 gallons immediately ruins the fantasy.

That said, my favorite tabloid story was about a new hobby of skydiving without a parachute. The participants had to hit trees so the branches would slow their fall. I could see it in my mind's eye.

I couldn't resist. That story would have been so cool if true.

[BigRedChief]

'Miracle Man' survives 7 hours in Tampa heat, fire ants after collapsing in parking lot

TAMPA, Fla. -- Doctors are calling him the Miracle Man.

Clifford Rice, 49, defied the odds after spending seven hours lying unresponsive in a parking lot.

His organs were shutting down after he collapsed, while searching for his car after a concert in Tampa.

“The last thing I remember is the ants coming for me," Rice said.

Fire ants were covering Rice's face.

"A lot of them," Rice said.

Exhausted from the heat, Rice had a seizure in a parking lot across from Raymond James Stadium while trying to find his car after working as an usher at the Tim McGraw concert in September.

Rice tried calling for help, but dropped his cellphone, and ended up stuck under a random vehicle.

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/r...in-parking-lot

[gblowfish]

Here Mr. Gator, this Bud's for you!
https://news.yahoo.com/florida-man-a...000600555.html

PALM CITY, Fla. – A Florida man is accused of enticing an alligator to bite his arm and pouring beer into its mouth after his friend caught the reptile.

Timothy Kepke, 27, of Hobe Sound and Noah Osborne, 22, of Stuart were arrested Oct. 3. Each was charged with unlawfully taking an alligator, a felony.

According to a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission report, a complaint was received in August about Kepke holding an alligator. A video apparently showed Kepke trying to get the alligator to bite his arm and giving beer to the reptile, after which, the alligator reacted aggressively. Officers said they went to Kepke's home on Sept. 17 and Kepke told them he was the person in the video.

Kepke told officers Osborne caught the reptile with his bare hands in Palm City on Aug. 26. He said they later released the gator alive.

Kepke also told officers he had had a couple of beers, but wasn't drunk when the incident happened.

A female friend was there when the incident happened, Kepke told the officers. On Sept. 21, officers spoke with the friend, who confirmed what Osborne and Kepke said.

The woman told officers she thought the reptile bit Kepke because of his actions.

Kepke and Osborne were arrested Oct. 3 and taken to the Martin County Jail, where they were later released on bond.

[Al Bundy]

A traffic stop in Florida led to the arrest of three people for drug possession and a Florida man's mugshot going viral.https://t.co/00ZqEb4bCQ pic.twitter.com/Q3tMg7dM2h

— WFLA NEWS (@WFLA) October 11, 2019

[scho63]

Originally Posted by Al Bundy

A traffic stop in Florida led to the arrest of three people for drug possession and a Florida man's mugshot going viral.https://t.co/00ZqEb4bCQ pic.twitter.com/Q3tMg7dM2h

— WFLA NEWS (@WFLA) October 11, 2019

[stumppy]

Originally Posted by Al Bundy

A traffic stop in Florida led to the arrest of three people for drug possession and a Florida man's mugshot going viral.https://t.co/00ZqEb4bCQ pic.twitter.com/Q3tMg7dM2h

— WFLA NEWS (@WFLA) October 11, 2019

[BigRedChief]

Florida man ‘dry humps’ stuffed Olaf doll at Pinellas Park Target,

PINELLAS PARK — A St. Petersburg man was arrested Tuesday after police said he “dry humped" multiple stuffed animals at the Park Place Target, including Olaf, the snowman from the wildly successful Disney film Frozen.

The other victim was a large stuffed unicorn.

Police said Cody Meader, 20, of St. Petersburg, entered the store around 2 p.m. Tuesday. He walked up to a display of merchandise from Frozen, picked a large Olaf stuffed animal, placed it on the floor and proceeded to rub himself against it until he ejaculated.

Then he put it back on the display.

Authorities said Meader then walked into a toy aisle and grabbed another stuffed animal, this time a large unicorn, and rubbed himself against it as well.

Meader was detained in the store where police said he admitted to doing “stupid stuff.” Police said his father, who was not at the scene, told them Meader “has a history of this type of behavior.”

According to an arrest report, the dolls were removed from the store and destroyed.

Meader was charged with one misdemeanor account of criminal mischief and taken to Pinellas County jail. He was released on $150 bail that same day. He has no prior arrest history in Pinellas County.

Police said it is unknown if mental health is a factor.

https://www.tampabay.com/news/crime/...et-police-say/

[FAX]

"We just caught this dude ejaculating on a stuffed animal in public."

...

"Do you think mental health is a factor in this crime?"

...

"We don't know."

FAX

[seclark]

Originally Posted by FAX

"We just caught this dude ejaculating on a stuffed animal in public."

...

"Do you think mental health is a factor in this crime?"

...

"We don't know."

FAX

olaf and unicorns man...they're popular.
sec

[FAX]

I think we can all agree that the Unicorn is a Jungian Archetype and, as such, represents all that is evil and fearsome in the world. Therefore, if a guy wants to bang evil as an expression of dominance, I suppose that could be considered a form of relative sanity.

It's the Olaf sex that seems inconsistent with rationality. He's probably the least attractive Disney character ever.

FAX

[Baby Lee]

Do you wanna **** a snowman?