Beating the shit out of a co-worker

[Mr. Flopnuts]

You know, I just don't get it. I was raised that if you ****ed something up you better take accountability for it and make sure you don't write a check with your mouth that your ass can't cash.

I'm at work, and everything is going great until I stumble upon this ****stain that is completely ****ing off on a project that I'm going to have to fix later on. He was a scrawny little **** so I thought reasoning with him would solve the problem quickly.

No. This little shit obviously doesn't care about working here, and it's just a paycheck too him until he can get the **** out and start stunt doubling in porn on small cock films. Ridiculous. He starts talking shit about different ways to skin a cat and I told the little shit that I was going to skin him if he didn't take his work more seriously.

He continues running his mouth to the point that I told him I'd see him out in the parking lot after work. Needless to say, he shut the **** up at that point and I figured I'd be better off just fixing his **** up later and not letting the situation escalate too far. Before my shift ends, the ****ing police show up threatening to take me to jail for "assaulting" this kid. Jesus. He started the whole thing by being a ****ing asshole when I tried to explain how he could better do his job!

Turns out this little pussy went to H/R saying I threatened him! He was pretty nasty in some of the shit that he said to me, and I just responded in kind. He then goes and turns the tables on me portraying me to be some kind of asshole that just wanted to pick on someone half my size. As if it's my fault that God made him an oversized midget, and his father never taught him how to communicate with people in ways that wouldn't get his shit pushed in.

Luckily for me I've been here for years and the folks in H/R know my character. They told him it wasn't a big deal, and there wouldn't be any more problems. Case should be closed. I'd be happy to square it away with him myself, it's not like I was going to cave his skull in or anything. It was just the heat of the moment. I was looking forward to speaking with him last night to try and bury the hatchet but it turns out the little pussy just up and quit when H/R told him they weren't going to fire me! Wow. What are you going to do...

[ShortRoundChief]

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

Just an update. It hasn't been my year. My wife got pissed over me over cooking her steak and stabbed me with her fork. I grabbed it out of her hand and bruised her wrist in the process. ****, it's not like I was trying to hurt her. But she got emotional and called the police and I went to jail! Even though I was bleeding out of my nipple! Horseshit. What are you gonna do?

It takes someone special to not only make a parody thread, but to wait until the original was updated years later to update the parody.

Kudos to you sir.

[InChiefsHeaven]

Heh. Maybe you should become a vegetarian...