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Old 04-25-2025, 09:53 AM  
Bob Dole Bob Dole is offline
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Messing with squirrels
Someone sent me a video of a back yard contraption intended to mess with squirrels, messing with squirrels. It’s pretty funny.

It occurred to me I have a pile of scrap dimensional lumber, a couple hundred feet of heavy nylon cord, tools, and most importantly, spare time. The back yard fence probably wouldn’t work out well because the back yard is the dog’s space and they’d probably avoid participating in my animal sadism.

Ideally I’d be able to watch while sitting on my front porch in the morning of afternoon. I have a half finished tiki bar and about 50 trees visible from my typical porch perch I can utilize and most importantly, a LOT of squirrels with which to mess.

Shoot me some ideas
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Old 04-25-2025, 03:44 PM   #31
Pepe Silvia Pepe Silvia is offline
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Are you having an affair with a squirrel?
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Old 04-25-2025, 04:11 PM   #32
Zebedee DuBois Zebedee DuBois is offline
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Why just today, my husbandly duties included disposing of a squirrel carcass that suddenly appeared in the backyard. It looked fairly healthy, other than his lower jaw being missing.

There is a squirrel assassin out there.
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Old 04-25-2025, 04:13 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois View Post
Why just today, my husbandly duties included disposing of a squirrel carcass that suddenly appeared in the backyard. It looked fairly healthy, other than his lower jaw being missing.

There is a squirrel assassin out there.
Are they for hire?
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Old 04-25-2025, 04:17 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zebedee DuBois View Post
Why just today, my husbandly duties included disposing of a squirrel carcass that suddenly appeared in the backyard. It looked fairly healthy, other than his lower jaw being missing.

There is a squirrel assassin out there.
Sounds like someone in your neighborhood is setting out Mentos for the squirrels and someone else is setting out Pepsi.
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Old 04-25-2025, 04:18 PM   #35
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Old 04-25-2025, 04:49 PM   #36
Bob Dole Bob Dole is offline
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I've burned a mouse alive to get rid of it. I'm manlier than you.

Man up and go to war.
Wow.

We had a mouse problem in the dorm at Drury. Bastard would get to your food wherever it was. They wouldn’t do anything about it.

I moved the head of my bed towards the built in desk, laid a trail of donut crumbs to the edge, which led them to jump into a metal trash can where they were incinerated with a can of Right Guard and a lighter.

Then they were crucified on popsicle sticks from the dining hall and displayed on the landing between floors 1 and 2.

After I hung about 50 of the ****ers, they addressed the problem.
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Old 04-25-2025, 04:58 PM   #37
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I've burned a mouse alive to get rid of it. I'm manlier than you.
Lighting your own farts while doing rodent assplay?

You just moved yourself one tick closer to the Jeffrey Dahmer side of the graph.
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Old 04-25-2025, 05:14 PM   #38
KS Smitty KS Smitty is offline
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If you have a spring (similar to the one on those infant johnny jump up toys) and attach a hook on the end of it, attach it to a limb with the hook on the bottom. Crab an ear of deer corn stick it on the hook and watch the squirrels get it.
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Old 04-25-2025, 05:24 PM   #39
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Lighting your own farts while doing rodent assplay?

You just moved yourself one tick closer to the Jeffrey Dahmer side of the graph.
What was I supposed to do? The thing was stunned, not dead. I wasn't about to reach over and grab it and have it risk biting me or something. So I emptied the rest of a bottle of hand sanitizer over it's head. I think the shock paralyzed it further. Funny thing about hand sanitizer. It's HIGHLY flammable. It's an even better firestarter than lighter fluid. And I emptied that WHOLE bottle onto the ****ing thing. It was drenched like a sewer rat. Grabbed the box of matches nearby, skritch-skratch, and tossed the flame onto Mousey Denethor. Set a fire in his flesh. He went up like Gondor was calling for aid. But none came. His heart probably exploded because I didn't hear any screeching. The smell lingered terribly for a few days.
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Old 04-25-2025, 05:25 PM   #40
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These things are pretty awesome. Kudos to whoever invited them.
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Old 04-25-2025, 05:31 PM   #41
scho63 scho63 is offline
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Anything like:
Running with the Bulls?
Herding Cats?
Shooting Fish in a Barrell?
Corralling Sheep?
Dances with Wolves?
Wrangling Horses?
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Old 04-25-2025, 07:52 PM   #42
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I shot a squirrel just to watch him die
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Old 04-25-2025, 08:13 PM   #43
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"I kissed a squirrel and I liked it, the taste of her acorn Chapstick." Katy the Astronaut
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Old 04-25-2025, 08:26 PM   #44
Pepe Silvia Pepe Silvia is offline
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"I kissed a squirrel and I liked it, the taste of her acorn Chapstick." Katy the Astronaut
She needs to shut up and show her boobs.
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Old 04-25-2025, 08:28 PM   #45
scho63 scho63 is offline
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She needs to shut up and show her boobs.
1. Jessica Simpson
2. Katy Perry
3. AOC

Need at least one of those 3 to whip those puppies out..
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