Pictures Gay Day With Clay VI: Return of the Fed-I

Hammock Parties · 12-24-2014, 03:36 PM

Puke Claywalker has returned to his home planet of Postooine in an attempt to rescue his friend Han Trollo from the clutches of the vile gangster Clarka the Hunt.

Little does Puke know that the CHECKDOWN EMPIRE has secretly begun construction on a new armored ennui station even less powerful than the first dreaded Dink Star.

When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore touchdowns to the franchise...

So let's do this shit.

I wake up in the morning and spend some time with my girlfriend. She's always there for me. I'm actually getting work done here. Yes, i get to watch Jay Cutler getting sacked for work. It's a swell gig.

Let's get ready for our gay day. It's a bit chilly so I decide to wear corduroys. I got them on sale from Jos. A Bank!

Here's our first stop! Look at all those ****ing TVs. I already have a TV but just walking into Sam's Club and seeing them all gives me wood.

What should we ****ing buy at Sam's Club? All the necessities...hummus, celery, apples, mother****ing tuna because this growing boy needs his protein...also I'm 33 in seven days and don't want to lose my hair. **** you. I'm heading this shit off at the pass. Also, I am a cheap bastard and I'm not springing extra for Rogaine.

FUUUUUU*******. This is indeed a Star Wars themed Gay Day. I didn't buy these but just walking past them makes me hop in the air and click my heels together.

OH MAN I WALKED PAST THIS THOUGH AND YOU BET I BOUGHT IT.

**** yes. I am slightly European, so these will go great with my super gay tea breaks. 10 bucks for the whole tin, too. I love Sam's Club. The Force is strong with me, mother****er.

Speaking of Lucasfilm references, look, it's Indiana ****ing Jones! I have a moment of regret, because I'm also wearing a leather jacket, and could have brought my fedora. I could have totally posed with this guy. ****.

I skip the gratuitous slice of Sam's Club pizza and decided it's lunchtime. **** going to these places, though. If you eat at Panera bread you are either fat, a really stupid college girl, or just have terrible taste in restaurants. Actually, all three of those things more than likely.

THIS IS WHERE I'M EATING. **** ALL OF YOU WHO DON'T LIKE IT.

Hey look, pagan symbols and pitch awards. I'm ****ing down. This is also my first time here.

Would you look at all that food that will make me shit the rainbow later. LET'S DO THIS. God this place smells wonderful. It's time to feed myself.

I get my first plate. The service here sucks and they don't even bring me water. I had to get my own utensils. No ****s given. I'd rather not tip a dirty hindu anyway.

My water ****ing arrives after an extra from Temple Doom finally gets done with his human sacrifices, and I begin my second plate. This food is awesome. Kali Ma, shakti de!

KALI MAAAAAAAAA! KALI MAAAAAAAAA! The Daal is a bit runny, but it's all gonna be runny in a few hours so no big deal. I am ****ing stuffed. Note that I didn't get a refill on my water, because ****ing Punjab was too busy ripping some guy's heart out and lowering him into a pit of lava.

We pause for a second to reflect on life. Current attitude: gluttonous. I am a Fed-I, like my father before me. GET IT. I FED MYSELF, SO I AM A FED-I. Oh, **** you.

We're not done ****ing around with indian shit, so let's go next door.

YES. Look at all this shit. **** Price Chopper, Hyvee and Aldi. This place is where it's at.

Also to be ****ed: your American swill cookies. I get my cookies imported. Also, they're called "biscuits." You philistines.

Hit the second post and see how we end this adventure.

Hammock Parties · 12-24-2014, 03:37 PM

We hit the Burger King bathroom across the street for a piss break and a selfie. I've attempted to lock myself in with paper towels but I don't think it's gonna hold. Actually, those paper towels were already there. Some germophobe just gone done in here. Weirdos. Note my leather jacket. Why yes, it is 100% lambskin and a screen-accurate replica of Harrison Ford's jacket from the 1981 smash action adventure hit Raiders of the Lost Ark. A LUCASFILM LTD. PRODUCTION.

ONWARD! Now that we are fed, let's get some nerd shit. Fun anecdote: a slightly disabled person was doing that sideways limp funkyman walk in front of me as I took this pic. I wonder if they thought I was taking a picture of them. I feel slightly guilty, but they were probably going in here to buy a pokemen doll to dry hump at night anyway.

YES! YES! YES! This is the best bang for your nerd buck on the planet. For half the price of an Indian buffet, which will give you a brick of shit in a few hours, you can get a whole brick of this other shit.

SUCK MY BRICK

We're heading home now but we have one more stop. Because I love to shop. TJ Maxx until you drop. Out of my car I hop. I really love that Indian slop. If you are one, **** you, cop.

A dead man wore this.

Here's another dead man. $39.99 for his ****ing death robes? **** that shit. I oughta burn this TJ Maxx down.

Speaking of things that need to die in a fire, on the way home I spot a woman with HER ****ING LAPDOP IN HER LAP WHILE SHE IS DRIVING. Johnson County is home to the dumbest ****ing WASPs in the country. This lady probably ate at Panera Bread for lunch. I bet she hasn't even SEEN Star Wars, and probably thinks I'm wearing a regular old leather jacket.

And we're home. This is a special photo to me, because last year I couldn't get up the driveway in the snow. **** you, Mustang.

So yeah, remember all those apples in my shopping cart? LET'S MAKE SOME ****ING APPLESAUCE. You can see the cinnamon stick peeking up at right. Note my very classy and sophisticated Emeril cookware. You know you turn like 15 apples into a huge pot of applesauce in about 90 minutes? It's wonderful.

Aww yeah. Feeding time for my Klipsch Promedia 2.1 speaker. Eat up buddy. You can see Boba Fett's boot!

I TOLD YOU WE WERE GOING TO "DO THIS SHIT." RIP INDIAN FOOD.

I am a Fed-I.

Join us next time on Gay Day VII: The Farce Awakens

Previous Episodes of GDWC:

Episode I: Winstead's

Episode II: Taco John's

Episode III: Big Biscuit

Episode IV: Pizza Manifesto

Episode V: Culvers

cosmo20002 · 12-24-2014, 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Count Alex's Losses

We hit the Burger King bathroom across the street for a piss break and a selfie. I've attempted to lock myself in with paper towels but I don't think it's gonna hold. Actually, those paper towels were already there. Some germophobe just gone done in here. Weirdos.

I would not touch a public bathroom door handle for any less than $50.
That amount of paper towels seems a bit excessive, however.

**LoneWolf** · 12-24-2014, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cosmo20002

I would not touch a public bathroom door handle for any less than $50.

Do you know how I know you're a pussy?

PizzaDoughz · 12-24-2014, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoneWolf

Do you know how I know you're a pussy?

Either you're trolling or you like touching other peoples crap and piss. A lot of dudes don't even bother washing their hands and it's sick

**LoneWolf** · 12-24-2014, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PizzaDoughz

Either you're trolling or you like touching other peoples crap and piss. A lot of dudes don't even bother washing their hands and it's sick

Do you know there are shit particles in the air all around you? You probably have shit in your mouth right now. If you want to put a towel in your hand when you open the door to a public restroom, that fine. But to state you wouldn't touch one for less than $50 is dumb.

You have an immune system fir a reason and if you don't use it it becomes weak. I swear to God we've become a nation of ****ing nancy boys.

**Mr. Flopnuts** · 12-24-2014, 03:45 PM

JFC Clay. I just had my wife watch the Mr. Hankey South park episode. I didn't need a real life version.

Hammock Parties · 12-24-2014, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Der Flöprer

JFC Clay. I just had my wife watch the Mr. Hankey South park episode. I didn't need a real life version.

pwned

so totally pwned

I made you look at my shit on Christmas Eve!

**BigMeatballDave** · 12-24-2014, 03:49 PM

Guys still wear Corduroy? LOL

I think I wore some in the early 80s.

In58men · 12-24-2014, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigMeatballDave

Guys still wear Corduroy? LOL

I think I wore some in the early 80s.

Coming from the guy who wears jean shorts with a jersey tucked in

Fansy the Famous Bard · 12-24-2014, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inmem58

Coming from the guy who wears jean shorts with a jersey tucked in

They still make jean shorts? I haven't seen those in years.

**BigMeatballDave** · 12-24-2014, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inmem58

Coming from the guy who wears jean shorts with a jersey tucked in

Alex Smith Jersey, get it right.

Deberg_1990 · 12-24-2014, 03:49 PM

Where's the pics of your girl?

Hammock Parties · 12-24-2014, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deberg_1990

Where's the pics of your girl?

First pic. She's a bit flat.

Deberg_1990 · 12-24-2014, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Count Alex's Losses

First pic. She's a bit flat.

Oh I get it, it's like that 'Her' movie with Joaqin Phoenix

12-24-2014, 03:36 PM	Topic Starter
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $1030478	Gay Day With Clay VI: Return of the Fed-I Puke Claywalker has returned to his home planet of Postooine in an attempt to rescue his friend Han Trollo from the clutches of the vile gangster Clarka the Hunt. Little does Puke know that the CHECKDOWN EMPIRE has secretly begun construction on a new armored ennui station even less powerful than the first dreaded Dink Star. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore touchdowns to the franchise... So let's do this shit. I wake up in the morning and spend some time with my girlfriend. She's always there for me. I'm actually getting work done here. Yes, i get to watch Jay Cutler getting sacked for work. It's a swell gig. Let's get ready for our gay day. It's a bit chilly so I decide to wear corduroys. I got them on sale from Jos. A Bank! Here's our first stop! Look at all those **ing TVs. I already have a TV but just walking into Sam's Club and seeing them all gives me wood. What should we ing buy at Sam's Club? All the necessities...hummus, celery, apples, mothering tuna because this growing boy needs his protein...also I'm 33 in seven days and don't want to lose my hair. you. I'm heading this shit off at the pass. Also, I am a cheap bastard and I'm not springing extra for Rogaine. FUUUUUU***. This is indeed a Star Wars themed Gay Day. I didn't buy these but just walking past them makes me hop in the air and click my heels together. OH MAN I WALKED PAST THIS THOUGH AND YOU BET I BOUGHT IT. yes. I am slightly European, so these will go great with my super gay tea breaks. 10 bucks for the whole tin, too. I love Sam's Club. The Force is strong with me, motherer. Speaking of Lucasfilm references, look, it's Indiana ing Jones! I have a moment of regret, because I'm also wearing a leather jacket, and could have brought my fedora. I could have totally posed with this guy. . I skip the gratuitous slice of Sam's Club pizza and decided it's lunchtime. going to these places, though. If you eat at Panera bread you are either fat, a really stupid college girl, or just have terrible taste in restaurants. Actually, all three of those things more than likely. THIS IS WHERE I'M EATING. ALL OF YOU WHO DON'T LIKE IT. Hey look, pagan symbols and pitch awards. I'm ing down. This is also my first time here. Would you look at all that food that will make me shit the rainbow later. LET'S DO THIS. God this place smells wonderful. It's time to feed myself. I get my first plate. The service here sucks and they don't even bring me water. I had to get my own utensils. No s given. I'd rather not tip a dirty hindu anyway. My water ing arrives after an extra from Temple Doom finally gets done with his human sacrifices, and I begin my second plate. This food is awesome. Kali Ma, shakti de! KALI MAAAAAAAAA! KALI MAAAAAAAAA! The Daal is a bit runny, but it's all gonna be runny in a few hours so no big deal. I am ing stuffed. Note that I didn't get a refill on my water, because ing Punjab was too busy ripping some guy's heart out and lowering him into a pit of lava. We pause for a second to reflect on life. Current attitude: gluttonous. I am a Fed-I, like my father before me. GET IT. I FED MYSELF, SO I AM A FED-I. Oh, you. We're not done ing around with indian shit, so let's go next door. YES. Look at all this shit. Price Chopper, Hyvee and Aldi. This place is where it's at. Also to be **ed: your American swill cookies. I get my cookies imported. Also, they're called "biscuits." You philistines. Hit the second post and see how we end this adventure.
Posts: 296,728

12-24-2014, 03:37 PM	#2
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $1030478	We hit the Burger King bathroom across the street for a piss break and a selfie. I've attempted to lock myself in with paper towels but I don't think it's gonna hold. Actually, those paper towels were already there. Some germophobe just gone done in here. Weirdos. Note my leather jacket. Why yes, it is 100% lambskin and a screen-accurate replica of Harrison Ford's jacket from the 1981 smash action adventure hit Raiders of the Lost Ark. A LUCASFILM LTD. PRODUCTION. ONWARD! Now that we are fed, let's get some nerd shit. Fun anecdote: a slightly disabled person was doing that sideways limp funkyman walk in front of me as I took this pic. I wonder if they thought I was taking a picture of them. I feel slightly guilty, but they were probably going in here to buy a pokemen doll to dry hump at night anyway. YES! YES! YES! This is the best bang for your nerd buck on the planet. For half the price of an Indian buffet, which will give you a brick of shit in a few hours, you can get a whole brick of this other shit. SUCK MY BRICK We're heading home now but we have one more stop. Because I love to shop. TJ Maxx until you drop. Out of my car I hop. I really love that Indian slop. If you are one, ** you, cop. A dead man wore this. Here's another dead man. $39.99 for his ing death robes? that shit. I oughta burn this TJ Maxx down. Speaking of things that need to die in a fire, on the way home I spot a woman with HER ING LAPDOP IN HER LAP WHILE SHE IS DRIVING. Johnson County is home to the dumbest ing WASPs in the country. This lady probably ate at Panera Bread for lunch. I bet she hasn't even SEEN Star Wars, and probably thinks I'm wearing a regular old leather jacket. And we're home. This is a special photo to me, because last year I couldn't get up the driveway in the snow. you, Mustang. So yeah, remember all those apples in my shopping cart? LET'S MAKE SOME *ING APPLESAUCE. You can see the cinnamon stick peeking up at right. Note my very classy and sophisticated Emeril* cookware. You know you turn like 15 apples into a huge pot of applesauce in about 90 minutes? It's wonderful. Aww yeah. Feeding time for my Klipsch Promedia 2.1 speaker. Eat up buddy. You can see Boba Fett's boot! I TOLD YOU WE WERE GOING TO "DO THIS SHIT." RIP INDIAN FOOD. I am a Fed-I. Join us next time on Gay Day VII: The Farce Awakens Previous Episodes of GDWC: Episode I: Winstead's Episode II: Taco John's Episode III: Big Biscuit Episode IV: Pizza Manifesto Episode V: Culvers __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 296,728

12-24-2014, 03:49 PM	#9
BigMeatballDave GBM 8-12-15 Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Dayton, Oh. Casino cash: $10052154	Guys still wear Corduroy? LOL I think I wore some in the early 80s.
Posts: 59,997

12-24-2014, 03:49 PM	#13
Deberg_1990 In Search of a Life Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: San Antonio Tx. Casino cash: $334454	Where's the pics of your girl? __________________ Originally Posted by Cassel's Reckoning: Matt once made a very nice play in Seattle where he spun away from a pass rusher and hit Bowe off his back foot for a first down. One of the best plays Matt has ever made.
Posts: 68,417