[Saul Good]

Can't wear leather belts because cow hides don't get long enough

Changed religions to avoid fasting

Switched to Catholicism just for the wafers

He ate the bones

Tired of never being invited to parties to play drinking games, he invented eating games

Swallowed a horse to catch a cow. Swallowed a cow to catch a dog. Swallowed a dog to catch a cat. Swallowed a cat to catch a bird. Swallowed a bird to catch a spider. Swallowed a spider to catch a fly. Why did he swallow a fly? Because he's a fat **** who will eat anything that doesn't eat him first.

Never swims because he has never gone an hour without eating.

Always wondered why his ukulele sounded weird...found out it was a cello.

Once laughed so hard milkshake came out his nose

Ate his grandmother's entire gold coin collection in hopes that one would contain chocolate

Once faked being in a coma just so he could have his own feeding tube

Actually shot his fridge because it was mad at it for being empty

Orders a diet Coke to go with his 5 Big Macs and large fries from McDonalds so he doesn't seem like such a fat turd...secretly fills up his cup with regular Coke.

Encourages people to say grace before meals just so he can sneak food from their plates while their eyes are closed

Sucks on his own fat tits regularly just in case milk comes out

Would out drink hootie, but time spent drinking is time not spent eating...so that's out.

Trains for pie eating contests

Is only an asshole when he's hungry

When most people want food, they can call and ask for delivery. Frazod gets transferred to catering.

**literally erased easily the best one because I heard God tell me that I was going to hell if I posted it...honest. It was so funny that I almost hit Submit. I am not lying about this.**