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Since I'm living in Pootie's head, I might as well redecorate a bit. From now on, I'll rank these turds on the PootieScale, as follows:
10 POOTIES Roofie'd a cheerleader - she doesn't remember anything! lol
9 POOTIES Mom sent beer/rent money!
8 POOTIES Raided the hotel's liquor storage! Free beer for friends/big stupid bodyguards!
7 POOTIES She left before I woke up and didn't steal anything!
6 POOTIES Hid from angry boyfriend behind friends/big stupid bodyguards. lol
5 POOTIES Hangover wasn't so bad this morning.
4 POOTIES Friends/big stupid bodyguards weren't around-had to cry like a little girl to get out of a beating
3 POOTIES Why does it hurt when I pee?
2 POOTIES Had to drink glass of would-be assailant's urine to avoid beating
1 POOTIE IT'S A BOY!
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BUMP'S REVIEW: You need to embrace the concept of quality over quantity, Pootie. This was overlong, silly and reeruned. Even more so than usual. Like Bump's butcher knife is going to stop me with an arsenal of guns. Lame. Chronic alcoholic mocking somebody as a drug addict sets off hypocrisy alarm. Even more lame.
Nice touch with the Mexican bit, though. You probably made native's vag hurt. Points for that.
I give this 3 POOTIES. Try writing the next one when you're in that small daily sobriety window!
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