|
There I was, in my lavish leather chair, scarved in my velvet robe with man-slippers wobbling loosely on my toes. Manhattan in one hand, olive in tact, and The New Yorker in the other. I was packing my corncob pipe with tobacco and flipping between my two most prestigious television programs, "Jersey Shore" and DVR'd episodes of "Glenn Beck." I can't stand this socialist hellhole!, but I love me some reality TV zazz.
I was celebrating because I had just picked Taylor Mays for the Broncos, and I was fairly certain that the excellence of that pick would stun a team of oxen dead in its tracks. Its effect would be even more drastic with a pathetic gaggle of draftnik wannabes like yourselves -- I mean, I had won the ChiefsPlanet Mock Draft a fourth year in a row, a feat that's NEVER ONCE been accomplished in the history of mankind! I was getting a blowjob from a conga-line of Bronco fans, while serenading them with "we're going to beat the hell out of you, you you you..."! (Let's just say Donk fans will put up with anything if you get them a centerfield safety.)
But I get a rude awakening in my PM box, which I was surprised to learn was not a congratulatory message on my Mock Victory.
It was from Archie Bunker. APPARENTLY we're still doing this thing. I guess even Angola played the Dream Team all four quarters, right?
Well get ready to get dunked on, bitches. The Vikes are up and they are PISSED. They can't BELIEVE they lost the NFC Championship to a team they outgained and outplayed.
Roger Goddell won't even come out to announce their pick. No, wait, not even that. The entire starting DL has actually shown up and shoved him into Charlie Weis' lunchbox. The Vikings, finally armed with a premier Mock Owner, aren't even going to bother announcing anything. I'm just going to point to the player I want and the boys will storm the Green Room to steal him away.
The decision shakes out to the two players that I believe are the best remaining on this board, both of them defensive tackles. Neither one will be able to aptly replace Pat Williams as a pure run-stuffer, but they can further bolster the defensive line and keep this team's defense better for longer. There are no cornerbacks or quarterbacks that I like here, and I actually dislike a shitton of the WRs I've seen this year.
Maurkice Pouncey is an option to solidify the one OL position I think is shit on this team, but centers come and centers go; defensive line is forever.
Odrick and Price are both penetrators in the mold of the other Williams brother, but in this case I think Odrick is the most adaptable. Odrick isn't a maxed out overachiever like Price is. Price is very limited to penetrating, Odrick has room to get even bigger than his 310 lbs body, and he can take a year while Pat plays his last year to get some of his anchoring down pat, which will naturally improve as he puts weight on.
I like the upside in this guy, so this is the direction I'm going, to even further solidify my victory.
The Minnesota Vikings select DT Jared Odrick, Penn State.
|