[Rain Man]

Oh, fun question. Here's my thought process.

Zone A - Spain and Portugal are cool, but the truth is that you'll likely be Nigerian, and no one wants to be Nigerian. Zone A is a clear no.

Zone B - You've got good odds to be born a Western European, and that's a good thing. But if you miss that, you're likely completely screwed in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. It's a good bet for rolling the dice, though high risk, high reward. This one's in the running.

Zone C - You could be really happy in Scandinavia, or above water in Eastern Europe. But Ethiopia and Egypt are big countries lurking down in the south. I think the odds are that you'll be a loser, but it's not a hopeless bet.

Zone D - Pretty much just kill yourself early on and try to get reincarnated. Most likely, you'll be Indian or Pakistani, and if not that, Iranian or Russian. A really lucky break would get you into Australia or perhaps herding reindeer in Lapland, but this is a wing and a prayer. Turn this one down.

Zone E - That's an unfair thing to do to Japan. Japan would be great, and there's nothing else there even remotely palatable other than maybe being born into an uncontacted tribe in the Sentinel Islands or Philippines or parts of New Guinea. I guess Taiwan and Hong Kong would be tolerable, but the odds are that this is a no.

Zone F - Oddly good. Canada would be great, of course, and you could draw Alaska or Hawaii for the win. Most of Asian Russia is pretty much autonomous, so unless Putin kidnaps you into the army you're just eking out an existence and wondering what women look like under all of those coats. Northern China's not great, and I think Mongolia is better than it seems. This one's in the running, though I worry that most of your odds are going to be in Manchuria. Tough call here, but it's not an automatic out.

Zone G - 2/3 chance of South Korea, which would be good. 1/3 chance of North Korea, which would be bad, but you probably wouldn't know it's bad since you get no outside learning. This option is nihilistically good.

Zone H - Your worst case is New Guinea, which is pretty much a failed state. That's not good. But you could also draw NE Australia or New Zealand, which would be great. However, New Guinea has just as many people as those places, so it's a 50/50 shot. You get the wild card of being born on one of those South Pacific islands, which is probably good but not as good as one imagines. It's not as good as you initially think, but it's not out of the running.

Zone I - My first thought is that this is a really good one. But I think your odds are probably a little less than 50 percent to be in the USA, and then maybe 25 percent in Mexico and 25 percent in countries further south. Mexico is probably not as bad as its reputation, though there's some risk. There aren't really a lot of pits of human misery here, and hey, you could get lucky and be born in Colorado. This is a good option, and just hope you don't draw "Peruvian slums" or anywhere in Nicaragua.

Zone J - We're talking pretty much the east coast or Brazil, with the odds tilted toward Brazil by probably 65/35 as a rough guess. You don't want big chunks of Brazil, but there are other areas that aren't bad. You don't want Baltimore, but there are worse places. It's less good than it appears, but not the bottom.

Okay, I'll post this and then rank them.