[duncan_idaho]

Brett Veach strolls onto the stage, a measuring tape draped across his shoulders, carrying a stick. He is smiling.

“Hey, did you see what the Bills just did? I called the Ravens and told them we wanted to come up to get Nic Scourton, but to please please please NOT tell Billy Beane.”

His smile drops, and Veach looks sad. So very very sad.

“Nick, drop the banner.”

Nick Weight runs on to stage, cackling, then jumps and grabs hold of a rope, swinging off the stage as he shouts “Local 42 for liiiiiiiife.”

A banner drops in his wake, a giant blown up picture of Maury Povich in a smart black turtleneck and brown checked sports coat combo, with the caption…”

“BUT THAT WAS A LIE.”

Veach begins laughing maniacally as the camera cuts to the Bills war room, which shows a distraught Billy Beane putting his head in his hands. The mic in the room picks up his moaned muttering “Not again. Not again. Don’t go on tilt, Billy. Not like last time… not again.”

“You see, I’ve been doing a little practice. Playing Texas Hold ‘Em with my boy Nick Wright. When you can take down the Poker Brat, taking down the Playoff Doormat is child’s play.

“Meanwhile, I’ve been personally doing some arm length measurements. Our pick has been measured, and he has NOT been found wanting.”

Veach stretches the measuring tape in front of him. The camera zooms in to see 33 1/2 marked with a red circle.

“With the 31st pick in the 2025 NFL draft, the once and future NFL re-peat champion Kansas City Chiefs select Josh Conerly, Jr., OT, Oregon.

“Patrick, we got him.

“Those scumbags from Philadelphia are on the clock.”