Quote:
Originally Posted by cooper barrett
On that you and I agree. I've got much further telling an officer, straight up, what they wanted to hear and have had a few breaks because of it. A couple which were significant.
You must be the luckiest ****er in MO or have a hole where hundreds of dollars or a gold coins fall out of your pant legs to have a success rate of 95%.
I'll stick with "bull shit" So far your $275 $4500 fine just reminds me of a great DA that didn't have a chance in hell to convict you, somehow hornswoggled you to plead out. It's the only way I have seen a judge smile after asking Are you were prepared to settle the matter today).
You know how hard it was to find a pic of a smiling judge, night court included? But tell me if you ever dreamed of a romp with Markie Post, after she bought boobs.
I do have "so you wrote me a ticket because is diss'ed you by not braking when I saw you?" line that made a judge smile, but not till everyone else did. |
1. You can call 'bullshit' all you want...but out of the 5%, one includes the felony I paid dearly for, and the other the $4500 fine, and then there was the $275 dollar one. And a couple other misdemeanors that became parking tickets.
2. If you'll call bullshit on that, I won't even bother telling you about the time I was tripping on acid at a Black Crowes concert, lost my girlfriend, she called from home to warn of a DUI roadblock, so we went the back way...right into another roadblock in East Alton. Cops shined a light on the bowl on the console...half ounce of blue dream broke into 1/8oz bags in the trunk...my buddy Doug has a CCW, so there's a weapon in the car. Dingleberry Pete is driving - cop asks for license/registration. Fumble**** Pete opens the glove box, bag of weed. Tells the cop it's his mom's car, cop asks for insurance. Dipshit Pete opens the glove box again; bag of weed is still there. I'm silently freaking the **** out. Cop pulls 40YearOldVirgin Pete out of the car. Car in front of us is getting tossed by a drug dog. (I was on probation at the time, btw) I tell Douglas I'm gonna run for it. He says 'you will not. You sit there and stay cool. We're gonna be okay.'
Yeah...right.
Cop comes back and goes "Which one of you is Jeremy?"
My heart sinks, my world turns a weird mean grey...and I go 'I am.'
They pulled me out and asked me where we had been/going, yadda yadda. Black Crowes show, headed to my girlfriends after a big crazy Friday Night in the big city. Our stories matched up. They told me TwoBeersTooMany Pete had blown a .081. Had I had anything to drink.? "Not really. A couple, few hours ago."
"Why is Buttpirate Pete driving?"
"It's his mom's car, and he didn't seem impaired. We stopped and ate at White Castle (crave case and shakes were proof), and everything was fine. At no point did I feel he was impaired or otherwise incapable of operating a motor vehicle."
'Well, we're gonna have you blow."
'But...I wasn't driving'
Stop frame :
At this point, my paranoia peaks - they're gonna hang me for EVERYTHING. Blow in a breathalyzer - I wasn't even driving - and I'm on probation in Missouri! I'm gonna get caught with drugs and guns and White Castle and Drunk driving Buttpirates named Pete, ****!!
UNSTOP FRAME :
I blew a .077.
"Jeremy, I need you to get in the front seat."
"Ummm...ok."
They put me behind the wheel of the car, and I drove to my girlfriend's.
And that's not even the craziest. It's just probably the craziest I can post here.
Lucky?
Hoss, I'm ****ING CHARMED.
blessed, even.
It's the craziest life I've ever lived. You couldn't make it up if you tried.
No one would believe it anyway.
3. Maybe your friend is an asshole?
4. Before AND after she had tits, bro - Markie Post was why I HAD to watch Night Court. Duh.