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It's been rough for me lately. I am not feeling so good these days. I don't know what is going on with my lymph nodes at the base of my throat under my jawbone, but the left side is swollen and sore. I am not running a fever, though. The chemo has hit me hardest in my feet and fingers. My heels look like someone took a box cutter to them and my right big toe where it joins my foot is split on the underside like I stepped on glass, and it feels like I did. My fingernail beds on my right index and thumb tip have split and bleed easily. Fatigue has been hanging on as well. I need to feel better than this next week for the Black Sabbath concert and most definitely for my trip coming up in April. I can't get enough liquids in me, either, and I've been drinking water to no end today. It's weird. I don't get gradually more thirsty. It just hits me suddenly and I am parched. I am, however, glad that the chemo runs have been minimal and not as severe with the usual feelings of intense pressure in my lower intestine.
For all this complaining, though, I know of someone in much worse shape than me. I've been playing an online game and met a woman who is now cancer free, but she is not in good shape by any means. She had both chemo and radiation, had most of her stomach removed, and still has feeding tubes in her. She told me a few weeks ago that she was able to eat mashed potatoes for the first time in years. Most of her "food" goes into the tubes, so there is precious little she can actually eat via her mouth. She is gaining weight now, which is good, but she has a LONG way to go. She is 5'11" and weighs 93 lbs.
She was not expected to survive her cancer, and her now ex-husband hooked up with a new woman while she was undergoing treatment. He's with the new chick still. I can't imagine what feeling of betrayal she must have been subjected to over that prick. But, despite all of this, she prays for me and she has such a strong spirit. When things get me down, I think of her and how much worse off I could be, and how much stronger I could be or wish I could be. I do not know how much she will recover, but not much could make me happier than to find out it would be a complete recovery. I know it won't since the stomach doesn't grow back, but I pray she does recover significantly.
I guess I will put some more lotion on my feet now, get another glass of water in me, and head to bed. Tomorrow might be a good day, but even if I don't feel better than I do now, I know I will have a good breakfast and that counts for something. I like breakfast. I'll think about my trip if I need to put a smile on my face, too.
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