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It was one year ago today that I got some of the very worst news of my life. I was told that my colon cancer had infected my liver and it was at stage IV, I would be dead in 10 weeks without treatment, and with chemo, I might live for 3 more years. What a devastating day that was and the whirlwind that followed was a strain unlike anything I had ever known. With my prayers and the prayers and support of so many others, many of whom are on this site, I found peace and a determination to fight. I came to the realization that surviving was not my primary battle. My real battle was keeping my faith and trust in God that if I live or die, it was in His hands and I needed strength to be okay with either outcome. Once again, much of that strength came from so many of you here. Tears and dread soon faded from my days and the whirlwind slowed down and a day began to feel like a day again and not like three or four packed into one.
The chemo was frightening since I had no idea what to expect, but the side effects didn't kick me as hard as so many are kicked by it. As I got reports from my doctor and nurses that the chemo was affecting the cancer and I was responding so well that they were hardly able to believe it, I concentrated on the inner battle, setting my mind to imagining a Viking warrior within me, raining blow after blow with his axe on the foul invader within me. He never stopped, never rested, just fought and fought and fought. I did take some heavy shots myself in the battle, once landing in the hospital for 5 days with an infected port which if the infection had settled on my heart valves, I'd have died back in early November. The blood clots in March were another near-miss with Death. I can hardly believe how large the main clot was, starting near the top of my right thigh and extending past my navel to just under my breastbone. I still do not know which lung a smaller clot had settled into. The doctors and nurses couldn't understand how I was able to walk, let alone work in the field and do my pretty much normal routine.
I face a new hurdle tomorrow with colon surgery. Maybe the worst of it will be today when I have to do the dreaded colon prep... a bottle of magnesium citrate, 4 dulcolax tablets, then 255 grams of Miralax. Yum. I bought baby wipes and have 3 full rolls of toilet paper in the bathroom, and the worst may be how my 'roids react to the storm that approacheth... I do not look forward to being stuck in the hospital for 5 to 7 days and hope I get to go home after 3 days if not sooner. I really don't like it there. They come and check vitals at midnight and 4 am and in between those times, some other folks come in to check my bed, check equipment and ask me if I need anything. I doubt it would do any good for me to hang a sign on the door reading: F*** OFF UNTIL THE SUN IS UP! I hope the nurses are hotties, too. I would like to catch a break!
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