69. Silock
Hi, I'm Silock Mclure! You might remember me from such threads I've created as "Do you have a bug out bag?," "Anyone do automated Christmas light shows?," and "knock, knock jokes." Don't remember those threads? That's probably because they're boring as ****.
Today, I'll be giving you a lesson on how to be a member of a message board since 2006 and not leave a single lasting impression. All you've got to do is spend most of your time in the Media Center promoting crappy shows such as The Michael J. Fox show, showing your wonderful taste in music by praising shitty “Jolene” covers by Miley Cyrus, or trying to unload all of your awful outdated media equipment on fellow CP'ers. You want a Mitsubishi DLP projector that I paid $1250 bucks for before realizing it was a piece of shit and a terrible purchase seeing as how I could have gotten an actual High Definition TV for less money? I'll sell it to you for $1000 if you'll just reply to one of my threads. How about a pair of discontinued Klipsch floor standing speakers that look like they're straight from the set of an 80's teen house party movie? I'll sell you mine for $400. Don't worry about the water ring stains on the wood, that's just from my protein shake glass sitting on top of it and sweating into the wood.
Yea, I said Protein shakes. I drink them because I work out, brah. I'm a crossfit pro, bud. You'd know that if your pansy ass spent any time in the Fitness thread. Do you even lift, bro? Me and my boys are throwing up weights all day, bro. You know what they say, “The best way to keep fit is humping and pumping.” Here we are stretching out after an intense leg session last week:
Just check out these numbers:
Bench - 365 max
Deadlift - 505 max
Bulgarian Split Squat - 335 max
Military - 275 max
5'11", 185
That's right, I said Bulgarian Split Squat. I bet your candy ass doesn't even know what that is, because you've never seen the inside of a gym, brah. Don’t believe those numbers? Check out this recent video of one of my home workouts:
That was just a straight squat rep. My favorite exercise is just the normal bench press. Especially when my buddy LewDog spots me. He wears super baggy shorts and doesn't always wear underwear, so every once in a while I get a quick peek at Big Dick and the Twins. It's added motivation.
I’ve even got my younger brother working out:
That’s my mom at the end of the video. She doesn’t lift, but she makes the best strawberry protein shakes this side of Lee’s Summit. Don’t worry about the fish tank my brother broke, I’ve been thinking of switching to a Saltwater rig anyways.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to down a whole bag of oranges and critique peoples form in the fitness thread. Remember, “Curls for the Girls, guys. Curls for the girls!”
Side note: I'm number 69, huh?