Biggest Regret(s) of Your Life
 

Young guy at work has kinda taken a liking to me lately. He found out about my “former life”, and he’s been filled with questions and always chatting me up.

He’s a good kid; bright, handsome, and hopefully doesn’t fall into the trappings of life before he even has a chance to get started.

At any rate…. While sharing some stories, I fell upon one that turned into my total regret, combined with rummaging around in some old boxes where I found a few “treasures”, an old photo of my dad with me and my siblings. Been looking for that photo for a long time, and it’s more special after my dad’s passing a few years ago. Found my old Blockbuster member card. An old flyer from my band of 20+ years ago. A huge chunk of ticket stubs from movies and shows I went to from the early 2000’s. And a buttload of old call sheets from the first movie I worked on. Then I found an unopened card/letter that was meant for Spencer Grammer. My heart sank.

I briefly dated her in 2001/2002. We worked together at first, and I was her trainer. We had immediate rapport and chemistry in spite of our age difference. She was only 18 and I was 25. We’d worked together for several weeks before I discovered she was a star’s daughter. Was a busy Saturday and I’m working the info stand, customers everywhere, and I’m locked in on the search computer when I hear her familiar voice, “Hey Tom! Just wanted to say hi! And this is my dad!” I no longer than have the words, “hey Spence”, out of my mouth and there’s Frasier ****ing Crane. Oh. Right. Grammer. Well **** me…

Things were pretty much normal for the next several weeks as we worked aside each other. We were closing together one night and it came up that I had a bootleg DVD of Royal Tennenbaums. She hadn’t seen it, and asked if we could hang out together after work and watch it at my place. Folks, I had reservations knowing her age, but **** it, it’s just watching a movie, right? Well, we’re about 30 minutes into the movie and she puts the moves on me, flat out asking if she can kiss me. So yup. You can imagine how that played out. And it played out again several more times over the following weeks. And it was great. We got along perfectly. No games, no arguments, just pure chemistry.

And then she was going to take off to NYC for a couple months for classes…. And during this time I ran across an online article with her and her dad and according to the site, she was only 16 years old. I FREAKED. I ghosted her completely. She’d call, I never answered. Emails. Nope. Finally talked to her after hearing she was in a serious car wreck and I told her that we couldn’t see each other anymore. Well, turns out the online article’s dates were wrong, she was in fact 18 turning 19, and while it was maybe a slightly inappropriate age gap, it wasn’t illegal, and I wasn’t a sicko getting hunted by the FBI.

I ****ed up. Colossal **** up. I’ve found love a few times since. Plenty of relationships. Nothing has ever worked out. And now I’m middle aged and still single. I haven’t obsessed about her or thought too much about it, but yeah, I regret how that played out. I was naive, listening to my friends too much and not trusting myself enough at that time. I’ll never know if we could’ve continued to be a couple, but I’ll be damned if I haven’t had several moments of wondering what could have been.

Second worst regret…. I’m ashamed to admit I got a DUI after graduating college. Was on my way from the bars with a buddy to grab a bite to eat and “sober up”, but I was driving 7 over the limit, got popped, and spent the night in the pokie. Mom picked me up the following day and her favorite cousin had died the same day. I wished the world would just swallow me up. I spent a good chunk of all the money gifts from graduating college on paying fines, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more ashamed in my life.


So what about you CPer’s? What are your most regrettable moments?

Made the big trip from the UK to Kansas City last November. Didn't take a shit in Kohl's. Devastated.

Getting married. What a colossal waste of time and effort that was.

Nothing, wouldn't change a damn thing. Every dickhead I had to deal with built my character and lead me to be the man I am today. Every skank I wasted time on lead me to my incredible wife, and every shitty job I had to drag myself through lead me to my current role running a $10 million dollar company with my best friend of 20+ years. Maybe I've just been incredibly blessed, but it sure as hell didn't feel that way for a long time until I changed my perspective. I truly believe the universe/God (take your pick depending on your beliefs) has a plan for everyone. I saw a great quote recently about the perfection and uniqueness of even the smallest snowflake; if the universe/God puts that kind of work into a tiny snowflake, what makes you think your life is any less significant? You're walking the path you're meant to.

I'm a big believer in the butterfly effect. That chick you're thinking of likely would have just ended up breaking your heart. If you didn't get that DUI, maybe you keep drinking and driving on the regular and end up killing someone or yourself. Hell, maybe it even happens a little bit down the road if that cop doesn't stop you. You really have no clue.

I realize we're all first world Americans living better than 99% of all humans who ever existed and to many people suffering, this would all sound like bullshit, but it's how I've centered myself and stopped dwelling on the past, which I used to do quite a bit. Live in the moment and believe you're meant to be where you are, and your life gets so much better.

Being a Royals fan, especially now.

Reading that long ass OP is up there for me

Not spending more time with my parents and telling them I loved them more often when they were alive….#****CANCER

Selling some of my old cars and trucks.

Telling Gordon Vadakin I couldn’t join the WSU Bowling team in 94-96 because I have to drink when I bowl.

Dumb AF kid shit…

Super interesting story Gaby. Sucks that you were misinformed, but your instincts took you down the right path I think. If you even had a whiff of someone being underage you run like hell IMO.

I agree with what Wisconsin Chief said there, that every decision I've made, good and bad, has led me to where I am, and where I am isn't bad at all.

But if I could go back and make a different decision to save myself a lot of grief and anxiety, I wouldn't have gotten married just because I thought it's what I was supposed to do. I had dated a lot of ladies and was not finding anyone compatible. Until I came across my ex wife. Educated, great job, we got along great, good family situation. So I figured marriage was what I should have done. It ended in cold and bitter divorce after only a few years. The whole process was so invasive and had me losing hair, sleep, and a LOT of money. It was the worst couple years of my life.

But like I said, it got me to where I am now.

Since we really don’t know what other flaps of the butterfly wings would happen had you gentlemen not endured what you experienced, I don’t imagine regret does you much good.

Like those cool books where you pick your storyline, I wouldn’t mind seeing some re-enactments of what my life would have looked like with different choices.

But purely out of scientific curiosity.

To be fair, this Gordon Vadakin guy sounds like he was the one in the wrong.

My biggest regret, well change I may make, isn't really a negative as I have had a great life, career, family, etc. However, I absolutely love football and after playing in college I had a chance to coach or pursue a career with my Econ major. At the time, early 90's, coaching wasn't a lucrative career path and was a long road. I have had a very successful and lucrative career, but also coached HS football for 20 years and absolutely loved the process, breaking down film, game prep, in game strategy and adjustments, and helping young men reach their potential. I believe I could have been really successful as a coach and the money today is nuts, however, I have no complaints and continue to look forward, not backward.

First marriage. Moving to Illinois.

I would say marrying my first wife (now referred to as "The Practice Wife") but I love my children too much to say that. I will say staying in that toxic relationship for so long. Life is too short.

My first marriage. We dated 4 years in college and it was just expected that we were going to marry. Both of us knew it was a bad idea, but neither of us said anything. It ended badly. I wouldn't say the time dating in college was a waste, but it took several years after the divorce for me to get past it.

Fortunately we didn't have time to have kids.