What's your worst "oh shit" moment...
 

Failing to show up for an interview? Over sleeping on your wedding day?

What's your worst or most embarassing "oh shit" brainfart?

having mom walk in on one of my "special" private moments... :doh!:

Saying "I DO" on my first wedding day. :banghead:

Oh Gary! You told me you were combing your hair!

ROFL

Amen brother.

I'm sure we'll get Kyle, Phil and Russ to chime in on this one. :D

About 10 years ago, I had a 160 acre farm and I raised 300 Angora goats. I also had a greenhouse where I raised hydroponic tomatoes (among other things). One day, after working in the greenhouse for an hour, I came out to go to the house and saw it emerged in flames. Lost everything. A truly "Oh, Shit" moment.

About 10 years ago, I had a 160 acre farm and I raised 300 Angora goats. I also had a greenhouse where I raised hydroponic tomatoes (among other things). One day, after working in the greenhouse for an hour, I came out to go to the house and saw it engulfed in flames. Lost everything. A truly "Oh, Shit" moment.

My high school sweetheart's dad came home from work and caught me and her sister naked in the closet, we hid in the closet and he walked right up to it and opened it. I still cringe when I re-live that moment.

that's more than just "oh,shit"


that's a GOD DAM,MOTHER ****ING,cocksucking son-of-a-bitch moment

:doh!:

:eek:ouch!!

Yep, and a month later my wife of 24 years ran off with an 18 year old.

jeezus man.. :eek: Are you sure you didn't just hear about this in a country song?

don't worry, we didn't stay together long





i left when i found out she was just using me for the sex



o:-)

Nah, wasn't you. This kid didn't make it out of high school and she spent a lot of time visiting him in jail. He liked to steal cars.

I can top that…

Back when I was still in college and home for the summer me and a bunch of buddies got shit-faced and decided to shave our heads.

After about 3 more quarts of Yuengling I got dropped off and decide to lie on the couch and watch the booby channel for a little while. One thing lead to another and next thing ya know I’m in bed with Rosie and her five sisters.
Apparently I passed out before I finished.

Next thing I known its 5:00am and I’m waking up to my mom throwing sneakers at me yelling “wake up and go to bed!” and “what the hell did you do to your head”.

I was passed out on the couch spread eagle with a soft-core porn playing on the TV, a shaved head, my shorts and underwear around my ankles and pecker in my hand.

It was never brought up again.

Is that you George Costanza?

ok.. I'll play.

I dated one girl all through HS. She came over one night when my parents were away... and sometime during the festivities, I tucked her panties into my pillow case.

The next day, my little brother gathered up all the pillows in the house. He was playing with his ninja turtles, and the pillows were mountains. When he was done, the pillows didn't get put back on the right beds. (I'm sure you can see where I'm goin' with this)

My mom was a rather large woman. When she found a pair of tiny teal blue french-cut panties in my dad's pillow case, she was rather upset. She litterally screamed my name... and I came running in, wondering what was going on. There she was in tears.. and she says, "Please tell me you know where these came from." She was totally conviced my dad had cheated. I blurted out.. "Yeah, mom. They're Shelley's."

I lived at the gf's house for 3 weeks afer that. To this day, she doesn't believe it didn't happen in her bed.

Car accidents are fun.

One time I woke up as I drove my car into the rear-end of another.

Then there was the time I found out I had a bad front-right tire in the rain. I had plenty of room in my OWN lane but I hydroplaned into the lane next to me and rear-ended another guy.

Coast HWY 1 on a crotch rocket somewhere north of San Fran and South of fort bragg. I was whipping around cars on a very twisty stretch of black top. Well I hit a very low speed switchback at a speed that was just not possible for the curve. Needless to say I wadded up my bike and I physically bounced off of a tree. Luckily my ass slid along the ground long enough to scrub off the physical speed of said ass and the impact of the tree was just enough to make me awfully sore for about a month.

It took a couple of the folks I had recently passed to help me get my bike back up to the road. I had to ride all the way back to San Fran with a bent up bike. To top it off on the way back I got a freaking speeding ticket in the little town of Ukiah.

Can't top some of these, but I'll play.

1. When I was about 6, I was climbing a friend's treehouse ladder. It was poorly put together, with nails sticking out. I expressed concern to my friend, who dismissed it, so I took one step up and ... felt a tugging near my right knee. Took a few stitches to close, after the ER folks got the bleeding to stop.

2. Late after prom night, I took my gf/future wife back home to ... well, you know, it was prom night. My sister was spending the night at a friend's house, and since she had a waterbed, we went in her room. I figured my folks were sound asleep (this was like 2 a.m.). Well, a few minutes into it, the cat started scratching at the door to come in. We ignored it, but it was enough to wake Mom, who opened the door to let the cat in and ... quickly closed it.

I don't ride bikes but a buddy of mine once told me "You ride them awhile, then they ride you awhile". Almost everyone who rides bikes will testify to this.

Bwhahahahaha. I'll bet your mom thought you were wrasslin.

Yeah there are those of us who have crashed and those who are going to!

:LOL: Yeah, I grew up on the Oklahoma/Kansas border. That same buddy told me he started wrecking in Oklahoma and wrecked clear up into Kansas.

I was 36 and wanted to revisit my youth so decided to go tubing at the largest hill in town.Once at the top a few of the teenagers dared me to go off the snow ramp they had built about halfway down.

No problem I thought,I'll show these kids.

Long story short,I got got a good run,dove on top the innertube and was off,picking up speed rapidly.

When I hit the ramp I lost what little grip I had on the slick tube and as I went airborne a good 6 foot the tube went one way and Nzoner the other.As I recall I yelled something like Oh Shit and I was falling towards the snow packed hill.I put out my arm to break the fall which caused my elbow to get jammed into my ribcage and ending up cracking 3 ribs.

It's my second week on the job....I'm attending a demo of a bolt-on software package that the company is considering buying for the Credit Department. I knew more about the software and it's capabilities than the salesperson because we had used it at my previous company and was not the least bit impressed with it then.

After the salesperson finished the presentation, I preceded to hit the guy hard with all the questions about compatability, functionality, and support....you could tell he was taken back. I recounted the problems that i had encountered at my previous employer, and his collar was getting tighter......

After he left we were having a discussion...the Director of IT and 2 members from his team, VP of Finance (my boss), the Compliance and Deductions Manager, 2 people from Logistics, and 2 people from my team. I listened to everyone give their opinion acting as if they had just discovered gold, and decided I couldn't take it anymore. So when it came my turn to speak, I let go.....ending my diatribe with: "I'm not sure who did their research on this program, but you did a pretty poor job of it....."

The person: MY BOSS....

mmaddog
*******

:hmmm:

Reminds me... driving with a friend to Pennsylvania on Memorial Day weekend... driving in the single worst downpour I had ever encountered while behind the wheel just outside of St. Loser.... about midnight/1am... The rain starts to let up as we're entering the city, and in one instant I see a pool of standing water just ahead, and in the next instant the car in front of me slams on his breaks... losing control, and hits the barrier to my left.... That's not the "Oh shit!" moment... he then comes back across the 3 lanes, nearly taking me out with him. I clearly remember the choice word being "F!!!".

----

This is a minor "Oh shit!" for me, but this one guy had like 10 of them... coming home from Maryville one day... in the left lane of the 2 lane highway... with a few cars in front of me, and a few to the side of me... all of a sudden, I notice the SUV a few cars up change lanes real fast.... then the next one swerved over, then the one in front of me. Obviously, going 70 mph, it all happens within a second, so I've barely slowed down by the time I see a huge spare tire in the middle of my lane. The car in front of me had cutoff someone to the side of me, so the only place to go was shoulder/grass to the left.

As I was making back onto the road, the car that had originally been in front of me was heading back into the left lane... I was ready for it, and hit the breaks.... I was fine, but while he was in between lanes, he looks over his shoulder, sees me, and proceeds to turn his wheel 90 degrees to the right. I could see why he would be freaking out, but when you're going 60 mph, it's not wise to do that. He ends up hitting another car and causing a 3 or 4 car wreck.

so you were fooling around IN THE CLOSET with your high school sweethearts sister?
:doh!:

Easy.

The incident with the ex-Lt. Governor of Kansas' daughter.

yeah, i had to rep him on that also... I just hope his mom didnt hit him where it hurts with one of those sneakers.

Here's two lame stories for you.

-Well in terms of driving a car... the worst was one time when I was driving, 55 mph, US highway (4 lane, divided highway) near my hometown... I'm coming up on this area where another road merges into mine so I get in the left lane. Well this idiot in a semi-truck comes flying up and passes me on the right side as we cross where the roads merge. That's no big deal... but probably 500 feet (if that) ahead of the merge was a little "access" road for police officers to use and whatnot. This semi has about passed me halfway when he decides that he HAS to attempt a U-turn on this access road and turns his blinkers on and slides over immediately while slamming on his brakes. I just completely hammered the brakes to the floor and just barely avoided getting clipped right off the road as this guy (to his driving credit I guess) pulls off a U-turn at like 45 mph to head the other way. I don't even know how I did it, it was just a reflex reaction.

-If you want my Wile E. Coyote moment... back when I was in high school(?), maybe jr. college... I was at home trimming trees because they were hanging down over the satellite and messing up reception. I was using this old wood ladder that has always been pretty sturdy. Well I was up there on the 2nd step from the top trimming away when I thought I heard a cracking sound. I trimmed a little more and heard a louder cracking sound. Next thing I know, the entire ladder just implodes. I levitate in the air for a second, turn and look at the camera, a thought bubble with an exclamation point appears over my head, and then I fall 500 feet down and you see the little puff of smoke at the bottom of the canyon. Well, not really, but that literally was a split-second moment where you think "Oh ****!!!" then fall about 10 feet and land flat on your back. All that remained of the ladder was about 15-20 chunks of wood, it had completely shattered like you'd dropped a bomb on it. Lucky I didn't break anything, but I was sore for days.

My current wife and I are separated but we are supposed to be working it out.

A few weeks ago in the heat of an argument I instictively called her by my ex-wifes name.

Needless to say we are still separated :banghead:

Clearly an oh-shit moment.

It happened in December 2003/January 2004, where we had a near-blizzard conditions in the state of Kansas. My brother, who is deaf, goes to Kansas School for the Deaf in Olathe, so I was responsible for taking him and his friend to Olathe every Sundays to get him back to school. Well the school contacted me and told me to bring them back on Monday due to inclement weather.

Monday I went to take them up there, despite blowing snow and high winds. On the way back from Olathe, on I-35 to Emporia, it was dark, snowy, ice spots, you name it. I was going 45 for my own safety, and a f**ktard was going 75-80mph on a icy road, and when he attempted to pass me, nearly clipped me on the side while speeding by me. I nearly lost control of the school van, and hit a ice spot, spun the van sideways, literally taking up both lanes of the Interstate, and I was literally screaming "OH SHIT! OH SHIT!" while trying to get the van under control.

"Son, we're going to have to perform a biopsy"

"On what"

"Your testicle"

"What do you mean?"

"We have to examine it, determine what kind of cancer you have so we can treat you correctly"

"So, you put it back when you're done, right?"

Silence...

"Oh, shit."

Goddamn that post literally made me laugh out loud!

Especially the... "It was never brought up again" part.

ROFL

I've had A LOT of these moments in my time.

One summer in high school me, my brother and 2 friends used to steal my mothers car and go out raising hell. We used to go and peel out in this dudes yard leaving large ruts ALL OVER his yard. We destroyed that yard and did it almost every night of that summer. Finally, we got bored just leaving ruts and I (the driver) decided to run over the mail box, after hitting the mail box we decided that was lots of fun so we got out the car jack and starting playing a little mailbox baseball. When we got home there 3 cop cars waiting at my house. I backed up to evade and another cop car pulled up behind and the cops all drew their guns. We all freaked out. It seems that one of the people who's mailbox we destroyed was able to get my tag number. I didn't learn my lesson at the time though because they questioned a friend in another car and for some reason it just struct me as funny watching my friend sitting there all solemn getting questioned and I had to stifle my laughter. The cop questioning me got all bent outta shape that I wasn't taking the situation seriously. Luckily, we were all turned over to our parents custody. I took the heat and got probation.

Only time in my life I've ever had multiple firearms pointed at me. I guess I'm real lucky those cops weren't trigger happy.

Alright, so one time me and some cousins were setting off fireworks. Well, just so we would have to pick up a lot of the trash later, we were asked that if we make bottles, cans, etc. explode, that they be left in a bucket while exploding. Now, I'm pretty good with turning small fireworks (M-80's, bottle rockets, Black Cat firecrackers) into more than decent explosions. Well, I had created a "popcan bomb" with smokebombs, a couple M80's, and a few bottle rocket heads. As I've always done with these kinds of things, I stuck a bottle rocket in so that when it would launch out, it'd set everything else off. Everything goes according to plan, there was a big explosion, and half of the can went flying into the air (it was missing the top piece, which we never found). Well, a bottle rocket head had fallen out and none of us knew about it. We started a new bomb that didn't fly out of the bucket, but did light the bottle rocket head, which jumped out of the bucket and went after one of my cousins. I have absolutely no idea how he was able to do this, but he jumped out of its way just before it hit the shed behind him, bounced off, and exploded about 6 inches away from his foot.


---

Another time, there was a display with plenty of artillery shells (fireworks, nothing military) and one of the tubes tipped over right after being lit...fell on a bale of hay and exploded. Luckily, we got a bucket of water before too much damage was done.

When I was in so much agony from constipation for a couple of days and couldn't get relief! That was, "Oh $hit!" or was it "Oh, NO $hit!"

:p

WARNING ADULT CONTENT:

I was a senior and my girlfriend was a sophomore. We used to do it at her house all the time because her parents would be gone alot. One time I brought the polaroid over and thought it would be great to get a few sexual shots. Any way I took one from above with her on her knees with my schlong in her mouth. We stashed the pictures in her hope chest in a book.

I didnt think much about them again until the school play came around. She had a part in it and she grabbed some books from her hope chest for props in the play. Any way during practice for the play, her Teacher/Director played the part of the lead and took a book and opened it on stage as called for in the script.

Anyway the sex pictures fell out and the one I took from the top skidded off the stage. Anyway there was quite a gasp from the small crowd and my girlfriend ran off stage totally emabarrased. I just sat their kind of stupid looking.

Car stories appear to be the most popular form of the "oh, s***" genre, so I'll toss in my own.

I went to lunch with a couple of coworkers back when I was working at another company, and I was in the front passenger seat as we were coming back. Our office was on a very busy street, and traffic was completely backed up, blocking the street where our driver needed to make a left turn. People politely left a gap in all three lanes so she could cut through.

Unfortunately, there was a fourth lane, which was a turn lane that was wide open. As our driver cut through the three blocked lanes, I said, "I think there's another -" and then we were in the fourth lane, and all I could see was the grill of a truck heading straight into me. That truck is seared - seared - into my memory.

Fortunately, our driver accelerated just enough where the truck hit the rear passenger door instead of my front passenger door. Everything that I could hit messed up a body part. I broke a rib on the armrest, got a concussion from the side of the roof, and in a bit of bad luck, the little handle to roll the window up and down caught me in the knee. It didn't break the skin, but the internal bleeding turned my whole leg a nice brownish-black from my knee to my ankle.

That split-second view of the truck coming in was my 'oh, s***' moment.

Reminds me of the time I had intestinal blockage. After about 5 days or barking and no pooping, I went to the doctor, and while I lay on the eamination room table, he pressed against my abdomen in a few places. I pressed there as well, and we must've moved the bubble or something... I ran to the men's room to no avail. I walked out of the clnic commando style.

S. Calif., 1978, getting discharged from the military soon. 2 buddies and I decide to grab some beer and see the sights around town and the area one last time. The beer mostly gone we stop to drain the main and notice a rear tire, left side looks a little ragged from driving over something on those desert dirt roads. Influenced enough and a little tired we decide to let it ride and change it back at the base. Getting back on the pavement we drive a few miles and are rounding a right-hand curve when the left rear blows swerving us over to the guard rail. I jerk the wheel to straighten up, hit the rail at an angle ( it's one of those low type, more for marking the edge rather than stopping cars) and we vault over it. Speed was around 55 mph. Down below is the main interstate between LA and Vegas. Impact hit my forehead against the steering wheel and I see stars and black. As we turn upside down, I remember thinking to myself; "it sure is taking a long time to hit the ground". Still groggy from the forehead smack, I hear in the background metal crunching and glass breaking. We had finally landed, straight down on the roof after sailing over a 60 ft embankment more like a cliff than a slope, smashed the roof flat, making it even with the trunk and hood, seat belts helped keep me and the guy in front stationary, only broke my collar bone and the other guy slightly cracked his sternum. GI in the back thought wearing your belt was sissy and never did - almost died, in a coma for 3 weeks (he recovered) and got me nailed with a very serious time before the judge. My BAT was below legal limit but the extenuating circumstances (the auto accident) got me arrested and the fact that I had to use an over-worked public defender got me nailed in court to no jail time but a black mark in the file and some long term probation. Never went back to California after that.

Oh yea, when we landed it was upside down, on the highway shoulder, facing the wrong way and 20 feet in front of a highway patrol car monitoring traffic! We both had an "oh shit" moment. Needless to say we had help right away. Naturally they had to pry the doors open to get us out and I can still remember somebody asking "everybody OK in there?" before the fire department showed up with extraction tools. I almost answered "sure buddy, just a little tire problem" but it didn't seem wise after a little hesitation.

I was between two Mexican gang members with large knifes, and the guy they wanted to kill.........

Years ago a buddy and I were going down the road in his 4 wheel drive. Anyway the wing window is making noise so I start stuffing match books in the handle. He is busy handing them to me and I look and he was headed right into a colvert. I tell him to watch out he over steers and we go into a roll. I recall looking out the window as the road was jumping up at me........oh shit!

New guy on the job as IT support for a hospital pharmacy department ... first assignment was to work on the department director's new notebook installing this and that, etc. Finished the job and set the computer in its docking station up about 6 feet on a stack of boxes containing new systems for distribution. Did some other tasks then went to pull the unit down ... grabbed the docking station, the notebook wasn't secured and it slipped out. I watched in slow motion ( my hands were full of docking station ) as the $3000 notebook spun to the ground, hit the tile by the corner and pieces scattered around the room. Case was destroyed, display was fractured and it still booted! I survived that to work there 6 more years however it was a tense moment walking into his office with the computer. I started off with "Well I've got the new software installed ......"

Something happened at work today that made me think of this thread....

I scanned a couple of documents and was in the process of e-mailing them to my boss (who is from Chicago and a Cubs fan). While this was going on, we were in the middle of a Cardinals v. Cubs smaquefest, which, like most Cardinals v. Cubs smaquefests, ends with the Cubs fan having to switch sports to basketball and bring up the Bulls when the subject of championships arises :shake: ). Anyway, when I e-mailed the documents to him, in the subject line I typed "Here are your documents, loser."

Well, my boss doesn't notice this, and simply forwards these documents on to the CLIENT WITH THE SUBJECT LINE INTACT. So our client, who is waiting for the documents in question, gets an e-mail entitled "Here are your documents, loser."

:doh!:

So later, I hear my boss explaining to client that he, in fact, is the loser in question, not the client. :banghead: And of course, the error was pointed out to my boss by his boss, our department head. :banghead:

oops.....

ROFL

Nothing really came of this - the client thought it was funny. But I think I'll steer clear of the department head for a couple of days.

ROFLROFL that's hilarious. I'm glad he had a sense of humor...

Without reading I should have been mentioned with the "washing machine". Hurt me, hurt my pride. :deevee:

Back in the 70's I had a part time job parking cars at Scarlett O'hara's (Disco a long time ago) on Southwest Trafficway by the Plaza. Seems that a guy who was a non-caucasion had attempted to gain entry into the bar but was denied by Joey, the doorman. (Joey, guy with 28" biceps who, like all the "management" had strong family ties with folks from Italy).

Anyway, it must of pissed off the guy who was trying to get in cause a few minutes later I see this ball of fire come flying across SW trafficway and hit the front of the building and explode in flames.

So, like a dumbshit, I walked out onto the sidewalk and was looking over where the bomb came from when I turn around and see Joey and the other "management" folks holding a variety of guns while I'm right in the middle of it.

That was the "Oh $HIT" moment as I dove back into the parking garage and hid behind a concrete barrier while the bullets flew around.

The other time was when we were driving down I-70 and pop over a hill to see one of those orange signs saying: "Narcotics checkpoint ahead".

Oh $hit!!!

Funny stuff. Imagine the look on his face when he hit "send" and realized there was no way he could take it back. ROFL

I was 16 years old with 3 buddies a 2 cases of Miller Ponies in a 1976 vega. We're headed for Springfield to a movie. We were flying down the road as fast as a 1976 Vega can take us, we come up over a hill and we hear a loud swoosh as we pass by a big black object, then another and another when we realized a herd of Angus cattle had gotten out and were all walking around on the highway. Being good semaritons we decide to get out help farmer John (not his real name) round up his cattle. Suddenly we see lights coming over the hill, we hear tires squeal, a loud boom and MOOOO. Then we see more lights more tires squealing and more MOOOO's it was like a horror movie. By the time we were done 3 cars and 3 large steers were totalled.

Ok, I’ll play. This isn’t exactly My O-shit moment, but I was “indirectly involved” Deserves telling.

My little brother and a friend decided they were going to tag team this girl when mom was at work. Well just about the time they were all undressed and starting too gets their freak on, they hear the garage door opening. Of course, they all start freaking out and decide to throw the naked girl into the closet just before my mom opens the door to the room.

You can just imagine the look of horror on my Mom’s face looking at my little brother and his friend standing butt ass naked together. All of a sudden my little brother grasps what mom is thinking and yanks the girl from the closet. My Mom went from “My son is a flaming Homo” too “That dirty little SOB, I’m going to kill him”. Bro and friend just start running around the house as Mom is chasing them and then I enter the picture just as they run out the front door naked with only there pants and shoes in hand.

Now, of course this is the funniest shit I’d ever witnessed in my young life. Then mom proceeds to tell me what happened and asked if I could take the young girl home. Being a good boy, I said no problem at all Mom. Ended up nailing the chick before I took her home and I’ve rubbed it my brothers face ever since.

How old was everyone at the time? :spock:

man.... so many.... can't... decide, I'll choose a couple and keep them shortish

driving down I-90 at 4AM at about 95mph to visit my girlfriend not drunk, but I had enough in me to be illegal at 15 years old (on a learners permit) I see headlights behind me and of course decided to speed up (NO ONE passes me on I-90!) I'm going as fast as my 89 camaro can take me (120-125ish downhill with a tail wind ;) and this car frikken passes me, I look over in disbelief as a Rapid City Sherriff throws on his dome light and pumps his hand signaling me to slow down as he mouths "SLOW THE F*** DOWN!" I slammed on the breaks and hit the next exit... I wasn't in Meade county yet, I think he was waiting until I crossed the county line to pull me over and fry me.

Fell out of a tree after my older cousin hit me with a good sized rock and cracked my back over a 2X4 nailed between the crotch of the tree. Lost all feeling in my body from the neck down, and couldn't move my legs at all for a while, took a few minutes to get my legs working again... using my arms to crawl to the house (my cousin ran away) I was screaming at my grandma for help but the wind was knocked out of me. I rode to the hospital in an ambulance (one of 3 trips in an ambulance for me) total damage was a bruised kidney. thinking you are paralyzed for life is the second scariest event in a youths life.... right next to hearing "I... umm... missed my period" (that one happend TWICE.. luckily it was just late)

Cliff diving at a place called Jenny Gulch. I was 12 years old and it was my first time there. Everyone told me that if I looked down over the big cliff before I jumped I would chicken out, I said okay then I just won't look. I get a good running start and leap straight off the cliff. What they didn't tell me is if you jump straight out you have to clear a grouping of rocks that go a good little bit out, as I'm looking down at these boulders In my head I'm screaming "I'm gunna die!" to reaffirm what my head was thinking my friend from the top of the cliff looks down and yells "You're gunna diiiiiiiiiiiiie!!!" luckily my madly flailing arms did the trick, scraped my ass up pretty good but I lived to dive another day.

10 years old, had a full grown horse rear completely over on top of me, cracking my ribs and bruising my kidney for the first of three times. still don't know how I was impaled on the saddlehorn. When I got out of the hospital I was hoping to ride the buck right out of that damn horse, but he didn't have any left in him.

diving another day I decided I'd do a backflip off the 50 foot (I think, maybe only 40) cliff so that my pussy friend would jump off it regularly... I end up back flopping, knocking myself unconscous, and bruising my kidney yet again. which was pretty cool because it meant I was spitting up blood, and being an old hand at bruised kidneys as the bikini clad older women were freaking out I got to say in my best joe cool voice "ah, it's no big deal... just bruised my kidney, done it before" my entire backside was all bruised up very...very painful.

that's not quite half of my been hospitilized or my life is about to end as I know it stories. but I have a feeling I've wrote more then any of you are interested in anyways.

Rep...

I'd say about 16 or 17.

Long one from the first Gulf War...
 

I'm on my tank; my unit is blazing away at Iraqi vehicles and calling in artillery. One of my platoons spots a ZSU-23/4 (a tracked anti-aircraft system) behind a hill and way beyond direct fire range, so I tell my Fire Support Officer to try a Copperhead shot. Copperhead is a 155mm artillery round that homes in on a laser designator. The Fire Support vehicle lases the target, tells the artillery unit to fire, the Copperhead round steers toward the laser spot, and no more ZSU-23/4.

Anyway, there's a whole lot of dust and smoke building up in the engagement area by the time the FSO calls the mission. He calls "Shot, over" to indicate the Copperhead round was fired by the artillery unit ~10km away. About 20 seconds later, he calls "Splash, over" to indicate the round is going to hit in a few seconds. My gunner and I are watching the ZSU through our sights, but no impact. I ask the FSO over the radio for a status on the mission, and he thinks that because of all the dust and smoke, the Copperhead might not be able to "see" the laser signature, and that the round had probably gone ballistic.

Quickly realizing that my tank was pretty much sitting on a direct line between the artillery unit and the target, I look at my loader the same time he looks at me, we simultaneously say, "OH $%^!", and jump down inside the tank. At the same time we got our hatches shut, we feel a big explosion nearby and hear sand falling on top of the tank.

We pop the hatches and look around to see a smoldering hole about 100 meters behind our tank.

Not funny at all, but a true "OH $%^!" moment.

I once forgot to logon to the planet....

clicked on a thread....

it was then i realized...

my ignore list was not being used...

and i saw a reply from denise...


NOOOOooooooooo...

Back in high school, I was driving my dad's semi truck over to a city about 30 miles away. I went under a 12'2" railroad underpass with a 13'6" trailer at 35 mph. The truck stopped cold within 30 feet. It sounded like 50 panes of glass were being broken directly over my head. The top of the trailer peeled back like a gigantic can of sardines. And lucky me, the local TV news van just happened to be driving by, and I made the 6pm news.
Oh yeah, I had to tell my dad. :cuss:

I don't think it was when the front wheel started sliding on the bike, and probably not when the rear wheel started sliding a second later in a different direction, it wasn't even when the bike tried to straighten itself up, but I think when I saw the headlight of the bike from the opposite side I was just on, that was a real "Ohhh Shit!!!".

ROFL

Ok, I'll play and this is my first post here so WOOT.



Back in 1987, terrible Kansas ice storm, 3+ inches of ice, icy rural roads, etc, outside my parents house knocking off icicles. I had left my gloves inside and my hands were cold, so I placed them in my front jacket pocket as I walked across the the sidewalk. I felt myself falling forward and couldnt pull my hands out of my pockets fast enough. I hit the ice covered sidewalk face first, picked myself up off the ice, and looked down at my feet. I seen my three upper front teeth stuck in the ice. I ran inside, yelled for my mother, we both looked in the mirror and couldnt belive what we seen. The three teeth were severed at the gumline. She called the dentist and I had an emergency surgery and triple root canal that lasted damn near 6 hours.

During my operation, the dentist suggested we try to re-attach the teeth. My mother had driven back home and had to use a pair of pliers to pull the teeth out of the ice. We tried to get the teeth re-attached, but to no avail. I settled for three metal rods placed in my root canals and then three falsies placed on them. The dentist said that when I fell, it had severed the teeth and the nerves at the gumline. The dentist and surgeon also told me that if I ever received another hit like that it would break my front jaw and surgery wouldnt be able to repair it.

Thats my "oh shit" moment.

That had to suck....

Its around 2:30 am a buddy of mine and I had hooked up with a couple other guys to go see the midnight showing of the Rocky Horror picture show at Oak Park Mall. After the movie I am stashing the rest of my beer in the locker for our apartment when I hear my buddy talking to someone. As I poke my head out of the laundry room door a cop flashes a light in my face and tells me to get over there. Well as I had done nothing wrong I went over to him only to find out we were prime suspects in a incidient involving guys dressed like us that turned a car over on its roof. At the time I am 14 and with all the comotion my Mom woke up and noticed I was down with the cops. The OH $hit moment happened when they caught the bad guys in a traffic stop and had to release me to my Mom who drug me up 4 flights of stairs by my ear and threw me across bedroom. Would have rather been arrested.

I've a bunch of these..

...like when a friend convinced me to go floating with him at the lake, even though I couldn't swim at the time, and I fell off of the innertube and instantly sank.

...like when I spun my Gran Torino when I was 16 and put it on top of hedge, with all four tires hanging in the air.

...like when the cops pulled me over (in that same Torino) for a broken headlight - just after the two guys in the backseat finished taking a bunch of bong hits. (Boy ... you been smoking any of that funny stuff?)

...like my second day of basic training (I was 17), I'm standing in my underwear as I turn and realize I just locked my keys in my locker.

...like when my dad walks in on my girlfriend and me in bed.

...like when my girlfriend's (a different one) period was late - and it was for a reason.

...like when another girlfriend (I'm sensing a pattern here) that I worked with left a rather personal note I wrote her on the counter at work for the manager to find.

...like when the mortor we were shooting off on the 4th of July tipped over and sent the mortor across the yard into the orchard next door and set it on fire.

...like when the smoke alarms in our house all went off at 2 o'clock in the morning. Fortunately, it was a false alarm but I don't think my heart has recovered yet.

But the biggest for me happened about two hours ago when my boss told me the company wasn't going to survive and it would be in my best interest to look for another job. No surprise, but it still sucks when finally put into words.

However, a huge "Oh, shit" moment for someone else is going to happen when the azzhole who is sueing us over nothing figures out that he just put his ONLY supplier out of business.

To be honest, I've had a lot more "almost-oh-shit" moments than actual ones, but the one that sticks out as being closest is as follows:

My current wife and I had just broken up after our first stint of dating. It was 1994, I was living in a fraternity house, and the fall semester was just getting ready to start.

We were in some argument about why I broke up with her, and I don't remember everything that was said. What I do remember was my "parting shot" as I was heading out the door. I wanted to leave with some zinger ... something that really sealed the deal.

So, as I had one foot out the door, I said:

"You're fucking psycho ... "

Now, this in and of itself probably would've been fine. Mean and a bit cruel, but fine. I did not, however, feel as though it had the necessary strength or venom for which I was looking. So I decided to add four more words as I closed the door behind me ... just four, simple little words that could really open a wound. Those words?

" ... just like your mom."

As I closed the door, I heard the sound of glass breaking. So, deciding that adding those four little words wasn't nearly stupid enough, I opened the door.

I was greeted with an 8" tall hurricane glass flying--at a fairly high velocity--right at my head.

My survival instinct kicked in and I closed the door fast enough to block the glass from embedding itself in my melon ... but too fast for me to remove my foot from between the door and the door jam.

I broke five bones in my foot, was in an air cast for about a month, and still have a pinky toe of strange and unusual size.

And all because of four little words ...

MM
~~:doh!:

P.S. The Mrs. and I laugh about it now and, it turns out, her mom is much more psycho than the Mrs. could ever hope to be. :)

And as long as you stick with that story, you could live a long, healthy life.

It helps that the Mrs. throws like a girl.

MM
~~:D

Welcome to the planet!

Wouldn't it have been easier to move to Kentucky?

Teh rep

MM
~~ROFL

ALL HAIL R&GHOMER!!!! :wayne: :wayne: :wayne:

When I saw Tubgirl for the first time.

ROFL, Tubgirl, that's classic. Not as bad as goatce though...

Ahh shucks; any red blooded young man would have taken advantage of that golden opportunity.

I did feel guilty for lying too Mom about why it took me so long to drop her off. :deevee: :)

Yes, but just for being lucky enough to get that situation thrown in your lap (no pun intended)....that's godlike luck there.

Yeah, I would feel guilty, too, if I had to lie instead of announcing that I scored to one of the first....10 people I saw afterwards. :D

I've had a few "aw chit" moments but a recent one sticks out in my mind. I was driving my "rig" from upstate New York to New Jersey. I wound up taking the Garden State Parkway. After going through the Toll booths, I glanced in my mirror and noticed a distinct decrease in the number of big trucks on the freeway..as in NONE. At first I really didn't think much of it. Then I noticed that none of the underpasses had bridge heights on them. It finally hit me - no trucks + no bridge heights. The only reason the underpasses would have no signs on them indicating height is if they weren't necessary. I pulled over and checked the atlas and, sure enough, NO TRUCKS ALLOWED on the Garden State Parkway. ooooooops!!!!!!!!!!