Messing with squirrels
 

Someone sent me a video of a back yard contraption intended to mess with squirrels, messing with squirrels. It’s pretty funny.

It occurred to me I have a pile of scrap dimensional lumber, a couple hundred feet of heavy nylon cord, tools, and most importantly, spare time. The back yard fence probably wouldn’t work out well because the back yard is the dog’s space and they’d probably avoid participating in my animal sadism.

Ideally I’d be able to watch while sitting on my front porch in the morning of afternoon. I have a half finished tiki bar and about 50 trees visible from my typical porch perch I can utilize and most importantly, a LOT of squirrels with which to mess.

Shoot me some ideas

A bb gun

I am currently in the middle of an Elmer Fudd level battle to keep squirrels out of my peach tree.

They run along the top of the back fence like a highway. I put 4" ducting soaked in oil across the top but they shimmy across it. I put bird spikes along the top of the fence but they crawl sideways along the edge of the top 2x4 board to get around them like a free climber. I clipped a sheet of plastic to the tree facing the fence. this seems to work so far. I think it freaks them out.

A .22 scoped break barrel pellet gun is the last option, but I can only do it when my family isn't home.

WRONG. Teach your children to murder squirrels or you are in dereliction of duty as a father.

We get them in the yard, but nothing too crazy. I think they have learned that my cats are ruthless. One of the squirrels got to close to the house and ****ed around and found out once.

Once they decide to get under the hood of your car, chew the wiring harness and fuel injection lines, you will no longer see them as cute. You will see them as the fuzzy tailed rat bastards they are. The only good squirrel is a dead squirrel.

Mark Rober?

Bologna sandwich with antifreeze.

https://www.newyorkupstate.com/resiz...L3TK3CLV3U.jpg

This happened to my wife’s SUV. I have a pellet gun that is very effective.

Our yard squirrels are my friends, and I'm very upset right now. In the past two months, we've found two dead squirrels who didn't look unhealthy, and the other day I saw a squirrel that was obviously unhealthy. I don't know if someone is poisoning them or something, but they're ain't done nothin' to nobody and are just trying to live their best lives. We only have five trees on our property, so the squirrel population is not large, just three or four probably, and they're getting wiped out.

I asked the city if I could eliminate them; the response was that I could not kill them. Trap and relocate. Then on the next page, was a statement that animals that were relocated would typically starve. So, it's more human to trap, relocate, release and let them starve than to execute them humanely. Whut?

Vinegar will keep them from chewing on aluminum roof vents. Hopefully they move on to another gnaw toy before a rain washes it away

I dont think the game warden is going to be coming after you if you kill squirrels on your property.

You can be such a knob.

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Yep this is me. I have a trash can beside my bin for horse feed. I mix a 50 lb bag of sunflower seeds and pour in the cheap birdseed with all the other shit.

I throw them and the birds a scoop on the ground and then a scoop and a half in feeders I have in trees.

Don't **** with my squirrels.

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I have over 200 on my property. I live on a 5 acre wooded lot. There does not seem to be many predators, as the population as exploded the last couple of years. I have both red and grey squirrels. They are destructive and can level a garden in about 10 minutes.

Groundhogs are another animal that can destroy just about all vegetation. I am not a dog person, but I keep thinking I should get a yard dog just to kill all these pests.

NO! You need to find yourself as a MAN and SOON. DEFEND YOUR PROPERTY.

If anyone's feelings are hurt in the process they will GROW AS A HUMAN.

Get tired of tree rats running around my property but my daughter gets upset if I say I'm going to eradicate them.

I bet its antifreeze…

That’s the only thing I can figure severed my windshield washer line.

And I didn’t say I wasn’t going to shoot and eat the little ****ers. The fact is, they are here in abundance, and I might as well be entertained.

Try hanging aluminum pie plates in the tree. That works for birds a cherries.

I’ve got two acres wooded. Unfortunately, all I have are the little grey bastards so it takes about 8 to make a decent stew.

Get on Zoom with OP and tell all the children the squirrels must be murdered for the better of both your families.

It takes a village to raise a child.

Get yourself a few boxes of these and let the good times roll. These rounds are literally quieter than a pellet gun. I use them for all my urban squirrel hunting needs.



https://www.nrafamily.org/content/cc...recoil-report/

Bro you are the LAST person I will take any advice from about being a man.

That was extremely fun to watch. Too bad it didn't launch the little bastards hard enough to any actual damage. He should have aimed it at a brick wall about 20 feet away.

I've burned a mouse alive to get rid of it. I'm manlier than you.

Man up and go to war.

Here you go, this guy has some ideas for you.
He's got at least four of these videos so you should have several choices for messing with the squirrels.

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Are you having an affair with a squirrel?

Why just today, my husbandly duties included disposing of a squirrel carcass that suddenly appeared in the backyard. It looked fairly healthy, other than his lower jaw being missing.

There is a squirrel assassin out there.

Are they for hire?

Sounds like someone in your neighborhood is setting out Mentos for the squirrels and someone else is setting out Pepsi.

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Wow.

We had a mouse problem in the dorm at Drury. Bastard would get to your food wherever it was. They wouldn’t do anything about it.

I moved the head of my bed towards the built in desk, laid a trail of donut crumbs to the edge, which led them to jump into a metal trash can where they were incinerated with a can of Right Guard and a lighter.

Then they were crucified on popsicle sticks from the dining hall and displayed on the landing between floors 1 and 2.

After I hung about 50 of the ****ers, they addressed the problem.

Lighting your own farts while doing rodent assplay?

You just moved yourself one tick closer to the Jeffrey Dahmer side of the graph.

If you have a spring (similar to the one on those infant johnny jump up toys) and attach a hook on the end of it, attach it to a limb with the hook on the bottom. Crab an ear of deer corn stick it on the hook and watch the squirrels get it.

What was I supposed to do? The thing was stunned, not dead. I wasn't about to reach over and grab it and have it risk biting me or something. So I emptied the rest of a bottle of hand sanitizer over it's head. I think the shock paralyzed it further. Funny thing about hand sanitizer. It's HIGHLY flammable. It's an even better firestarter than lighter fluid. And I emptied that WHOLE bottle onto the ****ing thing. It was drenched like a sewer rat. Grabbed the box of matches nearby, skritch-skratch, and tossed the flame onto Mousey Denethor. Set a fire in his flesh. He went up like Gondor was calling for aid. But none came. His heart probably exploded because I didn't hear any screeching. The smell lingered terribly for a few days.

These things are pretty awesome. Kudos to whoever invited them.

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Anything like:
Running with the Bulls?
Herding Cats?
Shooting Fish in a Barrell?
Corralling Sheep?
Dances with Wolves?
Wrangling Horses?

I shot a squirrel just to watch him die

"I kissed a squirrel and I liked it, the taste of her acorn Chapstick." Katy the Astronaut

She needs to shut up and show her boobs.

1. Jessica Simpson
2. Katy Perry
3. AOC

Need at least one of those 3 to whip those puppies out..

I have to agree with aoc there as well.

They grill up pretty nice