I need a good explanation for an upcoming scar.
 

This morning I had to shave, and since I follow the Mr. Clean look, I was shaving both my manly beard and my manly head.

I've done it a thousand times and only rarely nick myself. I don't know what happened this morning, but something went badly askew. The razor went rogue and I literally had to pull its twin blades of terror out of my head. It was like removing an axe or an arrow or something, right at the intersection of my somatosensory cortex and my parietal lobe. It went in so deep that I bet it impacted my ability to do math or use a fork or something.

It was a twin-blade razor, so I've got a pair of parallel cuts that are about 3/4ths of an inch long and maybe a quarter-inch apart. If I end up with a scar there for the rest of my life, it won't be impressive to tell people it was a shaving accident.

So keeping in mind the size and shape of the impending scar and its location, what's a good cover story?

You got jumped by 4 bullies that picked on a handicap girl in a wheelchair.


Blowjobs for days

http://schatz.sju.edu/neuro/neurofou...ariet_lobe.JPG

Right or Left Parietal lobe makes a difference. Which one? I pray it wasn't your angular gyrus region or you might have to see me!!!!

How do I explain the shape of the scar? Did they perhaps run over my head when they stole her wheelchair?

Falcon landed on your head?

Swordfight. It's always sword fight.

It's probably pretty spot on with the Postcentral Sulcus on the left side.

And if you have the "right-left confusion", I wonder if you go away thinking that the brain surgery was done on the wrong side.

These are both good. The falcon would have to hit me on the fly to make two linear scars, but I could make that work.

All that much of a cooler story

ROFL

I've seen a craniotomy in that area more than once and those people are usually so confused, that it's be a miracle if something like that could even come up in their cognition.

But I'd just say "cripple fight" if anyone asks you. Then just walk away before they respond.

You were jumped from behind by a ninja wielding a sai in each hand. Your cat-like reflexes enabled you to leap from danger at the last moment, suffering two minor grazing wounds. You quickly dispatched the ninja with your bare hands and then chopped up his body with his own weapons, disposing of the remains in a nearby pig farm. You were tempted to keep the weapons as souvenirs but eliminated them to help hide the trail of evidence.

Well the sorry bastard swung a piece of angle iron at me. He doesn't have to the ability to do that again after the lesson I gave him.

that guy who got bit by a shark seemed to have that kind of cut,

Alien abduction...The scars are where the brain probes were installed. The aliens were so impressed with your intellect that they let you go to be an ambassador to the Earths people.....

These are all good. I might have to add a poll once we get a few more.

Mark of the beast is the only logical explanation.

Battle wound from a viscous carving fork scrape in the great Ryan's roast beef carving station battle of 2011.

Woman scratched you while your were downtown?

Court ordered lobotomy but I escaped and have been on the run every since.

Let my buddy on a dare shoot apple off my head with Bow and Arrow. He grazed me.

I vote this. Or maybe an Eagle? Murica as fuk

Zombies tried to eat my brain.

You got it from doing u-turns under the sheets.

Glancing blow from playing chicken with a Cobra, and the obligatory...

"Ya, but you should see the Cobra"

Throwing star fight.

Tell them you were attacked by a fierce prehistoric dinosaur from an agrarian area, the notorious velocitractor

Mouthed off to oddjob. Had to duck his razor sharp hat. He just nicked me.

You were playing a charity hockey game where it was you vs 8 toddlers. They ganged up on you against the boards. In the commotion you lost your helmet and fell to the ground. That's when lil' Madison kicked you in the head with her training skates.

Blowjobs for days, (from adult women when they hear the story).

Amputee wolverine escaped the animal rescue and you saved its life.

Meat curtain scar from back in college?

...dueling a Combat Wombat!

Space junk.


Aliens implanted probe.

BTW - I have a scar on the back of my head and have no idea where it came from.
At first, I claimed it was from the mange but the ladies didn't take to kindly to that story.
Now, it from a bullet grazing my skull during Falklands war. - Blowjobs for days.

Dove on a live unattended nail gun saving everyone around.

Fyp

I shot Bin Laden in the face. Skull fragments penetrated my helmet.

Rabid ermine.

First person to ever Survive an extreme case of cat scratch fever.

Feeding a pride of lions meat off my head from window of my ride in an African game reserve.

Black bears scare the heck out of me. I wonder if a Grizzly would eat the poop in my pants after devouring my flesh and that of my family.
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com...85a9042568.jpg

Your real name is Reginald Denney.

Fighting a guy who was messing with your woman!

**** yeah! No need for a poll. I do believe we have a winner.

Wait, how do you define "messing"?

You were helping the national guard during the Baltimore riots and took a Molotov cocktail to the head while saving a baby from a burning hair salon.

You were abused by Pat Bowlens son, while trying to save Elways son from beating another woman.

The explanation should include all of the following terms: gearbox, sisters, "earlier than expected", shrapnel, and nightstand. If you can weave "Vietnam" into it the story may even outlive you.

You were swimming in a river and a Piranha bit you.

Banged head on wall after hearing of One Directions appending break up...

You were scratched by the claw of a one-armed man's prosthetic limb while battling to bring him to justice for the murder of your wife for which you were false accused.

The scars are the only evidence of the torture you suffered at the hands of prison inmates and prison guards before the warden took you under his wing and offered you protection due to your extraordinary math skills, which he used to help advance his corrupt schemes involving prisoner slave labor. You were, of course, only in prison due to having been falsely convicted of murdering your wife. Ultimately, however, you escaped the prison and simultaneously managed to provide evidence of the warden's corruption to local authorities and newspapers, resulting in the guards being arrested and the warden committing suicide!


These stories are so amazing, so fantastic, nobody could ever believe you just made them up. Nobody is that creative!

Or banging your head on the wall after being forced to listen to a deaf couple fornicate at all hours and endlessly.

Or, perhaps, the wounds you received while trying to stop an intrepid bike thief who made off with your beloved two-wheeled vehicle, never to be seen again.

Iron Lotus gone bad.

You were in a sword fight.

Get some Aloe Vera and those scars will fade as if there not even there.

Vagina dentata.

I did this once as well. I wasn't quick enough to stop my stroke though. I took a huge chunk off the top of my head. I doubt anyone sees it though since it is on top of my head. I don't think I have ever looked at it since really. Don't know if it left much of a scar or not.

Little know to everyone in your life, you are a part time Mongolian Bird hunter.
You head to the Mountains to get prey to feed to hungry kids in the suburbs.
Yo bird got confused and clawed yo knoggin
http://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/...148c1947cf.jpg

You were on a trip to Burma whereby you got trapped by a giant python who started to swallow you whole beginning with your head, but you were rescued in the nick of time. Those scars are where some of its teeth scraped you. Those are your battle scars for proof. It's an event in your life that will continue to provide you with story-telling material.

I change my vote to this

A frightened kitten stuck in a tree scratched you as you were rescuing it for a small girl in a wheelchair

You live in Denver. Just tell everyone you wiped out going down a double diamond slope.

Thats where they pulled the tendon to shorten your overly long penis so it no longer is a trip hazard.

I'd go with results from a Baltimore vacation.

Bear attack

Tell people thats all 4 ISIS fighters could muster as you took them all out

Or this hazard!

BEP made an intelligent post on ChiefsPlanet and you fell out of your chair in shock and hit your head on the coffee table.

Fought off Banditos in Waco.

Your pet cat, Mr. Squiggles, was too wound up during playtime but gosh darnit you just love the litter bugger and aren't going to hold the attack against him.

Call me old fashioned but I'd be all "I cut myself shaving"

No one's going to believe that. I think I may go with the hawk attack.

You're a Chiefs fan, scar your goatee in a similar fashion and call it good

If I tell people that a hawk clawed me in the face, that probably implies that I have slow reflexes. On the head, I can claim that I was blindsided.

Just put "I cut myself shaving" on your Facebook wall. Since it's on the internet everyone will know it's true.

So, uh, why is Wolverine naked there?

Just admit the truth Rain Man. You are a "carney" on the side in the deep south wrestling alligators at county fairs. And well one of those alligators bit off more than he could chew:p

Too late now, but I'd suggest a good electric razor for the dome. That's what I've been using.

I wasn't around to witness Rain Man and Wolverine's bout to the death, you'll have to ask him.

The Missus goes savage when you go down on her.