tl;dr

Just...kidding.

That wasn't my motive for repping it. patteau pretty much nailed why I repped it in his first line of that fake "excerpt."

So you're saying you suck a mean cock?

I laugh at this great image hootie pie has created for himself.

I own hootie.

Yeah. Want a whirl?

Outside of Adam Carolla, no one RECEIVES oral as good as I do. All the same, I think I'll pass, feather boa or no.

People actually use the rep system for esteem issues? I use it to mark things I like, usually whenever I chuckle. Saves on future use of the search engine.

Rest assured Hootie doesn't.

Rep means nothing to Hootie.

Neither does his perceived status on this board.

And if you doubt this, he'll launch into another full page dissertation explaining exactly how and why rep and status mean absolutely nothing to him.

Ever.

No friend. No I am not. I am a heart patient and in constant need of rest.

Hooties mouth is an adequate penis holster.

I told you. Heart patient. Tire easily.

Sweet. This thread devolved back into a cripple fight. Some of you guys put the reerun in "Hey, look over there!"

exactly

It certainly didn't turn into a "dying breed"

I'm not going to make you beg. Clearly rep means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to you. That's why you talk about it more than anyone else on this board. However, your wish is my command. You won't ever climb out no matter how hard anyone tries. If for some reason you do, I'll just do it all over again.

Oh, and you've got a pretty mouth and no facial hair. You can suck my cawk anytime. I'll tussle your hair and pretend you're Miley Cyrus.

Hootie wishes he had as much action in the CP lexicon as I did. Now go get sodomized by a 400lb man.

:popcorn:

After my surgery I am weak. Is it acceptable in your eyes to be sodomized by 4 100 pound men?

did you hear I knocked a kid over in a wheelchair today?

I chuckled at the wheelchair story. I'm just ****ing with you bro. I'm not offended by the shots at me in this thread. I assumed you were joking. You're good in my book, bro.

How big are u?

Bro. You were a huge rep whore. Huge.

and I talk about rep because it fascinates me how people rep whore one another to make up for some lack of self-esteem that stemmed from some incident in their lives

if I cared about my rep...I'd rep more. Or make a rep thread.

I never rep. Today was the most repping I've done in my entire existence on this board and it was to see if I could get a n00b in the red. I couldn't.

The best poster on this board should be in the red anyways.

Seriously...go dig up the DaFace initial rep post. Your stats were literally embarrassing. If that's what you added to the lexicon, congrats.

5'6"

153 pounds


I am the midget king!!!!!!

lol, I bet he looks like miley cyrus

Oh, no. You know better too. I've added shit tons of material to the CP lexicon. Dying breeds, 400lb sodomizations, and Cassholes are only the beginning. You are one of the top posters on this board, but you'd be a ****ing idiot to act like I'm some window licker that brings nothing to this place. I don't need validation Hootie, so I don't seek it out. I know how ****ing awesome I am.

As far as the rep whore thing, yeah. I really didn't realize it at the time until you brought it up and DaFace posted the stats. But you said were because you know I'm not anymore. I wasn't trying to be one of the cool kids, I was just having fun with it. The Ron Jeremy Rep Stick is still part of CP lore. Because I'm ****ing dope. Just. Like. You. Deal with it.

Hootie is piss on a windowsill

Let the record show that Flopnuts is indeed a greater poster than Hootie, and showed a great amount of restraint in holding back his pimp mod hand this afternoon.

Also please know, Lord Flopnuts, that I know that you know that you are greater than Hootie, and did not require validation from a mere serf like myself. Please do not take my post as any means of disrespect.

You are a gracious servant, and I appreciate your loyalty Lord Huge Balls.

Why is it that I hate everything you type? It's like an Agatha Christie of Gay.

I'm picturing more of a mashup between Chris Crocker and Napoleon Dynamite.

Agatha Christie of Gay. That's funny. Just pointing this out for everyone who can't find anything funny in Diddy's posts.

I appreciate it floppy.

You "get" me

Now the drugs are kicking in and I'm passing out soon.

Your keyboard stamina is inspiring, all things considered.

Keep calm and carry on.

That's actually pretty funny, J Diddy.

I think you should have gone with "JRR Tolqueen" though.

This is funnier.

Anyone have a link to the DaFace rep thread?

bundle of sticksatha Christie?

Shit

ahemmmmm

suggestion

Ian Flaming!

This one was ****ing brilliant. That filter sucks in this instance. (see what I did there?)

I swear I would be great working for comedians or songwriters. I honestly believe I have a talent for editing something good and refining it to reach its full potential.

I had friends working on a group project in college call me one time because they knew what they wanted to say but couldn't quite figure out how to express it. It was interesting to me because I always thought I was good at that sort of thing, but that was the first time I realized that others noticed it.

Articulation and quick wit. A skill you're either born with or not. It simply cannot be taught. And yeah, you definitely have it. Better than I...

Rainman is the master, but I'm good.

I can have someone say something funny to me and then I can tell it back to them in a way that is funnier, and they don't even realize that I just stole their joke.

It's something that separates good comedians from great ones, IMO. Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Louis CK... They're hysterical, but I can tell just how much work they put into each joke. They're naturally talented at finding humor where others miss it, but it's so much more than that. Their delivery, their timing..everything is right. They get the most out of their jokes because they don't settle for simply getting the message across. It's like they grab you and make you see it exactly as they see it...no wasted words...no words that mean sort of what they mean but not exactly... It's work, and it's why they're the best.

Delivery is the single most important aspect of any comedian's routine. Hands down.

I didn't know the mods could post for a poster..... Hi floppy!

SO WHERE'S THE NEXT ROAST GODDAMMIT???

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_8UMV3EWIcH...ted+knight.jpg

We're totally due for one. Come on Saul. Break someone down. Take your time, but hurry the **** up. We need entertainment.

Might do one tonight...no promises. I'm watching the Royals and getting ready to root against the Heat.

I don't know if there's another person on earth who could have pulled off Bring the Pain, possibly Chappelle, but his spliffed out self-amusement doesn't carry the same vibe as Rock's energetic incredulity.

All hail SNR...the board's new rep leader.

Holy shit. Aussie has been here like 8 months is 21 on the list. That's some serious reppiness.

How many victory rep threads has he started?

No clue. Don't care enough to check.

Where do you guys even find these stats?

How do you guys find this rep stats?

I see on mine I've given our 1050 reps and recieved 1550. Is that a normal ration or am I a rep whore? I need some validation or ridicule.

Members List>Reputation

Is the number of 100 post threads still the mark of a good poster? At least it use to be some years ago.

No one should have more rep than Rainman.

Rainman is king of the trolls. He trolls so well, most don't even know he's trolling them. But I see through his facade. I see the man behind the curtain controlling the wizard. I'm no dorthy, no dorthy 'tall.

78. crazycoffey

Hopefully everyone is breathing a sigh of relief seeing that I'm doing coffey's roast rather than hootie. If my roast of big nasty kcnut caused an uproar, a hootie roast of cc would probably spark an international incident. But enough about me and my giant cock...

Crazycoffey has a tendency to blur the lines between CP and real life as evidenced by the fact that he posted Clay's grandfather's contact information in a thread on this very board. You'd think he might know better than to do something like that, but he's a drunk...and an angry one at that. For more evidence of this, look no further than his infamous run-in with our own hootie.

As usual, hootie was minding his own business...objectively watching Peyton Manning highlights after a long day of ladling out soup to the less fortunate...when CC stumbled onto the board three Zimas deep and started talking shit about minorities. Now normally hootie isn't one for confrontation, but he will not tolerate mean-spirited comments about others. Coffey's response was to abuse the infraction system in order to get hootie banned. Naturally, hootie was beyond pissed, created a new account, and resumed setting cc straight in a stern but fair tone (or something like that...I don't remember the exact details...**** you). Coffey then did what any mentally unstable drunk would do in the middle of a heated argument...he sent hootie a PM about the most intimate, painful details of his own life...naturally.

Let me repeat this for Rico and anyone else who missed it... Crazycoffey, while in the midst of a nasty flame war with hootie, sent hootie a private message full of personal details about the ongoing problems in his marriage. Fortunately for coffey, hootie is a classy guy with a keen understanding of boundaries, so he kept those details private... I'm just ****ing with you. Hootie immediately shoved that shit right back in coffey's face. Would any sane person expect anything less from hootie? Of course not...but coffey is not sane. He is, however, a cop.

Let that ****ing sink in... Here is a guy who can't even be trusted with the infraction system, yet our tax dollars pay for him to carry a gun on behalf of the criminal justice system. Are you ****ing kidding me? I wouldn't trust this drunk to drive a goddamned honey wagon let alone a paddy wagon, but what the **** do I know?

Fortunately, hootie made a much-heralded return, and cc has been working to get his marriage back on track. He and his wife have even started dabbling in the swinging lifestyle in order to spice things up. Being a short, fat, bald guy, he doesn't exactly get invited to the "A-squad" parties like in Eyes Wide Shut, though. It's mostly a bunch of skinny white dudes going balls deep into fat Asian hookers while frazod sits in the corner trying desperately to find his penis, but coffey works with what he's got, and I can't fault him for that. The problem is that he tends to just show up, rip off all of his clothes, and yell, "orgy time". WTF, dude? That's terrible form. I mean yes, there's going to be an orgy, but even orgies at the Ramada expect a certain level of decorum...at least take off your socks and shoes. This isn't like back when you were a scout leader and took the kids on campouts. The webelos may not have known better, but that's no excuse for you.

Pros: Gets paid to harass minorities. Is handy with a sewing machine.

Cons: Doesn't wipe after he shits if it felt like it came out clean. (I understand his reasoning, but you still have to check.) Always does the "cha cha cha" thing when singing Happy Birthday.

Outlook for 2014: He and his wife answer an ad on adult friend finder only to find out when they meet up that it's Clay...evening goes better than expected.

Now that was a quality roast. I laughed several times. Way better than any of the original Hootie roasts. Great Job.

Holy ****ing shit. These are getting better and better. I am actually starting to hope he doesn't get to me. LMAO

Saul's on fire.

This could have been 10x better, but I kept taking stuff out.

Much better than h00tie

Freaking fantastic

:LOL:

Ever wonder about how a blind man knows when he's done wiping? Does his seeing eye dog bark once for clean TP and twice for keep wiping? Does the poor guy have to do a smell test? These are questions only Saul good can answer, yet he would rather make up little stories.

Funny little stories albeit.

I cringed at first but chuckled once or twice. Hootie's would have been similar but laced with more descriptive insults (original ones like "mother ****er) and cop jokes (original ones involving donuts). I give you a 519. But that's because your post is like a butterface.

That was fantastic.

Simply amazing. I can't top Saul, he's just better than me.

"webelos" LMAO

I feel like Saul is going to lock down 2013 Poster of the Year with this thing before training camp even starts.

Outstanding, sir.

We all know that. You really don't need to keep saying it.

There's no shame in that. I have to live with the fact that Frazod and JDiddy are funnier than I would be.

P.S. The mods can lick my taint.

Every time I see that banner ad at the bottom that says "These women don't want young men....they want you" I die a little inside.

Please link to encounter between Hootie and CC that I missed.

I need some lols.

Does anyone have a link to the thread where cc have hootie the infractions? There are about a dozen threads that deal with the aftermath, and it seems like they were all 1,000+ post threads, but I don't know that I've ever read the original.

Also, the thread where Clay was acting as a relay interpreter for hootie during the ban and posted the manifesto was maybe the greatest thing this board has ever seen (until Phobia deleted the manifesto).

Also, if anyone...Clay...has a link to the deleted parts, that would be worth posting.

New posters should be required to pass a quiz over that ordeal before they can start new threads.

I'm 2nd best. What are you?

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qUaU7YkwXc...600/jethro.jpg

What's that supposed to mean, Uncle Saul Good?????????

He's calling you a n00b

Yeah, passing a quiz would be very helpful in terms of catching on to what is going on around here. Some sort of study guide would be even more helpful.

study guide = Hall of Classics