Looks like one of those old Saturday morning Schoolhouse Rock informative commercials they put in during kids tv. Kind of like in this vein -

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So you know what Bob and Margaret is but you're unfamiliar with the poster BIG DADDY?

Good Lord...

ROFL

I saw like four or five episodes of that show over 10 years ago. I had trouble remembering the name.

I've only been here a couple of years, and BIG DADDY hasn't posted that often since I've been here.

LMAO @ Laz's volcanic periods

ROFL What in the tar nation is that from?

Get out.
Fine stay. Because I love you.

THOR

Just this week I saw a post, thought it might even have been here [EDIT: it jumped off from here, off PG's allegation that 'peanut gallery' is a racial epithet], that stated that 'the itis' is racist, because it's based on '****eritis'

So I grafted that onto The Big Lebowski's bit of PC dialog.

http://www.businessinsider.com/offen...ll-use-2013-11

Go fist **** Jeff Allen and tell me about how you can tell from his colon's texture that he has a faster kickstep than Branden Albert you fat ****ing phony. If you didn't laugh at O.City's roast, I can guaran****inggoddamntee you won't be laughing if/when your own ****ing name comes up on this list. You'll be feeling so sorry for yourself you'll cry jizz globules as tears, chump.

It's from a time of personal family issues.

Basically, my brother was being a whiny ****.

Somebody has to get you back on path.

With all of these thread sycophants fluffers giving you blowjobs all day long, I felt you were getting a bit soft.

I expect you to be Bob Gibson throwing at these ****ers heads, not lobbing softballs up to them as if you were a drunk pitcher in a Tuesday night co-ed rec league.

Oh, you did mention funny. Were these supposed to be funny too?

http://38.media.tumblr.com/a29ec34ef...l0ajo1_500.gif

I liked TBL reference. Ironically, I recently referenced the "proper nomenclature" quote while doinking around with Donger on here... I kept bombarding him with TBL references and he didn't get them, so I told him they were references from the movie, Spice World.

Sac is not on the list, but hell roast him anyway

I think Dinny is worth of top 100, FWIW.

BTW, eye yell at whey more than 80% of peopl. Eazy.

Not really.

are you sure that was me?

Im just a ball gobbling alex smith he can do no wronger.

Surely I would not say ANYTHING negative about my lover!

If you're comparing him with some of the other mongoloids who made this list, then I think so.


Top whatever SR is at, then probably no.

I don't know what this post means.

Your Sig

Imagine the english language is a tender young cabana boy named Felipe. You are the traveling, lonely, sexually frustrated businessman named Jorge. One day you meet Felipe and begin to earn his trust. You learn a little about him, just enough to take advantage of him.

Then one day you take Felipe, and in an attempt to serve your own selfish desires you rape him. You violate him. You turn Felipe's anus into a playground of blood, feces, and tears. After what you've done to Felipe, he will never be the same. He will never trust again. Never love again.

Shame on you, Jorge. Shame on you.

That little dog creeps me out O

Oh.


*quietly guffaws*

42. Baby Lee

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7...ro3_r1_500.gif

How has this guy seen and heard EVERYTHING? He's always correcting people about actors in this and directors who worked on that. He keeps in touch with the most mundane of pop culture news. I mean, Christ, the guy had a ton of commentary in his thread on One Direction fans vs. The Who. Also, what is it with his obsession with Conan O'Brian? It's almost like he's actually Andy Richter.

Where does this dude find the ****ing time to consume all this media, work at a job, and also find time on the side to remember all the great makeup sex he used to have with Taco John?

Yadda yadda one of CP's most intelligent posters yadda yadda. Enough of this. Baby Lee probably won the lottery and spends all of his time in front of the TV and computer. Soaps in the morning, Conan at night, and reruns in between.

He now probably weighs 400 lbs. And the only exercise he gets is when Mr. Flopnuts asks him to make "family visits."

ROFL you mother****er. ..

I really struggled with that one. I know I'm missing quality material to roast on, but this project has to keep moving. We're behind enough as it is.

This.

Listen to milk, Sorter. He's tellin' you right.

Dinny

If I'm correct BL is an attorney. Amazing he has the time to be as well versed in pop culture as he is. 2 things spring to mind. He's able to save a lot of money by watching that much tv and movies. And the dude hasn't seen pussy since pussy seen him. :D

If he's making lawyer money and isnt getting laid then his confidence is lower than xztop123's.

FYP.

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http://i62.tinypic.com/mr68tu.gif

41. Reaper16

http://i55.tinypic.com/w1da4k.jpg

Hey guess what? Did you know that there's more college football outside of Division I? Oh yeah! This shit is ****ing great, guys! You just have to get used to the unfamiliar assortment of schools and teams. It's practically the same thing!

Except the stadium environments. They all have tracks running around the field. Makes you feel like another terrible Saturday afternoon at Memorial Stadium in Lawrence.

And the mascots are really ****ing weird, but that's just something you have to get used to. It's just tradition, alright? The Eastern Alabama Institute for Massage Therapy Flaming Dildos proudly embrace the history behind the name, back when Dothan, AL was the country's leading manufacturer of flaming dildos as agricultural cultivators! It's not their fault that people now use them as raunchy sex toys!

The quality of football product is just as good! Dozens of them get cut from NFL training camp rosters every summer! And every once in awhile a school will see a star athlete who couldn't put down the goddamn crack pipe! So you see, it's just as good as the college football product that everybody watches!

Why, the Chiefs even drafted their only #1 overall pick in team history from Central Michigan, which isn't QUITE shitty enough to be a Division II school, but it's close!

....

Okay, I admit it. I'm a college instructor in Alabama, but I'm too much of a hipster to sell my soul to Auburn or yell ROLL TIDE! like a perpetually drunk hobo. Division II football is the only thing I have that allows me to wear thick-rimmed glasses without everybody thinking I'm gay.

Does Reaper even post anymore?

Are you sure this is the Top 100 from 2014 versus 2003?

Hipster boy does still post quite often

Lies!

I haven't seen a best of Music list from him in a decade.

He posts a lot in the wrestling thread and in political threads

These last two people on the list are among my favorite posters on this board.

He never posts in the wrasslin' thread.

At least, not the REAL wrasslin' thread.

He will make you tap out in the fake rasslin thread.

Rico, that's not nice. Without the WWF inventing wrestling, the collegiate sport you love would have never existed.

40. scott free

http://www-tc.pbs.org/wnet/historyof.../1850.0058.jpg

I'm using his original name here. Easy 6? WTF is that? It sounds like the name of a pier in San Francisco frequented by lonely freight boat crews who want something besides salty fat bearded fishermen. It's either that or he's paying homage to Ryan Succop, Bubby Brister, or... God, the Chiefs have had some shitty players wear the #6, haven't we? They're so shitty I'm pretty sure ol' scotty would rather go with the hot seamen action.

Anyway, I like scott free. He's folksy like philfree, but at least twice as smart (which doesn't say much, I suppose). He's also readily identifiable by his Hunt's tomato can avatar that he never changes, meaning even if he gets some stupid whim in his head and goes to the mods for a name change to "Easy 6", we don't have to acknowledge his desire for self-expression. I'm also pretty sure he's got some great ex-wife stories. It's a shame that nobody cares about scott free, because those ex-wife stories probably make for some great reading!

You know what makes him really awesome? He ****ing hates Cochise. Why? Nobody really knows. I disagree with Cochise on a lot of stuff, and his shitty attitude can get really annoying, but I don't really have a feud going with the guy. I can also respect him.

Not scott. No sir. It wouldn't surprise me in the least to one day see gblowfish posting a weird news story about two guys fighting a duel to the death with pistols in the Arrowhead parking lot.

And yes, that's awesome. Too many posters around here have no enemies. I'm talking about Rain Man. tk13. FAX. ****, even Gaz has milkman to hate on him. This new crop of n00bs that everybody likes? ThaVirus, Flybone, saphojunkie? Where are their enemies? Are we saying that these posters have never said anything to royally piss somebody off and make them turn into a hulking meathead? Shame on you, Chiefs Planet.

And kudos to you, scott free. **** Cochise and his well-liked bitch ass in the neck. Somebody has to be his Richie Incognito, and I'm glad it's you threatening to commit hate crimes on his entire family!

And yes, I'm aware that the phrase "getting off scot free" didn't originate from the Dred Scott decision.

The Top 101 CP Posters of 2014 Part 2 Presented by SNR
 

Heh. Ol' Scotty Free.

You should have tried to work in something about conspiracy theories and the supernatural/unknown. He's got a thing for that kind of stuff.

Or maybe his overall butthurtedness. Scotty is good people but he tends to take things to heart.

Shit. Yeah. I've done too many of these roasts, so I think I'm slipping in the details with a few of these posters.

That's okay, though. Because the next roast is somebody I know QUITE well.

Tune in tomorrow! Same bat time, same bat channel!

WHO IS IT?!?!

I never noticed the Cochise vs. Scott Free feud, but I will look for it now. I have noticed that Scott Free has become more sassy the past 6 months, which is around the first time I started noticing Cochise... so maybe that's where it has stemmed from and I just didn't notice that it was Cochise he was feuding with.

Wow...still going...

And doing good, IMO.

You need a hobby bad......



:D

Because NFL doesn't even want cops to bring fund into the stadium...... What a joke

With the last roast posted today I can say the last THREE are amongst my favorite posters.

I like you too though, Coffey.

http://exclaim.ca/images/The-Cable-Guy-.jpg

"I hope you fry that bathtard."

" Thath gonna be a good one!!!!"

I've probably seen that pic 20 times and only just now realized the girl gagged and terrified in the background...LMAO

Underrated Jim Carrey movie, in my opinion.

The underratedest.

I don't know, I might revisit it some day, seems like popular opinion has evolved on it over the years. But the one time I saw it back in the day it actively irritated me. I think it was a tone thing, his character was just too high energy and creepy in turn for me to find it funny. I recall wanting to kick his ass on principle. Maybe a generation of darker comedies since makes it look tamer in comparison. Or maybe like The Big Lebowski it needs repeat viewings to sink in.

I actually liked him in dramatic/creepy roles.

I thought he was great in The Number 23 and Eternal Sunshine.

Never did like the Cable Guy...

Weirdo.

Still one of the funniest scenes ever.

I've watched that movie probably 100 times. I love it. I can probably recite the movie scene for scene, word for word.

Cable Guy is a top 5 Carrey movie.

Me, Myself and Irene is another underrated one.

Jim Carey sucks almost as much as the guy who played Ron Burgandy.

Where did you find my picture? have you planted spyware on my laptop? I know people in high places my friend, you dont know who you're dealing with here...

But yeah, that was almost too nice, I wanted more grime and mean spiritedness... you disappoint me, you and all your nice bullshit.

Cochise? we dont always agree, but that old hatchet has been buried... atleast by me lol.

Word to the wise... dont **** with MOhillbilly.

He's no Shecky Greene. Am I right?

I will be calling on the Count to do a roast. We are ready...

Dis gun be gooooood

39. luv

http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/200...nell17_135.jpg

Is this Chiefsplanet or facebook? I can't tell. Especially with luv around. You know that luv will always let us know what is going on in her pathetic, perpetually single existence. Even if we don't ****ing care. Especially if we don't ****ing care. Nobody else does, so dammit, we're going to.

What's luv up to today? Is she being seduced into craptastic sexual rendezvous with dirtbags via shitty sports drinks? Who wouldn't be? Is she trying to dream that impossible dream of a Springfield Chiefs-watching get together to fill the gargantuan, lonely crater of a social void in her life? Always. Is she currently living her "working girl" dream and moving up in the corporate world by filing TPS reports and stapling things for lawyers? LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON THIS GIRL. DOIN' IT HER WAY!!!!!

We all know the story of how luv found Chiefsplanet. One lonely night, surrounded by her cats, wearing a disgusting, unwashed nightie that could double as a bedsheet, hopped up on mountain dew and cheetos, she decided she was feeling "frisky." This was back when luv was a horrible hambeast (more on that epic ****ing tale of yo-yo dieting, tears and the inevitable skin sails later), so she decided to lower her standards since she hadn't been laid since high school.

Verily, she googled the following phrase: "fat, bald, goatee'd pervert."

Something about the Chiefs popped up. So luv, living in Springfield, the worst town in America (a perfect place for her), clicked. Maybe she could find a Chiefs loving guy with low standards! A real connection could be made.

Luv didn't know ANYTHING about football. Just that men liked it. So, she thought...if men like it, I could like it, and maybe they'd like me! The plot was hatched.

Luv logged on as "luv2rite" and quickly identified herself as a football-loving female. Instantly she was a huge hit with the horny, undersexed, white knights of Chiefsplanet. They wanted to teach her EVERYTHING about football.

So she learned a lot of stuff and annoyed us and showed up at tailgates and yes, she scored! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Endelt260 was so horrified by his sexual encounter with "pre-JennyCraig" luv that he has never returned to this place. His loss, because now luv is ONE SMOKIN' HOT BABE!

Did you know that? Did you know she lost weight? Yes, after years of trying, "luv2eat" turned into "luv2lift" and eventually "luv2phoenix." Verily, she has risen from the lard-covered ashes of her old life. It only took her 12 years and 10,000 blog entires about how THIS TIME she was going to finally lose weight. But she did, so good job, honey. We knew we could shame you into it.

Luv is really excited now. After figuring out that her personal trainer (the first male to give her regular attention since her dentist) was never going to **** her, she reactivated her OKCupid account and changed her body type to "curvy." Then she uploaded new photos of herself looking like an actual human being!

The messages flooded her inbox like velveeta used to flood down her gullet. The shopping spree for cute outfits was epic, though the nervous breakdown when she passed the big and tall section resulted in an embarrassing public scene. But never you mind! Black men everywhere wanted a piece of dat ass now. Luv felt like a woman again! And now it is her prerogative to have a little fun. Go totally crazy. Forget she's not a lady. Whoa oh oh!

Now she can finally find a man, get married, pop out some kids, get fat again, get divorced, inherit half of some poor bastard's life savings and start thinking about getting a dog, who WILL NEVER LEAVE HER.

And we'll hear all about it, I assure you. Luv will NEVER stop telling us about. Make sure you contribute at least $20 to her future kickstarter campaign to pay for her body contouring procedure, or luv will never realize her lifelong dream of wearing sleeveless garments.

That makes two Laverne and Shirley references in these roasts.

I don't know how I feel about that.

Oh, and beautiful. ****ing beautiful, that was.

Substitute "GoChiefs" for "Luv" and it's spot on. Jesus dude, supposed to be a roast not a thinly veiled autobiography...

****ing brilliant.

LMAO

wow.