Apparently you're going to have to pretend that you're 80.

Male name: MORRIS
Female name: LORRAINE
Surname: BURG
Location: Barnwell County, South Carolina
Male occupation: Hearing Aid Specialists
Annual Salary: $39,800
Female occupation: Veterinary Assistants and Laboratory Animal Caretakers
Annual Salary: $30,500
Your Main Hobby: Antiquities
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Dance

You may be black, but I'm not sure. If not, you're Persian. That should make it easy to fit in.

Male name: DARIUS
Female name: LYNNE
Surname: POPE
Location: Washington County, Colorado
Male occupation: Medical and Health Services Managers
Annual Salary: $72,700
Female occupation: Railroad Conductors and Yardmasters
Annual Salary: $77,300
Your Main Hobby: Origami
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Table tennis

An HR assistant who paints and lives in the Upper Peninsula. The mafia will never stay awake long enough to find you.

Male name: WILBUR
Female name: ALYSON
Surname: HOLLOWELL
Location: Ontonagon County, Michigan
Male occupation: Human Resources Assistants, Except Payroll and Timekeeping
Annual Salary: $46,300
Female occupation: First-Line Supervisors of Farming, Fishing, and Forestry Workers
Annual Salary: $67,700
Your Main Hobby: Painting
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Gymnastics

One word for you. NASCAR.

Male name: ANTOINE
Female name: VANESSA
Surname: CLAAR
Location: Wilson County, Tennessee
Male occupation: Credit Analysts
Annual Salary: $98,500
Female occupation: Combined Food Preparation and Serving Workers, Including Fast Food
Annual Salary: $16,000
Your Main Hobby: Motor sports
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Volleyball

I wonder if your wife tries to shoot you when you're coming down, just to combine your hobbies.

Male name: ERIK
Female name: LATISHA
Surname: RAMSDELL
Location: Newton County, Mississippi
Male occupation: Surgical Technologists
Annual Salary: $48,200
Female occupation: Cashiers
Annual Salary: $15,100
Your Main Hobby: Skydiving
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Airsoft

You have a good solid Midwestern identity other than that suspiciously foreign hobby.

Male name: MASON
Female name: ESTER
Surname: BLACKSHEAR
Location: Lincoln County, Wisconsin
Male occupation: Accountants and Auditors
Annual Salary: $66,600
Female occupation: Recreational Therapists
Annual Salary: $53,000
Your Main Hobby: Origami
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Motor sports

You're apparently easily entertained.

Male name: CARMINE
Female name: MILLICENT
Surname: SELL
Location: Webster Parish, Louisiana
Male occupation: Physical Therapist Assistants
Annual Salary: $54,500
Female occupation: Urban and Regional Planners
Annual Salary: $37,800
Your Main Hobby: Stone skipping
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Jewelry making

Well, here's another fine mess I've gotten you out of. (fussing with tie).

Male name: OLLIE
Female name: LENORA
Surname: RIEHL
Location: Menard County, Illinois
Male occupation: Secretaries and Administrative Assistants, Except Legal, Medical, and Executive
Annual Salary: $21,500
Female occupation: Drafters, All Other
Annual Salary: $73,100
Your Main Hobby: Deltiology*(postcard collecting)
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Color guard

If your wife is good at impersonating a surgeon, you can afford a lot of it. Why are you even working?

Male name: LESLIE
Female name: JILL
Surname: HOLLY
Location: Placer County, California
Male occupation: Electrical and Electronics Repairers, Commercial and Industrial Equipment
Annual Salary: $61,100
Female occupation: Surgeons
Annual Salary: $342,600
Your Main Hobby: Acting
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Genealogy

We need you to become the best curling Mexican artist in all of south Texas.

Male name: ELISEO
Female name: SHIRLEY
Surname: CONCEPCION
Location: Karnes County, Texas
Male occupation: Art Directors
Annual Salary: $59,400
Female occupation: Locomotive Firers
Annual Salary: $70,500
Your Main Hobby: Curling
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Deep web

I hope you're into the performing arts.

Male name: RANDELL
Female name: CHRISTINE
Surname: GALLAGHER
Location: Adams County, Idaho
Male occupation: Art, Drama, and Music Teachers, Postsecondary
Annual Salary: $54,000
Female occupation: Entertainers and Performers, Sports and Related Workers, All Other
Annual Salary: $24,000
Your Main Hobby: Crocheting
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Drawing

Don't know how more anonymous I can be with a name like Smith.

Alex?

"Carmine?" Shit. Like that ain't going to sound like a connected guy in hiding in Webster Parish. I'm a dead man.

I think I'd like to be a checkers specialist. Like those old guys in town on Petticoat Junction. I'll do some weighing, measuring, and sampling on the side.

Water sports in Nevada, huh? Lake Mead or Bunny Ranch?