You live in Denver. Just tell everyone you wiped out going down a double diamond slope.

Thats where they pulled the tendon to shorten your overly long penis so it no longer is a trip hazard.

I'd go with results from a Baltimore vacation.

Bear attack

Tell people thats all 4 ISIS fighters could muster as you took them all out

Or this hazard!

BEP made an intelligent post on ChiefsPlanet and you fell out of your chair in shock and hit your head on the coffee table.

Fought off Banditos in Waco.

Your pet cat, Mr. Squiggles, was too wound up during playtime but gosh darnit you just love the litter bugger and aren't going to hold the attack against him.

Call me old fashioned but I'd be all "I cut myself shaving"

No one's going to believe that. I think I may go with the hawk attack.

You're a Chiefs fan, scar your goatee in a similar fashion and call it good

If I tell people that a hawk clawed me in the face, that probably implies that I have slow reflexes. On the head, I can claim that I was blindsided.

Just put "I cut myself shaving" on your Facebook wall. Since it's on the internet everyone will know it's true.