I'd enjoy a copy of this list.


I admit I'd be inclined to make my own alterations and it'd be more of a ranking rather than these lengthy roasts that are quite enjoyable.

I think the rankings are roast of themselves.

Didn't hootie do a tattoo roast because he was butthurt about all the royal rep he got ROFL

Oh....These pipes are cleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaannnnnn!!!

Actually, Bam Bam Baby Lee has a better ring to it, I think.

My dingle ling.

RIP once more

When was the last time someone was roasted?

Before I left work on Tuesday night.

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Late breaking news this hour.

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Film at 11.

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this thread jumped the shark at salami

SNR went AWOL

CLEAR, MUTHA****AS!

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67. Frosty

http://i.imgur.com/5cIXXbL.gif

I'm the goddamn Sean Mannion of CP. Let's see any of you cope with my absence if/when I get injured/benched. You just won't be able to. You think the Planet isn't what it used to be back when Gaz and MrBlond roamed these parts? Do you long for Johnathan Smith throwing to Chad Johnson and TJ Houshmandzadeh? You ain't seen nothing yet until you know what life without Mannion is!

I can keep going without Markus Wheaton. And you can keep going without FAX and keg in kc as they take their periodic month-long leaves of absence. But you are about to get ****ed hard without me. You'll see.

With CP gone, will there be hope for Frosty? Nuh-uh, mother****ers.

With Frosty gone, will there be hope for CP?

No burst here. Nope.

Holy Shit! I made the list?


Yes. :deevee: Those were the days.

For reals.

Back in the day when researching your rookie HB's was good enough and just one stud WR could put you over the top in your fantasy league and make you look like a ****ing.....eh....

Anyway, good on you bro...:toast:




















Not that I have the slightest clue who the **** you are...

Rep to the person who names the book I referenced in the last two lines.

Sorry. I'm still trying to figure out the platypus.

Terri Schiavo's family is pleading for this thread to be put down.

That was probably a failed joke on my part. It was a way of jabbing at beavers, even though platypi are some of the biggest badasses in the entire animal kingdom.

Mostly, it was an excuse to post that gif. I enjoy that gif.

http://img.spokeo.com/public/900-600...2009_01_09.jpg

You baby Frosty. Why don't you work in a zoo, and stop bothering people?

LMAO

Hey, beavers can be scary too.

http://media.giphy.com/media/aeLcctNhwwiS4/giphy.gif

Ishmael.


FEED MEE

Furst.

Nice.

Do another timbone

FYP.

Done.

66. Coogs

Before Picard, there was Kirk.

Before Smith, there was Grbac.

And before Direckshun, there was Coogs.

That's me. Coogs. People don't realize but I at one time was THE drafturbator. Before Direckshun. Before Mecca. ****, even before voyager. I'd post all the draft shit I could find, and you bet your ****ing ass that people got pissed off about it just like they do now. Granted, the number of threads and posts I made about it pales in comparison to these other more modern draft legends, but it was a different time. Otto Graham played a different game. Jim Brown played a different game. You're a giant moron if you don't name them on a short list of the game's all-time great players. Likewise, you simply have to put me on there as well.

Regrettably, I'm just an old man trying to keep up these days. I'm like Dick Enberg trying to get people to sign up for fantasy football on CBS broadcasts while talking about the rap music that the players listen to in the locker room. At the age of 92, I'm not as active as I once was, and when I post stuff, it often gets swallowed up amidst all these advanced metric threads and tubgirl discussions. There's still room for me, but people are more and more letting me slide into the philfree category of senility and rambling incoherency. If I ever turn into a huge prick like milkman, maybe people will pay attention to me. Until then, I'm just going to keep chugging along until I fail my eye test at the DMV and get my license taken away.

I think SNR is way better than me. If he's doing them, he should get first dibs. If I'm needed tomorrow, I can try and get one in, but after that I'm on leave for a week. SNR, let me know if you need me to do one tomorrow.

I was on vacation all last week and before that I had a lot of work stuff going on. I should be able to post far more roasts in the near future. One or two per day.

PGM, feel free to send me a fresh batch of names. I've got one left, which I'm saving for tomorrow.

I honestly thought all the food threads had ran you off.

Burst! OK listmaker more names...

Like.

That's like, the best roast this season.

Shit.

Hometeam, you prick.

I just finished this book last month.

Wasn't as revelatory or inspirational as I was initially led to believe.

However, he did have one great line in there at the end...

"He was the type who has a Harvard law degree stuck away in a drawer somewhere because he never found anything to do with it that appealed to him."

Great line.

Otherwise, the book was incredibly repetitive and overly preachy in it's "message." It did, however, spur me to finally finish "A Short History of the World" by J.M. Roberts, which was much more objective and rational in terms of mankind and it's relationship to the world and world culture. Ishmael is a book for college kids who think that they get it and need someone to articulate their misguided but internally deemed to be correct thoughts.

65. Cannibal

http://i.imgur.com/i5dio.gif

Okay, I'm going to say a few things about Cannibal, but most of this roast is going to be directed at the listmaker. A few things have to be said here.

Cannibal's been here since the very beginning of this forum, but my first remembered interaction with him came a few years ago. I could have sworn that back when I posted on the OrangeMange there was a dude named Cannibal, so I started ripping on Denver around him. Turns out he's actually a Chiefs fan. Who would have known? I certainly didn't, because he was just that non-descript.

I'm pretty sure the thing Cannibal is most known for is a period of about 6 or 7 months some time ago when he was a semi-active poster in the DC forum. He's pretty liberal, so I think he got frustrated and stopped going there. Since then, I'm not really sure what he posts any more, but he doesn't do it very often. He's largely regarded as a nice guy, but I think that's all that most people have to really say about him. So I guess 8900 posts not-so-memorable posts in nearly 14 years is enough for a 65 ranking.

Okay, now the other business. The listmaker has put this guy above some really really juicy names. Penn Jillette, the conspiracy nut John the Baptist of SOC? DaKCMan AP, who has only put up more than a decade of consistent, quality football discussion even when propped up by his weird "awesome" quirk? Salame is the last of the ****ing weirdos, and he only gets a 94? Rico? MOTHER ****ING RICO!!! Cannibal is at least 20 spots higher than all of these guys?

What the ****ing ****? At least TRY to work with some consistency, here! If that's a "best of AS OF 2014" list, then the PPD stat should have a much stronger bearing to balance out strong n00bs and CP legends. If it's just a best posters list of the past year 2014, then put some dudes on the list who have written something besides, "That Chiefs playoff loss sucked. I like Alex Smith and Andy Reid."

There isn't much of a method to making the list. I get that. I know that there can't be. But this is insane. At least go through a couple complete drafts before you decide on some names to put up here.

"That Chiefs playoff loss sucked. I like Alex Smith and Andy Reid."

I agree. In my case, at 67, I appreciate making the list at all (and am thrilled I'm higher than Chiefs4me and Brianfo). However, there is no way in hell I should be higher than DaKCMan AP, ThaVirus, Rico, Salame and several others. I think some of us are getting longevity points.

I don't remember it saying they were listed in order...

Interestingly enough, back in the day, Cannibal was a truly ruthless bastard. I admired his ability to remove a head with spine attached and throw it at a posters body before it hit the ground. The first time I recall thinking "That bastard is funny" was a post he made about Chester McGlockton "killing a muver****er for a doughnut".

Cannibal should not be on a douche list.



Whomever roasts SNR needs to be sure to include references to being known for playing pipe organs.........and why he was known as SNaRk for a while.

Billay was right, this list sucks.
He was just too stupid to understand that no one would care if he compared it to Hootie's.

Cannibal, SNR, is a pretty dry, but clever poster.
Highly underrated, IMO, though his ranking is too high if we are only dicussing 2014.

The problem is, though, there are a couple of posters who haven't posted in years who have been listed, which tells me the "list maker" is a dumbass.

Time to unveil the list master and burn him at the stake. PGM, unveil your source or go down with him.

We dead?

That'll liven things up.

This.

I will never unveil the listmaker. I may just get the names and reveal them a couple a day. If someone wants to roast go ahead. It is too hard to do all these roasts so it never works.

I'm about ready to throw out my own names and start roasting.

If I don't get some names in the next 48 hours that's exactly what I'm doing.

Sent and requested more. Thought we were done.

There will be a roast tonight.

Get out the marshmallows.

Oh yeah this will be a doozy lol

This is madness

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64. Laz

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Just a few months ago somebody said Eric Fisher was a bust, and nobody challenged him on the absurdity of that statement. The injustice that is being done to common fans on Chiefs Planet who just want to have a good time watching Chiefs football is terrible. It's obvious that this anti-Chiefs bend in the conversation is controlled by the interests Clayton W. (name withheld) and the Kansas City illuminati known as Rich Gannon's Lazy Eye. I haven't yet figured out what role he plays in the organization, but he is clearly trying to avert peoples' attention away from the Chiefs and onto himself to make him feel better about his 30-year old self living in his mom's basement. The Lazy Eye is secretly behind all of the Chiefs' failures since Marty got fired in order to produce an unstable fanbase ripe for pseudo anarchical revolution, after which the Eyeball takes control of all official existing local factions, including the Kansas City Chiefs. It is then that they will exert their Manchurian influence onto Clark and draft nothing but QBs in the first round for the next 30 years. These evil assholes must be stopped.

I would prove it, but Clayton would probably send the Lazy Eye's henchmen after me, namely SNR and htismaqe, the roastmasters of this very thread. How ironic that the two people given the majority task of roasting the supposed "Top 101 posters" of CP are vicious poison-spewing QB table-pounding drafturbators? Why not give the job to Marcellus? Or even an even-keeled moderate like Rain Man? I told you all about this change in CP years ago ever since the radical drafturbators took power against the will of the forum and her people. Nobody listened to me, though. Nobody ever listens to me. Well, the time's approaching now. You better get your wits about you, lest you turn into a mindless zombie that follows these people around like PGM. This very roast thread is nothing more than an attempt at shaming good, righteous, moral Chiefs fans and converting them to neo-Meccan anti-Hunt pessimism that makes unwarranted jokes about Alex Smith's penis size. :deevee:

Here's something to consider briefly. The shortest verse in the KJV Bible is "Jesus wept." When does that occur? Just before he brings an individual back to life. Lazarus. He brings Lazarus back to life. Know that when I also weep and bring dead arguments back to life, I'm not doing it to be a pussy. I'm doing it to save you all and this forum I love so dearly.

Insane in the membrane.

Heh, that was good.

Eyesholes!!

Oh and hey, can we get the OP updated? It's just WAY too much work to go searching for roasts.

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Is Mr. Laz even still posting? I think he is another lost soul.

Say "Eric Fisher is a bust" three times at your monitor and Laz appears out of nowhere, blasting hellfire from his mouth and palms.

That's ****ing it. Shut it down. That's the roast to end all roasts. Holy shit. BAZINGA!

Finally a poster worthy of mention, and the roast is the worst of the bunch so far.

I've never payed any attention to what MR. Laz has to say but if it brings back his porn chick avatar then...

Eric Fisher is a bust.

Eric Fisher is a bust..

Eric fisher is a bust...

It's garbage.
It doesn't capture Laz at all.

You don't get it.

It's a parody of Laz's constant whining.

It's brilliance in it's purest form.

I do get it.
I know what he was doing, and he sucked at it.

I have to say, I am going to go higher than I expected.

I tried to capture Laz as Alex Jones. Because he doesn't really whine anymore so much as he just thinks certain posters have agendas to push.

Badass mother****er

I just did it and Biggy Smalls showed up carrying a pistol.

ROFL ROFL ROFL

When PGM sent me the names of the next four or five guys and asked me to roast, Laz was the one guy I thought I had enough material to roast. At the same time, I knew he was the guy on that list you would want to go after. I even mentioned it a few pages back without saying the name.

You hit a grand slam. Kudos.

You should send me that list. Just mention any names you want to roast and I'll let you have them.

I'm on a mission now. We're gonna roast everybody. It's gonna happen this summer, too. 1-2 roasts per day will get it done before the regular season.

I would, but Laz was the last name I received.

You are too kind, sir.

I agree with Frost as far as you, Rico, and Salame being higher. I guess I miss DaKCMan AP's appeal. I keep reading that he posts good Chiefs takes, but all I see is that weird "I'm awesome" persona.

**** his stupid list. Rankings are all different from perspective. Random roast at will and get on with it.

SNR can do me when ever he wants.