| ReynardMuldrake |
11-21-2021 03:26 PM |
This reminds of the time I caught the neighbor kid pissing on my hydrangeas. I had suspected that someone was doing this, the stench of urine was debilitating, but didn't actually catch him until I set up some* surveillance*cameras and reviewed the footage. When I figured out who it was, I went down the street to speak with the boy's father. "Bill," I said, "young Phillip here has been taking a whiz in my flower garden, specifically the Hydrangeas. I expect you to immediately replace these suckers because they are now humiliated and I don't want to miss an entire flowering season waiting for them to recover." Bill put up a fight for show (his wife loves to watch him argue), but ultimately, he realized it was time to teach that son of his the virtues of honor and hard work. So I went home, and stepped into a lovely lavender bath to relax. I had made a pitcher of mimosas to split with my betrothed, but she had stepped out to run to the pharmacy (that time of month, I'm guessing). I ended up pounding the lot, and passed out in the tub. About 3 hours later, when I awoke half-baked, there was Bill and his snot-nosed peewee, unloading a truck of fresh loam and hydrangeas.
Flash forward about a month, and guess what... the hydrangeas had already begun to bloom!!! About 1.5 months earlier than expected! I was astounded. I spoke to Bill, and apparently there's multiple species of hydrangeas. I had initially had tardiva hydrangeas, but those are actually the latest to bloom, silly me. Bill, having picked up on the hint that I liked a summer time bloomer, decided to swap out my tardiva hydrangeas for some grandifloras. It was dooooooope.
|
