I'm rooting for you to do well here, but as an impartial analyst, I feel like I need to call 'em like I see 'em.

agreed. all I'm gonna say

Tell us the truth. You're really a Hootie mult, aren't you? Those bans were just clever ploys to make detection difficult.

I feel like such a fool having argued with you about whether or not you were justified in banning you. Well played.

Yup Hootie is Dennis Reynolds. CP's Golden God and we are his minions.

Just don't make me clean up the floor after you're finished with your circle jerk here ok? :)

No, but I know you get way more attention playing co star in a Hootie thread than you do the leading role in one of your own. Case in point:the last ban.

An obvious (and truthful) comeback to this would be to say the same thing about me. The difference is I'm self realized enough to admit it.

This is the most self-aware post I've ever read on this board.

Maybe the most underrated sitcom character in history. Dude's funnier than Jerry Seinfeld (though Can'tStandyYa might have him beat)

Tooge and I were recently at a BBQ cookoff in a campground and there was a college tennis team camping nearby - men's and ladies. The gals spent half the night at our camp but the dudes didn't care for our camp so much, mostly because some old drunken fool had choice words for some of their more effeminate mannerisms. It probably won't be funny unless you were drinking alongside us but we had a memorable time.

He's more like Rob Lowe from St. Elmo's Fire. Minus the occasional shreds of decency and introspective moments of clarity.

I assume Pootie probably can't play the saxophone, either. Else we'd know about it.

I'm having fun poking fun at people in this thread. But if I need to take a seat on the couch to figure out why I'm having fun then I guess I'll do as you wish, Doc. But I'm not paying $200 an hour for this shit.

You need to get Hootie to work with you on how to tell stories about yourself. I'm sure it was a pretty funny situation, but you're not doing it justice. No offense.

you don't sound like you're having very much fun right here

and Doc? that's the most respectful traditional title anyone may have ever addressed me by (so far). thanks for the self esteem boost, maybe i should be paying you the $200 an hour

he doesn't need to be paying you $200 for this shit either. he's TRYING to have some fun

Only a small percentage of people have charm and charisma in real life. Most people have virtually none, while others have a negative amount. By that, I mean that they actually repel people.

The internet is a bastion for those who can't hack it socially in the real world, so they gravitate to mediums like message boards. That isn't to say that everyone, nor even the majority of posters fall into this category, but it is a sizeable group.

These people get pissy when people who are popular in real life hone in on their internet territory, because people start to gravitate away from the dorks and towards those with charisma. Even though the internet masks social competency, it doesn't eliminate it entirely. Eventually, actual personality shows through.

The internet slings and arrows are just going to keep coming as legions of losers band together as online bullies. They're just defending their turf. Fat, bald guys with goatees are invisible in real life. They can't succumb to the same fate in their e-communities as well.

Yes we did. No homo, er..... tennis homo.
that was a great time

Blasphemy. My life has no worth without a giant e-peen.

I'm nearly certain I said as much within the post itself.

I'm having a nice time. It's better than pooping.

Hootie, just FYI. Many of us were once young, bar hopping, womanizing, young guns, out there trying to get laid and make as many people laugh as possible "back in the day". I could bore you all day with funny shit that happened when I was in college, post grad school, etc. I'm sure most on the board could.

The difference is that you seem to think that these situations and funny instances are unique to you. They are not. Most people I hang out with are exactly what you described as the witty guy with a comeback for every other witty remark said by a buddy or some gal walking by.

Yeah, there are some deadbeats like BM out there, but fortunately, some of them, like BM, are aware of how they are. Others are not.

It's great to feel good about yourself. Trust me. I think I'm the greatest ****ing guy on earth. It's another to tell everyone constantly that you feel that way, and why, as if you are the only one that feels that way.

I don't know....sometimes when you really gotta go, and there's no one around to interrupt you, and the bathrooms cool and dry....a good poop can feel better than just about anything

You're like 4th on my greatest ****ing guy on earth list, tooge.

I should have said "better than wiping".

Hey ****face, I'm not a deadbeat when it comes to life, just human beings.

Asshole!

Meanwhile, his thread has 3,000 posts, and your recent threads about genetic mapping, a prayer thread, and the movie "42" have 56, 49, and 4 replies respectively.

Well then tell me a ****ing entertaining story then...

I told about 9 stories and had everyone rolling.

It's pretty easy to say "everyone has these stories" and then not tell them...

Give me something 50% as funny as my nuva ring story...

Exactly.

I live the stories, and then I also have the ability to be captivating when I retell the stories to total strangers online.

So keep bashing me and calling me unoriginal and claiming everyone can do what I do...

Because that's easy.

But if you have a funny, captivating, real life ROFL story...****ing tell it, or stfu.

Given that this is a message board, "you had to be there" stories don't work. I'm sure the gay jokes were side-splitting, but if that's the best example of a funny Phobia exploit you've got, it's probably time to stop shitting all over a guy who can actually take a humorous event from real life and translate it into a funny story online.

Wow, I guess tooge should just kill himself, right? Doesn't meet the Saul Towne thread approval rating. LMAO

I always wondered what happened to the villains in teenage angst movies 15 years down the line. After the family money bankrolled business failed. After the super hot sorority whore girlfriend became the insufferable shrieking bitch soccer mom to his ritalin-addled brats. Holed up in the den, surfing the internet all day. Waiting for mommy and daddy to finally die so he can get money without the begging, crying and lectures.

I guess they spend their time endlessly arguing with Wickedson in the Realignment thread and living vicariously through Pootie, pining for the good old days.

Where did it all go wrong?

When that guy shows up, somebody wake me up from my nap.

Frazod,

You've lived a life where your dad loathed you, no one in your family ever showed you love, your first wife betrayed you...and now you're just a miserable, fat ****. You have nearly 100,000 posts bickering with so called 'degenerates' on an NFL message board where you're on record saying you don't watch the NFL because it's rigged.

My vice principal used to tell me something that I found hilarious but it's very fitting here!

Frazod...every time you point your finger at someone else, you're pointing three right back at yourself!!!!

Lol lol lol

Hi Phil!

Woah. That was intense. Saul Good was definitely right about your ability to tell a story.

Which one of is the fat, divorced drug addict who works at a law firm but isn't an attorney? That's the person who can best answer your "where did it all go wrong" question.

Blasting me for having an attractive family, selling a business I started up on the side, and having a little money has me reeling, btw. You should finish me off with a "you've probably got a huge dong" crack. That'll show me.

WTF is Clara Burton?

Pootie put some thought into this one. It's nice to see you reciprocate the white knighting for your hero Saul. Let's see:

1. Dad loathed pretty much everything and everybody. He's dead now. Not a shit was given. Rest of the family, at least those that are still alive - just fine. Never got much from dear old Dad - but at least I didn't get the world handed to me on a silver platter and piss it all away by being a drunken ****ing life failure. You claim your parents are wonderful people, and that's really too bad, since they clearly don't deserve to have a piece of shit like you as a son (you would deserved my dad, however - oh, the irony). Hopefully your sister picked up the slack. She'd probably have a cure cancer to fully balance you out, though.

2. Married too young. She "betrayed" me! Meh. I "betrayed" her too. At least I never infected her with an STD. This tactic really doesn't work anymore - it's not like I'm pining for my ex or ever think about her. I'm really pleased with the current one, though. We've been together for 15 years now.

3. And most of my posts, certainly the ones I enjoy the most, have nothing to do with degenerate cowardly scum like you. You just don't pay any attention to those, and since they're largely aimed at good, adult people, seriously, why would you?

4. I'm still fat. Feel better? Wait until your metabolism slows down and the five gallons of cheap swill you ingest every night start to catch up to you. I know what the future has in store for you, Pootie, assuming you have one. It won't be pretty.

I'll give you an "A" for effort, though. Time to crack the second six-pack of the day in celebration! :thumb:

9 POOTIES

Humor is about being relatable. I suppose frazod just can't relate to stories about being young, having no responsibilities, enough money to blow on good times, and banging sluts. It seems that his youth was spent scrounging up drug money and catching his breath after standing up from a seated position.

Do you have any amusing anecdotes involving having to excuse yourself from the table during Thanksgiving dinner because of a cocaine nose bleed only to come back to your wife leaving to blow your drug dealer?

LMAO

I'm laughing with you, not at you. I already got blasted for not mentioning her earlier, and I actually knew who she was

Sounds like a typical holiday season to me. :shrug:

To be fair, you speculated that it "probably" wasn't funny. I just provided confirmation. But I know that you have boatloads of funny in you if you can just figure out how to tap into it. You're one of the guys who has the genuine real life charisma Saul Good was talking about in my estimation. That's why I suggested that you hook up with Hootie for some mentoring on how to entertain us with autobiographical material.

Donger is talking about the misspelling, I'm quite certain. It's Barton, not Burton. He's detail oriented like that.

You spelled her last name incorrectly. Barton, not Burton.

Clara Burton makes bitchin snowboards (I think).

You're implying Frazod had family that cared enough to invite him over for Thanksgiving?

Frazod does enjoy the Turkey & Gravy TV dinners that come with the brownie. One Thanksgiving, he had 11 of them in 1 sitting.

but does she give good head?

Saul Towne's pissed now! I feel bad for the next waitress that serves you. LMAO

I'm mainly blasting you for being a vile piece of shit, and it oozes from your every post. Money can't buy you a soul, you pampered ****ing twat. And if you had anything on the ball at all the last thing you'd be doing is wasting your day bantering with me.

Agree 100%. I have no doubt that Phil is a lot of fun in real life...quite possibly moreso that hootie. The difference is that hootie gets himself into absurd situations which are probably funnier in story form than they were in real time whereas Phil seems like someone who is fun to bullshit with but doesn't really do stupid things that lend themselves to a good re-telling.

it's amazing he's so OCD but never seems to get too pissed either

my guess is when his kids get older and track mud thru the house, he'll probably calmly help them clean it up, but if they come home with bad grammer grades, we'll see his ugly mugg on the Co. news for trying to flush them down the toilet like that Chinese couple in the news yesterday

How is this a waste of my time? You're a big shot...probably the most important non-attorney working at a law firm ever.

Awesome! Back at ya, and that is in no tennis homo type of way at all that I say that.

thanks for checking into my popularity. I feel better now that you have validated, or invalidated it or whatever you feel you did.

I came from nothing, Saul Towne. You're the pampered little trust fund **** who spends his days arguing on the internet. I wonder how many of your frat brothers do the same thing now? None? Oh yeah, they didn't fail, did they? Glad you got a nice buy-out, though. It keeps you safely tucked away in the house. I guess you don't really do too well in social situations where you and college friends can't pick on people 5-1, right?

this one time i saw a gay guy and i was like "hey why dont u do a gay thing huh" my buddies lol'd pretty hard lol

FYP

lol totally bro lol. I'm gonna go buy an 8 dollar smoothie and totally mac on this fine ass biotch workin the counter at Smoothie King. It's gonna be wicked hot.

lololololololololololololol

http://i.imgur.com/0ie3dNz.png

Tennis isn't gay. Boys sucking penises is the gay part. Why am I explaining this to you, of all people?

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no homo tho

u should fingerbang her while listenin to sum jim belushi tunez

I'm not trying to take a swipe at you (I know it came across that way). My point is that hootie drives threads, and that's rare. You're a good poster and seem like a good dude, but your threads aren't "must reads". The people who like hootie read his threads for entertainment. The people who hate hootie read his threads to heckle him. The few people who don't really give a shit about him one way or the other read his threads just for the spectacle.

You may well have done all the stupid shit he's done. It's really nothing special. The difference is that he can tell the story in a way that's entertaining.

I've done a lot of the same shit as hootie, but I don't write stories about it for the entertainment of CP, so I'm not a strong poster. If I stopped posting tomorrow, nobody would notice. I don't give rep. I don't post mega-threads worthy of the Hall of Classics. Hell, I don't even have an avatar. There's nothing wrong with just being an average poster, but if you don't drive threads, it's bad form to bitch about those who do.

Are you really surprised that Hootie gets attention? There was a kid in my junior high school who had issues with playing with his feces. He'd come back from the bathroom reeking of crap. That got him attention, too.

You seem to be conflating quantity with quality.

****, man...milk shot right out of my nose reading that...and I wasn't even drinking milk. If that story isn't true, don't tell me and ruin it for me. I just wish I had seen the look on that guy's face. I really need to high five somebody just thinking about it.

That's not milk, homo.

Damn, even Willie Loman is bashing on frazbob ROFL

I'm not conflating anything. If I think hootie is smearing the walls with shit, I can ignore his threads. What I wouldn't do is go out of my way to follow that kid into the bathroom every day and watch him play with his poop when there are hundreds of other bathrooms available.

frazbob has bitch tits.
http://cdn.motinetwork.net/demotivat...1221339257.jpg

Well, I was sucking a cock while reading that post, so you may be onto something...

Sorry, I thought you just posted this:

Meanwhile, his thread has 3,000 posts, and your recent threads about genetic mapping, a prayer thread, and the movie "42" have 56, 49, and 4 replies respectively.

Saul may be a miserable prick, but you are the new version of Skip Towne fat ass.

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I did. I didn't mention the quantity of threads they've started, but I did reference the number of replies. It's not an absolute measuring stick, but it's something.

If you think prayer threads and a four post thread about the movie 42 are better threads than this one, then we're just going to disagree.

No, and I'll tell you why. Skip basically ****ed with anybody who didn't kiss his ass. He picked on n00bs who had done nothing to deserve it, fans of other teams who didn't like KU, [insert random reason here].

I pick on scum like you. Exclusively.

Saul is doin a good job at making this thread about him

And the world is coming to an end. I actually LOLd to a Saul Good post.

this your grammar class' official "word of the week"? this is at least the third time you've used it in the past 2 days

ROFL You are incredibly unaware of how you behave.

Also, you don't pick on anyone. If you think your CP antics cause anyone grief then ROFL.

Yes, I was referring to the number of replies/posts. But yes, I think a prayer thread with 50 replies is certainly more important than this thread.

I know, you follow me from thread to thread serving me chips and salsa because I mean nothing to you. LMAO

No, it's just a word that happens to fit certain situations.

You really need work on the whole insulting someone game.

To each his own. I come to CP to be entertained. If you'd rather read a good prayer thread than watch a train wreck like a hootie thread, that's your prerogative.

I rarely read prayer threads, but when I do, I don't post in the thread about what a shitty thread it was, try to one-up the OP by claiming that I have experienced more tragic events, etc.