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That is all. |
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It's very bizarre hearing myself talking like this, as anybody who knew me five years ago could attest to.
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Well, I'm off to go to the doctor to have this lump in my armpit checked out. I'll catch you guys on the flip side.
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As for Jilly's other questions:
Are you doing what you love to do work wise? No. I've yet to encounter something I love to do. And I really hate working, too. The whole concept of it. But you gotta keep a roof over your head. Are you doing things you are passionate about? No, similar to work that I love, I've never come across anything that I feel anything about, much less passion. Do you value your mind and do you do things to stimulate it? Yes. Are you laughing and smiling? Yes. I'm hoping that writing becomes that 'work that I love'/'thing that I'm passionate about', but right now it's an exercise in resistance. It's very hard, and I tend to migrate towards the path of least resistance. So it's going to be a long, hard fight against myself and my tendencies. And the reality is it's something that I dreamed about/thought about/talked about for a ****ing DECADE, so the odds of it actually going anywhere are slim. |
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I think that working out, etc, is great, but that one's probably the easiest of the goals to realize. I think the others take way more strength, creativity and courage. |
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Anyway, let's say it is the easiest for the sake of argument, that's no reason not to do it or to feel going about doing it. Maybe it's the first step on a bigger journey. As for me, my philosophy on work is the same as it is with relationships. Sometimes you have to acquiesce to reality. I'm not going to find any new passion at this point in my life. In no small part because I'm not a passionate person. I'm just not. I'm about as apathetic as you can be while still having a heartbeat. Beyond that, I made (or didn't make) decisions in my 20s that set the course for the rest of my life. That's just the way it is; I don't get to climb into a wayback machine for a do-over. But what I can do is make the best life out of what I have. And that's exactly what I'm doing. |
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