yeah, i had to rep him on that also... I just hope his mom didnt hit him where it hurts with one of those sneakers.

Here's two lame stories for you.

-Well in terms of driving a car... the worst was one time when I was driving, 55 mph, US highway (4 lane, divided highway) near my hometown... I'm coming up on this area where another road merges into mine so I get in the left lane. Well this idiot in a semi-truck comes flying up and passes me on the right side as we cross where the roads merge. That's no big deal... but probably 500 feet (if that) ahead of the merge was a little "access" road for police officers to use and whatnot. This semi has about passed me halfway when he decides that he HAS to attempt a U-turn on this access road and turns his blinkers on and slides over immediately while slamming on his brakes. I just completely hammered the brakes to the floor and just barely avoided getting clipped right off the road as this guy (to his driving credit I guess) pulls off a U-turn at like 45 mph to head the other way. I don't even know how I did it, it was just a reflex reaction.

-If you want my Wile E. Coyote moment... back when I was in high school(?), maybe jr. college... I was at home trimming trees because they were hanging down over the satellite and messing up reception. I was using this old wood ladder that has always been pretty sturdy. Well I was up there on the 2nd step from the top trimming away when I thought I heard a cracking sound. I trimmed a little more and heard a louder cracking sound. Next thing I know, the entire ladder just implodes. I levitate in the air for a second, turn and look at the camera, a thought bubble with an exclamation point appears over my head, and then I fall 500 feet down and you see the little puff of smoke at the bottom of the canyon. Well, not really, but that literally was a split-second moment where you think "Oh ****!!!" then fall about 10 feet and land flat on your back. All that remained of the ladder was about 15-20 chunks of wood, it had completely shattered like you'd dropped a bomb on it. Lucky I didn't break anything, but I was sore for days.

My current wife and I are separated but we are supposed to be working it out.

A few weeks ago in the heat of an argument I instictively called her by my ex-wifes name.

Needless to say we are still separated :banghead:

Clearly an oh-shit moment.

It happened in December 2003/January 2004, where we had a near-blizzard conditions in the state of Kansas. My brother, who is deaf, goes to Kansas School for the Deaf in Olathe, so I was responsible for taking him and his friend to Olathe every Sundays to get him back to school. Well the school contacted me and told me to bring them back on Monday due to inclement weather.

Monday I went to take them up there, despite blowing snow and high winds. On the way back from Olathe, on I-35 to Emporia, it was dark, snowy, ice spots, you name it. I was going 45 for my own safety, and a f**ktard was going 75-80mph on a icy road, and when he attempted to pass me, nearly clipped me on the side while speeding by me. I nearly lost control of the school van, and hit a ice spot, spun the van sideways, literally taking up both lanes of the Interstate, and I was literally screaming "OH SHIT! OH SHIT!" while trying to get the van under control.

"Son, we're going to have to perform a biopsy"

"On what"

"Your testicle"

"What do you mean?"

"We have to examine it, determine what kind of cancer you have so we can treat you correctly"

"So, you put it back when you're done, right?"

Silence...

"Oh, shit."

Goddamn that post literally made me laugh out loud!

Especially the... "It was never brought up again" part.

ROFL

I've had A LOT of these moments in my time.

One summer in high school me, my brother and 2 friends used to steal my mothers car and go out raising hell. We used to go and peel out in this dudes yard leaving large ruts ALL OVER his yard. We destroyed that yard and did it almost every night of that summer. Finally, we got bored just leaving ruts and I (the driver) decided to run over the mail box, after hitting the mail box we decided that was lots of fun so we got out the car jack and starting playing a little mailbox baseball. When we got home there 3 cop cars waiting at my house. I backed up to evade and another cop car pulled up behind and the cops all drew their guns. We all freaked out. It seems that one of the people who's mailbox we destroyed was able to get my tag number. I didn't learn my lesson at the time though because they questioned a friend in another car and for some reason it just struct me as funny watching my friend sitting there all solemn getting questioned and I had to stifle my laughter. The cop questioning me got all bent outta shape that I wasn't taking the situation seriously. Luckily, we were all turned over to our parents custody. I took the heat and got probation.

Only time in my life I've ever had multiple firearms pointed at me. I guess I'm real lucky those cops weren't trigger happy.

Alright, so one time me and some cousins were setting off fireworks. Well, just so we would have to pick up a lot of the trash later, we were asked that if we make bottles, cans, etc. explode, that they be left in a bucket while exploding. Now, I'm pretty good with turning small fireworks (M-80's, bottle rockets, Black Cat firecrackers) into more than decent explosions. Well, I had created a "popcan bomb" with smokebombs, a couple M80's, and a few bottle rocket heads. As I've always done with these kinds of things, I stuck a bottle rocket in so that when it would launch out, it'd set everything else off. Everything goes according to plan, there was a big explosion, and half of the can went flying into the air (it was missing the top piece, which we never found). Well, a bottle rocket head had fallen out and none of us knew about it. We started a new bomb that didn't fly out of the bucket, but did light the bottle rocket head, which jumped out of the bucket and went after one of my cousins. I have absolutely no idea how he was able to do this, but he jumped out of its way just before it hit the shed behind him, bounced off, and exploded about 6 inches away from his foot.


---

Another time, there was a display with plenty of artillery shells (fireworks, nothing military) and one of the tubes tipped over right after being lit...fell on a bale of hay and exploded. Luckily, we got a bucket of water before too much damage was done.

When I was in so much agony from constipation for a couple of days and couldn't get relief! That was, "Oh $hit!" or was it "Oh, NO $hit!"

:p

WARNING ADULT CONTENT:

I was a senior and my girlfriend was a sophomore. We used to do it at her house all the time because her parents would be gone alot. One time I brought the polaroid over and thought it would be great to get a few sexual shots. Any way I took one from above with her on her knees with my schlong in her mouth. We stashed the pictures in her hope chest in a book.

I didnt think much about them again until the school play came around. She had a part in it and she grabbed some books from her hope chest for props in the play. Any way during practice for the play, her Teacher/Director played the part of the lead and took a book and opened it on stage as called for in the script.

Anyway the sex pictures fell out and the one I took from the top skidded off the stage. Anyway there was quite a gasp from the small crowd and my girlfriend ran off stage totally emabarrased. I just sat their kind of stupid looking.

Car stories appear to be the most popular form of the "oh, s***" genre, so I'll toss in my own.

I went to lunch with a couple of coworkers back when I was working at another company, and I was in the front passenger seat as we were coming back. Our office was on a very busy street, and traffic was completely backed up, blocking the street where our driver needed to make a left turn. People politely left a gap in all three lanes so she could cut through.

Unfortunately, there was a fourth lane, which was a turn lane that was wide open. As our driver cut through the three blocked lanes, I said, "I think there's another -" and then we were in the fourth lane, and all I could see was the grill of a truck heading straight into me. That truck is seared - seared - into my memory.

Fortunately, our driver accelerated just enough where the truck hit the rear passenger door instead of my front passenger door. Everything that I could hit messed up a body part. I broke a rib on the armrest, got a concussion from the side of the roof, and in a bit of bad luck, the little handle to roll the window up and down caught me in the knee. It didn't break the skin, but the internal bleeding turned my whole leg a nice brownish-black from my knee to my ankle.

That split-second view of the truck coming in was my 'oh, s***' moment.

Reminds me of the time I had intestinal blockage. After about 5 days or barking and no pooping, I went to the doctor, and while I lay on the eamination room table, he pressed against my abdomen in a few places. I pressed there as well, and we must've moved the bubble or something... I ran to the men's room to no avail. I walked out of the clnic commando style.

S. Calif., 1978, getting discharged from the military soon. 2 buddies and I decide to grab some beer and see the sights around town and the area one last time. The beer mostly gone we stop to drain the main and notice a rear tire, left side looks a little ragged from driving over something on those desert dirt roads. Influenced enough and a little tired we decide to let it ride and change it back at the base. Getting back on the pavement we drive a few miles and are rounding a right-hand curve when the left rear blows swerving us over to the guard rail. I jerk the wheel to straighten up, hit the rail at an angle ( it's one of those low type, more for marking the edge rather than stopping cars) and we vault over it. Speed was around 55 mph. Down below is the main interstate between LA and Vegas. Impact hit my forehead against the steering wheel and I see stars and black. As we turn upside down, I remember thinking to myself; "it sure is taking a long time to hit the ground". Still groggy from the forehead smack, I hear in the background metal crunching and glass breaking. We had finally landed, straight down on the roof after sailing over a 60 ft embankment more like a cliff than a slope, smashed the roof flat, making it even with the trunk and hood, seat belts helped keep me and the guy in front stationary, only broke my collar bone and the other guy slightly cracked his sternum. GI in the back thought wearing your belt was sissy and never did - almost died, in a coma for 3 weeks (he recovered) and got me nailed with a very serious time before the judge. My BAT was below legal limit but the extenuating circumstances (the auto accident) got me arrested and the fact that I had to use an over-worked public defender got me nailed in court to no jail time but a black mark in the file and some long term probation. Never went back to California after that.

Oh yea, when we landed it was upside down, on the highway shoulder, facing the wrong way and 20 feet in front of a highway patrol car monitoring traffic! We both had an "oh shit" moment. Needless to say we had help right away. Naturally they had to pry the doors open to get us out and I can still remember somebody asking "everybody OK in there?" before the fire department showed up with extraction tools. I almost answered "sure buddy, just a little tire problem" but it didn't seem wise after a little hesitation.

I was between two Mexican gang members with large knifes, and the guy they wanted to kill.........