I pray whatever you have it makes you incapable of reproducing.

Come on man. You're better than that. That's weak sauce Fat Elvis type shit.

ROFL You probably have herpes, but it's pretty insignificant. As a really fat guy, I did ****ing awesome with the ladies when I was single, because I just never gave a ****. I just heard no more than you did. Comparatively speaking though, I had no chance at herpes. LOL

LMAO


I only find it funny because my spelling sucks and every body knows it.

maybe man

my chlamydia had to go untreated for like 5 months

my ex was having horrible abdominal pain and her doctor was like...

"well do you think you could have an STD?"

and she's like no I've only been with 1 guy since my last check and he doesn't have anything...

wellllllllllllllllll

that was an unpleasant discovery

Holy shit LMAO

The mods should resign if they don't change your name to Valtrex.

Wow lol

I have two friends that have herpes (that I know of)...

one only found out because he had blood work done for something and they were like "oh by the way..."

he's never had 1 outbreak

the other friend says he has about 1 per year and while it's awful...they really aren't as bad as they sound

me? I've never had a reason to think I have them so...yay me. When I had to go to the clinic when I found out about chlamydia that's all my test came back with...I figured I had AIDS.

:spock:

ROFL You're on fire today. And I'm not talking about your urethra!

But I ain't mad at you. Shit, you're living the life I kinda lived years and years ago, without the STD's, of course.

unnecessary valtrex LOL

So what's your goal, to have as much unprotected sex with as many random skanks as possible until your dick falls off?

she honestly wasn't that mad

she was a cool girl

I felt like a miserable prick for a few days though...I didn't cheat on her or anything...it was definitely a pre-existing condition.

when that happens you take a pill and you're not supposed to have sex for 7 days...well we figured if we used condoms it would be fine

she moved to California after that summer and went for a check up

and she was like "oh by the way...we have chlamydia still"

I was like

****

but she got her doctor to give her a double dosage and she sent me the other half so that saved me another trip to scumbag clinic ville

ROFL You can only dance on the razor's edge for so long.

Necessary valtrex
Posted via Mobile Device

I have nothing to hide. I think this shit is funny. I realize the board demographic thinks it's disgusting and immature...and it is. But hey, I enjoy life. I don't enjoy condoms. Calculated risks.

If a 10 out of 10 wanted to bang me and right before hand she said "hey I have herpes" I'd bust out my don't care piano and bang her anyways. Without a C. Whatever man.

ROFL It just doesn't end. My stomach hurts I'm laughing so hard.

Congratulations, you have herpoghonnocyphilititaids

Being disgusting, and immature, I find it ****ing hilarious. Play it without a G. You need all the vitamin C you can get.

That sent shivers down my spine.

Lol dude
Posted via Mobile Device

I generally turn into a girlfriend guy.

If a bang a girl who is hot and makes me laugh, I generally try and see where it goes. I'm not the guy who just wants to have a one night stand and wash my hands clean of it...

unless the girl is a 5 or 6 but that's overtime material

Overtime: when the bar closes, you go to the local food establishments all the drunks go to and you are able to land anything that shows any interest and no matter how hideous or terrible she is your friends can't make fun of you for it because you're an overtime...and those are overtime rules

Hootie, what happens after you're done banging a chick for 5 minutes?

This is not a troll, wondering how the average Hootie hookup goes, from leaving the bar to kicking the slut out.

Actually, he really is LMAO

The CDC estimates like 16% of people from the age of 16-49 have genital herpes. Apparently there is a rather large percentage of those that never show symptoms of the disease but still pass it on..

So that's 1 in 5. 1 in 5 chicks Hootie bones likely has the Herp.

those are my only two run ins with STDs

when I hooked up, the very first time, with the rape girl (the story where everyone considers me a rapist)...

we had been flirting at work a lot

well I went back to her place and we started going at it and she was like "hey I have chlamydia I can't have sex for a few days"

I still tried talking her into having sex. I thought to myself..."eh?"

Do you also have anxiety issues?

If the answer is yes, you may want to talk to a doctor about your blackouts.

I am going to scrub my pubes extra hard tonight. Just to be sure.

in the morning I'm usually really condescending but in a funny way

I introduced my last girlfriend to my mom and sister but when I introduce girls I condescend them and I make up details about their lives that aren't real

and we call them Rick girls because they think it's funny...

it's hard to explain

but my sister said to her..."I remember a time when my brother was actually a sweet kid..."

when I met this girl's parents...before they came to town..it was a game day...so we were all getting super drunk

well I did 5 car bombs before 11 AM

...

yeah

by 7 PM I was picking bloody boogars out of my nose and wiping them on her arm...in front of her parents

IMPRESSIONS MAN, IMPRESSIONS

There's a morning?

I'm disappointed.

Keep in mind though, that's EVERYONE. He's banging girls out of bars. That number has to jump to 3 out of 5. Minimum.

ISU had a high herpes population

I haven't been to ISU for years

Champaign isn't as bad, from what I hear.

but hey...what the **** do I know? Maybe I'll go get an STD check next week and post the results in this thread.

ROFL ROFL ROFL For ****'s sake, you couldn't wait a few days? Let her block the punt and go into overtime, man.

dude I'm not an asshole

and besides, I rarely remember evening pounding sessions...sometimes if I'm lucky I'll remember a highlight like "whoa that girl let me do this!"

so mornings is where I get to have my emotional, sensual poundings

Holy shit. Me and Hootie aren't that different.

I was ****ing a chick with HPV so I'm sure I have/had that shit (but everyone does so who gives a shit) and I once had gonorrhea.

LMAO

This is sad.

Yes, he more than likely is of the carrier but no outbreaks variety.

Hootie, always making the best of a bad situation.
Posted via Mobile Device

well she wouldn't let me

this is the same girl where I discovered the nuva ring

after her chlamydia cleared up

we were at my place...drunk

we both knew it was time to consumate our love

so I was, you know...drunk...so foreplay is out the window...I'm gonna finger that hole wet and then hit it with my pummel stick, figuratively speaking

so I go down there with my two thickest fingers of course...and as I'm inside I'm like "wtf?"

so I pull something out...granted this is 6 years ago and I'm super confused...it felt like a cock ring

so I slip it out of there...and look at it, look at her

and then it goes right in my mouth

and I stare at her

and she's says...

"get that out of your mouth right now!"

and I'm like...oooook, what is it?!?

and she's like "my nuva ring"

at that point I just stfu and went to pound town

next day...wikipedia: nuva ring

I was like..."ooooooh, cool"

Oooooooook. Me and Hootie are nothing alike...

Don't 1 out of 2 chicks have it? I'm pretty sure we all have it bruh

Yes, if there are words I wish to associate with poundings, it's "emotional" and "sensual."

sometimes with my ex she wouldn't let me pound her in the AM and she'd have to go to class

and I'd be like "ok I'm gonna jerk it in your room"

and she was like "fine whatever just lock the door so my roommates don't come in"

so I'd leave the kleenex on her pillow and go home

she didn't really like that so much

ROFL

ROFL

ROFL

ROFL

Sensual Poundings

like I said

when she brushed it off and was like "it's my nuva ring..." like I was supposed to know what the **** that was

Fantasy football team name.

Emotional, Sensual Poundings

I'm not sure, but that sounds right to me.

It doesn't do shit to guys but it causes like 90% of all cases of cervical cancer in women. So keep on giving the gift, boys!

Make it so...

ROFL OMFG :Lin: You should write a book. ROFL ROFL ROFL

all of my friends and I used to destroy a certain bar on football Sundays and I'd call my then girlfriend up and get a ride after the 3 PM games

and I'd just berate her on the phone and my friends would all just be laughing because they couldn't believe the stuff I was saying...

and then the conversation would come to an end

but before she could hang up...I'd be like...HEY

and she'd be like... what?

and I'd go, in a very emotional and soft voice: "I love you." (we had been dating for like a month maybe)

which would crack my friends up

and she'd be like... "click"

I'm in a coffee shop laughing my balls off right now.

God damn, Hootie. Just, god damn.

ROFL I have to leave. I'm going to pull a muscle.

two of my friends and I went on a KC road trip because I had 3 tickets and we knew we were going to go to Westport that night

and we set 3 goals for our night

we had to:

make out with a girl
get slapped by a girl
and have a girl throw a drink on one of us

so by 1:30 AM I had accomplished the first two

we were all at Kelly's I think...

HUGE CROWD OF PEOPLE

and I don't know what the **** I said to this girl...but at about 1:45 AM all of the sudden I was talking to my friend Andy and WHAM...the girl showers me (and about 10 other people) with her massive beer...

and we looked at each other

and just started ****ing laughing hysterically

it was the perfect moment

that's got to be a horrible feeling for a girl

you're so mad...and the only way you can relieve this anger is to throw your drink on someone

so you muster up the courage...hoping for a reaction

you throw your drink on this asshole guy

and what does he do?

start laughing hysterically and high fiving his friends

You have to set goals.

Lol I don't think your bar antics would last long in westport hoot

As long as you aren't pulling your love muscle reading this shit we are ok
Posted via Mobile Device

Why, I do all kinds of crazy shit in westport
Posted via Mobile Device

I've been there about 5 times and one time I got really, really, really, really close to getting the shit beat out of me.

I got kicked out of the piano bar place.

so you're theory is probably correct

however...my antics don't go over particularly well anywhere

at my sister's wedding we went to a bar in Missouri afterwards...and within 5 minutes (after the reception...this is post game reception) a big cherokee bouncer guy literally picked me up...and threw me out of the bar

You gotta stop high fiving, though. That shit's high school.

Edit: You gotta stop about 65% of the shit you're describing in this thread, however. But it is my opinion that you are a lost cause on nearly all of it but the high fiving.

Who is this guy you're mouth fingering hootie?

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.n...174_1208_n.jpg

LMAO LMAO LMAO

I'm laughing so hard it hurts! LMAO

I know some aging hippies in their 60s and 70s that dropped acid all the time. They are fine. I'm not advocating it, but a lot of us did it in the 70s and survived with no issues at all.

my friend Steve and I used to move to different restaraunts when we were younger and were best friends etc etc etc

he was the first impression guy...I was the one that gave TERRIBLE first impressions

and they'd always be like..."dude, wtf is up with that guy?"

and steve would be like..."I promise he'll grow on you"

and then he'd tell them the infamous 19 year old Rick story

my other sister's wedding

we take a huge limo back to the reception after the actual ceremony

and we just get obliterated...everyone in the wedding party

now let me remind you...this is MY SISTER'S wedding...so everyone in my family is there. Everyone. I'm 19.

I'm just shit faced drunk. So etc etc etc

the male wedding party or whatever...the 6 of us

they want us to karaoke the Sister Christian song...so everyone is karaoking it...and I'm just blasted out of my mind...I'm not singing, I'm an adult

so my brother-in-law decides to hand me the mic

my entire family is there

so the one word I decide to say...in front of everyone

is definitely the n word

...

the next day I wake up...and my mom is like "so uhh...going to your sister's for brunch...you're not invited."

so the point of his story is:

It's just pretty much my world and everyone is living in it.

When are we going out?

:LOL::LOL::LOL:

Are you are my hero.

Did you just drop the n-bomb and drop the mic?

I'm actually more mature these days.

I had to retire my two favorite moves:

The GDL and the shirt trick.

GDL: (Grab, dip, lick). You grab a girl (not aggressively, just to get her attention)...she turns around. You then dip a few fingers in her drink, and then lick said fingers...and then compliment her for her drink choice.

Popularity scale of move: 1 out of 10. They hate it.

the shirt trick: you see a pretty girl sitting at the bar...you approach her from behind...and then jump over her head with your shirt....only keep said shirt over her head for less than 2 seconds otherwise they get really, really, really, really mad instead of just really mad

popularity scale of said move: 0 out of 10

brother-in-law took said mic

and everyone just looked at me in utter disbelief

my friends all laughed and said "well, what did you expect"

ROFL How many times have you been punched or beaten in a bar?

Did you ever bang a girl with either move?

There is a risk in everything you do. One of the highest risks is driving a car. Much higher risk of death than dropping acid. Do you ride in cars?

I picture Hootie busting out a long N on his N-bomb.

Never.

Dude I look like a big guy. I'm a pussy, but I look pretty tough being 6'3" and 200 lbs.

also

my friends are just ****ing massive

but I have made many a boyfriend really mad

and when they approach me I immediately try and touch their penis or tell them how strong I think they are and start petting them

I've learned this makes them really mad.

or one time this guy charged me and I was like "oh shit" so I just immediately took my pants off...in front of everyone at my regular bar...and started jumping up and down

and he stopped...and was like "wtf?" and then turned around and left.

so I have a few moves to get out of dicey situations

Search my posts. I tried last time I was there. No response.

We hit tomfooleries, then Kelly's then to shark bar, lol, then ended at martini corner.

Oh then some asshole cabby took us to the shady lady. I told him it sucked prior, he told me it was much better.

I guess the underwear and bras did cover up some of the stink
Posted via Mobile Device

no, never

now granted the shirt trick was my ex's FAVORITE move ever and her friends found it hysterical

so I'd do it to them...or if they talked me into doing it to some random I'd do it just because at worst...I'd get kicked out of the bar and I'd still get to bang my then girlfriend.

well actually at worst I probably could have been arrested because I'm sure that can be construed as assault

ROFL ROFL ROFL My ****ing God. I'm dying. I had some CRAZY ****ing friends when I was younger. You? I want to go drinking with you now.

the best is when they get all super aggressive with me

and I'll be like..."I'll suck your dick!"

or "I suck dick!" Just a general statement of sucking dick.

and for some reason they find that just INFURIATING

my friends will be like

"jesus dude that guy got mad at you because you told him you suck dick."

I make fun of myself, and they want to fight me.

It's fascinating.

LMAO