I think this is one of 3 homages now...Rausch was another one that I think falls into this category. Nothing wrong with it...honestly, even if you felt the urge to go full-fledged traditional roast on a dude like Hamas...how could you do it? The dude doesn't have too many flaws, IMO. I mean, there was that time where he lost a bet or something (to that R8ers guy?) and was gone for a year, but the dude was admirable even in that exchange...he actually held his end of the deal...which kind of sucked for us, considering he was absent for a year, but still...showed some dignity. I like the Hamas Jenkins dude...I've learned many vocabulary words via reading his posts and looking certain words up...same with SNR and Baby Lee (when he's not posting obscure celebrity/movie/TV show/etc. references.)

'Hamas' bet against Tebow was the only thing missing in that roast.

And the bag of shit story.

Hamas badly flubbed the Michael Brown saga but he's one of the few posters I notice. He had two hall of fame moments I can recall:

1) his claim last Spring about needing porn involving a "runaway teen" taking "multiple ropes" to the face. I truly don't believe Tolstoy could've wordsmithed it any better. I even read the post to a couple golf buddies who laughed heartily.

2) his complaint about some ref I've never heard of who did our AZ game this season. And how he'd rather "watch a snuff film of my grand kids murdering my kids" than see him ref a game. The dual-action shock and glee I felt was quite rare.

That's talent.

Protein ropes dude. Runaway teen taking protein ropes to the face.

I laughed about that shit for DAYS.

I missed the snuff film though. That's hilarious as hell.

The 'John Matrix' poo-thread is pure CP legend made manifest. An unstoppable n00b just RAPING the entire board, all detractors squarely served.

Glorious.

That sounds hot. Anyone got a link?

Yes! You are right. I can't even remember it let alone write it. Dude should've won a Pulitzer for that.

It's in the hall of Classics.

No, no. The protein ropes.

No idea there dude.

'Hamas' Jackoff was the first CP poster to give me NEG REP and to this day, he leads the pack by a wide margin giving me RED.

Grumpy bastard personified and I'm sure he will add more! :spock:

Just search "runaway teen"

Yeah, that was the Ralph Fiennes In Bruges reference.

Spoiler alert if you haven't seen the movie:

You better swim to shore fast. The sharks can smell you.

Wow, you must be really stupid then.

:D Jk, jk.

Turn the frown upside down; it's chiefs red, so that's kinda cool...

There is only 1 Hamas. And this place is what it is because of him. He makes me belly laugh more than anyone.

I consider Hamas one of the most intelligent posters on CP. He has called a few of my opinions on various subjects stupid, but he always states very clearly why he thinks the opinion is stupid. I can see why some posters may think he is arrogant, but I think he is just really intelligent and confident in his opinions. This place is less fun when he isn't around.

Hamas should post more. If it weren't for guys like him and Milkman and a few others, this forum would be a Chiefs Coalition or some other such garbage-clone. But, seeing as how he is both intelligent and has a legitimate local program to follow, I can see how the Chiefs have dulled his interest.

Outstanding work from the red and gold, per usual operating procedure.

I would buy Hamas a beer, I think the conversation would be interesting.

I don't know what's worse, forgetting the picture, or remembering it 3 days later. :facepalm:

Hide your wife or girlfriend, if she looks at him incorrectly he will throw said beer on her.

Just a note: my birthday is in 4 days.

My wife's birthday is today.

I didn't get her anything. What she wanted for Christmas/birthday this year was for me to act like I am happy and don't hate the holidays.

Ugh, it's tough... I just gain so much weight...and feel like I get interrogated by certain family members in our conversations....and WE SPEND TOO MUCH GOD DAMN MONEY.

I ****ing hate this time of year.

I spent $600.

On me.

No one in my family celebrates Christmas. It owns.

That's pretty badass.

yeah, badass

sounds like clay is living the dream

...oh wait

We get together for thanksgiving. It's not like my family never exchanges gifts...we just don't do Christmas.

You are super cranky the last few days...Chiefs got you down? o:-)

I would love to be in a situation where A.) I have $600 extra money to spend and B.) It's not being spent on perfume, Frozen barbie stuff, spray-tanning sessions, etc. It's pretty badass...comparably speaking. Compared to what I'm working with.

I think I'd take being Rico with a happy and healthy family over being Clay who doesn't have to celebrate Christmas 25 times out of 25.

Rico has kids? Sounds like hell.

That's what you get for dressing up like mullet man.

We just went through this dude...you know...my daughter's name...? :)

Hell, my wife plays the mullet man's white trash wife... her name is Roxy. My wife is pretty funny.

ROFL

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=272734

Probably lost more money due to his gambling habit and piss poor ability to pick a winner.

Or somebody peed on him.

gambling addiction or meth addiction

gambling addiction or meth addiction

wow, tough choice

I'm sure meth is pretty badass until the euphoria wears off, the comedown sets in and your teeth start rotting....until that point though...I bet it's a blast.

I've never had a meth addiction, Rick.

And I've been sober for three years.

Perhaps you should give it a go. I'll find a meeting for you in your area.

Ahhh, passive aggressive, good choice

how much money did you lose? have you diagnosed your live for cirrhosis?

I was expecting SNR to open an anal pear inside me. That was too nice.

2. Rain Man

http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb2...vin_Nealon.gif

I’ll wait for everybody to finish having their periods over the fact that Rain Man is not #1. Take your time. Do what you gotta do.

…

We good?

Okay. We’re not here to quibble about rankings. We’re here to celebrate the illustrious career of Rain Man and another fantastic year of posts full of wit, humor, polls, and fun with randomizers. #2 is a phenomenal ranking that any mother with a son whose children are a bunch of cats should be proud of.

So as a tribute, I’m going to do for Rain Man what he’s done for us all these years. I’ve programmed a few scenarios where my computer will randomly generate some matches for the names I input. Due to time, I’m only selecting 4 participants from a specific list of snubs in every scenario, but Rain Man will be present in all of them. I assure you all that the simulations are totally randomized through my computer. If you don’t like what you got, there’s not much I can do for you.

I thought I’d start off with one of Rain Man’s favorite topics: geography.

Which non-US city should you move to?

1. stevieray- Hope you like tea and flowers. You’ll get a lot of that stuff in Souzhou, China
2. KcMizzou- At least you won’t have to learn a new language. Well, sort of. Enjoy your new life in Perth, Australia
3. TribalElder- You’re not a Nazi, are you? If so, you’ll have plenty of friends in Buenos Aires, Argentina.
4. Rain Man- It just takes awhile to get used to. Have fun in Mogadishu, Somalia

Okay, so for the next one, I can’t be as story-driven or organized as Rain Man had envisioned these turning out, but there’s no reason why I can’t make it dull and unexciting. In this scenario, I’m reviving the B-29 bomber simulator.

How does your bombing mission go?

1. Dartgod- You’re the co-pilot. Your aircraft encounters turbulence and heavy fire, but your succeed in your run. Congratulations. Go have an ale.
2. loochy- You’re the bombardier. Your mission could not have gone any better. Your bombs hit exactly on the targets, and your plane didn’t get so much as a scratch. Well done!
3. Amnorix- You just sort of came along for the ride. Nobody really knows why you’re here, but you manage to not only survive the bombing run, but also not get in the way of everybody else. Good work!
4. Rain Man- You’re the pilot. You're doing a good job keeping your bomber out of trouble when the German planes start attacking, but you quickly realize that you’re flying too high, and none of your targets are hitting. You attempt a daring dive through a dense cloud of projectile shrapnel and sustain heavy damage to the engines. Your co-pilot Black Bob gets a large phallic-shaped piece of glass speared through his mouth and down his throat. He coughs blood everywhere and finally chokes to death. Your crew in the bomber is doing the best they can, but you can sense that they are also taking time and energy to actively hate you for being such a moron. As you sit there feeling sorry for yourself, you’re not watching what you’re doing and a German fighter slams into the side of the plane. Your crew is now dead, and you only have moments to grab your parachute under the seat and jump out of the spiraling wreckage. You miraculously land safely in an enemy camp. The commanding officer stationed there is an enormous psychotic pervert, and he rapes you to death over the next 5 days. Better luck next time.

If Chiefs Planet members were trees, what kind of tree would they be?

1. Gonzo- North American Larch
2. listopencil- Russian Olive Tree
3. Sully- Black Hills Spruce
4. Rain Man- Deciduous AIDS Tree with Dutch Elm Disease rooted in the middle of Ferguson, MO

If Chiefs Planet members were Star Trek characters, who would they be?

1. KC Native- T’Pol from Star Trek: Enterprise
2. Pablo- Talleyrand from Star Trek: Original Series
3. Saulbadguy- Kurn from Star Trek: The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine
4. Rain Man- Well, Rick Berman got drunk one night and tried to write a Voyager script where they encounter a dimensional rift and out pops Jar Jar Binks from the shitty Star Wars movies. You’re Jar Jar Binks. You die horribly (but with plenty of slapstick!) at the end of the episode when you run a WWII B-29 bomber simulation and Seven of Nine turns the safety protocols off.

What should be your next meal?

1. Sofa King- Chicken Kiev
2. morphius- BLT on toasted rye bread
3. Bwana- Teriyaki-marinated skirt steak salad
4. Rain Man- A bowl of antifreeze with a goddamn turd in it you ****ing asshole. You arrogant piece of shit for ****’s sake how many of these goddamn random scenarios have you run through on the planet over the years? Dozens at least, I’m sure. I’ve participated in most of them for sure. Let’s say you’ve done 20 of them. I know most recently you assigned us U.S. counties to live in and you gave me the poorest ****ing piece of shit in Alabama. Also, YOU ****ING SET ME ON ****ING FIRE DURING THE B-29 SIMULATIONS! I don’t want to ****ing hear about the software you use or how it was generated, okay? You can’t ****ing tell me that a goddamn computer came up with me dying in a mother****ing fire just randomly, and then through luck of the goddamned draw I’m a 60 year-old prostitute with leprosy living in a hut made out of used dildos in the bad part of town in Scumsuck, Alabama! And I know I can’t be the only person you’ve ****ed over like this through these fun little years whenever you’re feeling playful. I’m going to ask my computer right now if I ever meet you in person what I should do upon the initial greeting—say hello or punch you in the goddamn throat. Tell you what, I’ll let it be a surprise when that time comes, asshole. I hope the janitor takes a dump on your ****ing desk in your corner office some time in the next week.

And the there was Juan

ROFL that was awesome! I may move to Denver and apply to be a janitor...

Well, guess we all know who is #1. The list maker should have his testicles squeezed in a vice until they burst.

Great Rain Man roast though.

Snubbed again. Time to pull out my AK and head to the Mall.......

How awesome would it be to not name Clay #1 right now?

I would laugh. Hard.

I rarely LOL and the ending to the Rain Man roast had me LOLLING.

<iframe width="640" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/tm-xiztBsFA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I also like the mention of Listo, Sully, and Pablo as snubs. Quality, underrated posters.

Rain Man isn't #1?

LMAO that's the perfect gif

Somehow I doubt it...

Something has to happen with the anticipated #1, or this is going to be more anticlimactic than __________ .

Awesome.

Dude, watch him get intentionally snubbed

Gosh, thanks everybody. I work really hard to be a good poster and I really appreciate the -

Wait.

What?

I came in second?

Some m**********r's gonnna die.

ROFL

LOL!

I do believe that is the first time RM has ever typed out a cussword on CP.

"let's check with tim bone live on the scene..."

He didn't type it out. He censored himself. ROFL

Lol...he did earlier this year, I believe. I don't think it was the f word though. I think it was shit.

Numerous gifs of "Number 2" being a douche. Well played...:hmmm:

THAT IS NUMBER ONE.

AustinChief was already #17

Mr. Worf....fire.

http://media.tumblr.com/eea1adff699d...AH41sr5wwh.gif

Daru for #1!

I misspelled "badgirl"

The best possible outcome now would to never complete the list. Just end it now.

Brilliant.

The Top 101 CP Posters of 2014 Part 2 Presented by SNR
 

I caught him saying "****" in a game thread once. Probably after something Alex Smith did.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm calming down now. It's going to be all right.

I'm going to accept this for what it is. It's a wake up call. Maybe I've been coasting. Maybe I've been taking things for granted. But I am determined to make 2015 my best year ever. I am going to climb back to the peak, just like Brett Favre did.

LMAO