Thanks a bunch, Bearcat! :thumb:

Milkman's roast had too much math for me.

You're a ****ing dumbass

Who are you again?

Get him, Flopnuts.

Better than you.

Saccapoo and Flopnuts, Fruit of the Loom cowers in fear at the prospect.

ROFL I just woke up my wife I laughed so hard at that. Damn you, Baby Lee!

LOL 😊

SNR is a creative dude.

I actually took it and that's my actual score for Milkman's test. Took me a good 10 minutes to read through it and select my answers. 10 minutes I'll never have back.

I see dead people, dumbest ones too...

5. Mr. Flopnuts

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/af/afb3...8515ab0805.jpg

"The People's Mod is the People's Noose"
By BlackBob

I am a concerned citizen of Chiefs Planet, and wish to speak to you today about a problem not many of you realize is tearing apart the fabric of your precious forum. I'm speaking about Mr. Flopnuts, also known to many of you as "the People's Mod."

Understand that I have not been here long, but because I'm just as bad as Mav in terms of acting like I was around for all these important events before I ever joined CP, I have done my research. I have concluded that Mr. Flopnuts, while loyal to his friends, is using his Supermoderator powers as a member of the Drafturbators to institute a totalitarian groupthink society, with him in charge.

Mr. Flopnuts is a wolf in sheep's clothing. He lies about his actions and modding record, and convinces everybody that the lies he spreads are the truth. He makes you happy that he is poaching off your species little by little because he's doing population and conservation control measures. Here's how things got to be this way.

November 14, 2010: Mr. Flopnuts tells a Raiders troll who wants to gloat after a Chiefs loss, "I hope your children are sodomized by a 400 lb man." Flopnuts receives an infraction and a temp ban. He reaches out to Penn Jillette on Facebook asking if he knows the reason why. It's revealed in a thread that morphius, doing his job under heavy pressure, made a quick-thinking judgment call, since Flopnuts' hoodie and bag of skittles seemed threatening. This creates a lens for the public to view and criticize. Flopnuts is released, acts cordial and nice about it, but morphius continues to get lambasted as a victim of his sociopathic lust for power.

Approximately five months later, a public election is held for new additions to the modding staff. Mr. Flopnuts wins overwhelming support after an organized campaign of baby-kissing and sucking up to other members at Chiefs events. Democratically elected, he immediately announces a conservative moderating administration, preferring to let the invisible hand of the market rape whatever trolls are behaving out of line: "Happy to be here. Happy to serve. I'm pretty much just here to clear out graphic porn pics, spam, and the like. Trolls? Well, I'd rather **** with them than ban them, so we'll take that one step at a time." http://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showpost....1&postcount=51

Believing he can further win favoritism through bread and circuses, he takes a radical pro-tags position, advocating for their traditional return on draft day and beyond. Instantly he is as beloved as DaFace as a mod.

Behind the scenes, Mr. Flopnuts reverts into his real personality. Some sources have told me that Mr. Flopnuts is the kind of person that gets excited about a Drafturbator Fantasy Football Auction League, gets wasted, and then at the beginning of the auction drives up the price of Adrian Peterson just to be a huge asshole. He spends half his money on one player, realizes he's screwed, and then lets the machine autobid for the rest of his players.

He does a good job keeping the streets clean, but then proposes a massive cleanup of the DC Forum by cracking down on the racist comments. I'm not a racist, but I would extend the same rights of somebody to be critical of a group of people as long as they protected by right to think reeruned things about the best players on the Chiefs who are the only ones who legitimately try to win every week. That is a huge concern. Mr. Flopnuts oversteps his bounds constantly. He's a tyrant. He disguises his beatings that he delivers to his children as fun and games.

And how does he justify this? By going back to his protective inner circle cock ring of friends to justify his vote, always maintaining a courteous and respectful tone that makes everybody's vagina tingle with delight. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...282036&page=22

Because of people like him, a witch hunt forum culture has developed that seeks to persecute free-thinking individuals. I was a victim of the MOB attacks in 2013. Consider for a moment that "MOB" is only one letter away from "Mod." Go back and watch the tape of this thread if you don't believe me.

I'm not beyond using self-deprecating humor and intellectual humility to sway people to my opinions. It just never works for me because I'm really ****ing annoying. That's fine. But when you're a snake in the grass, you can whisper whatever venom you wish into the true people's ear and have them believe that their freedom and sovereignty are not being threatened by the rise of an oligarchical tyranny under Der Flöprer.

Stand with me alongside the other n00bs who find this place sickening and leave forever after 48 hours! Together we can create a Chiefs Planet where utter dumb****s and lunatics aren't insulted for spewing vile garbage everywhere!

LMAO LMAO LMAO

Please change his name to this.

OMFG That....That....That brought a tear to my eye. From laughter. That sir, is a piece of art. And 100% accurate, so don't **** with me, n00bs.

ROFL Whoever changed my name for me, Hitler bless you!

P.S- **** you, Saccopoo.

Holy shit that was hilarious. SNR should be a lead writer on a top three TV comedy.

I had roasted you on everything else about 1000 times over. "The People's Mod" was the only thing remaining I could go after. That, and it's too soon to make Seattle Sonics jokes.

Dude, you did your homework. You tracked down threads, and remembered some things that I didn't expect. That was ****ing brilliant. You've set the bar. ;)

Oh, and thanks for being a pal about the Sonics. I literally just started watching pro basketball again this year.

The mention of how he acted during the CP Fantasy Football auction draft was spot on. ROFL

You seem nice.

****ing
Awesome.

Good luck topping that ONE snr

Mr. Flopnuts eats pizza?

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/KSD0Mjt64LQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

****er...

Seriously though, I've waited for someone else to point out that Penn Jillette is Ari Chiefs, who looks just ****ing like Penn. CP, I am disappoint.

Good roasters are a dying breed.

Gold

#4 SNR http://gulfnews.com/polopoly_fs/1.65...3852166256.jpg

SNR is everything wrong with internet culture. Don't believe me, just look at this board. Here on this manly football board where alpha dog mentality reigns supreme perhaps more than on any other board besides the musclehead alphapillowbiters board, our top 5 consists of a 400lb fat ass, a guy who uses dog shit as retaliation against females, and 3 Star Trek geeks. Wow. And if Rainman isn't a Star Trek geek, well who gives a shit? He owns a company that does surveys for a living, and his manliness piques at removing advertising from his neighborhood light poles, and is the master of polls here on Chiefsplanet. That's a lot poles/polls for an alpha dog.

Back to SNR. He's a pianist. Say that fast enough, and yeah, you know. This is a guy that in all of his alpha dog mentality decided to pursue a doctorate in music. And what did he do with it? He became a music teacher. You know, those who can, do, and those who can't? Teach. I'd be pissed too. Don't get me wrong. He's made a couple of albums on classical music that he's so proud of, he promised to send me a CD for months and never delivered. Much like his album I'd guess. Makes me think it must be like Amazon authors. Write a book, sell no copies on Amazon, but hey! You're still an author! That means SNR is a musician damnit!

The guy has been here for 12 years. That's a dozen for you laymen. SNR's words, not mine. He's kind of a supremist douche. As a drafturbator, you know the type. He self annointed himself as a candidate for the GM job when Carl was let go, http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=199759

and even started the "Raise your hand if you're smarter than John Dorsey, and Andy Reid" thread. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=270487

You're the only person in the room that doesn't know he's better, and smarter than you. The dude is such an elitist douche that he thought you needed to know that John Goodman wasn't really dead. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=230781

Between his narrcisstic better than you mentality, and his clear schematic advantage at composing music, everyone knows what a huge Star Trek nerd he is. Totally manly, right? Let's play a game. Let's play the who started this thread game. "What's your favorite Star Trek episode". Clay, right? Jesus ****, it HAD to be Clay right? http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=242807

**** no. It was SNR. Let's play one more round. "Happy 45th Birthday Star Trek!" Clay? Nope. SNR again. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=249645

Alpha dog to the core. Can anyone else see SNR sleeping with a Wesley Crusher doll until he was 16, and still having it in his closet today? Because I totally can.

I mean, Christ, even his mother is more manly than he is. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=203283

Finally, and most shockingly, who brought rape culture to Chiefsplanet? SNR did. Do you really think it was because he thought rape was funny? I don't. I think it's far more sinister than that. Back in 2011 SNR talked about his impending move to Madison, WI. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=232949

Being the alpha dog that he is, he discussed being unhappy in his current job, and his wife having landed a job there and being totally happy with him playing daddy for a kid not yet born. Now, I know what you're thinking. SNR is married?!?!? I thought it too. He NEVER talks about his wife. But there's further proof this isn't made up. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=246421

She was mentioned here as well. That was it though. Never again. My conclusion is that she left him for a man. Not another man, just a man. She realized she ****ed up right? And what happened from there? Well, that's where this all starts turning upside down. SNR soon created this thread about his colleague hooking up with a student. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=261004

Next it was a simple question on whether or not you would allow your daughter to date someone from Chiefsplanet. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=273393

And then, it became full on rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, rape. Seek help SNR. You can control your urges. I know it's frustrating having your wife leave you for a man, and I can only imagine the personal hell of having your mother being more manly than you. You're not alone buddy. Actually, yeah. Yeah, you are. Seek help anyway. Everyone has always asked what SNR stands for. Clearly it stands for Secretly Nearing Raper status. We all should've saw the signs. We've all let SNR down.

LMAO LMAO LMAO

I deserve every bit of that for dragging you into half the roasts.

Your country's proud of you, Flop

No pot smoking indian?

Pfffft...

My favorite SNR post of all time.

Dude I'm no SNR, but if you're really happy with it, then that's good enough for me after all the entertainment you've provided me with all of this.

Stupendous roast, by the way, you 400 lb fatass.

Live long and prosper y'all.

However, if I may be butthurt about just one item...

I never received the address that I should send your CD to. You said you were busy moving to a new place at the time and that you would just send me the new one when you got settled in.

I'd be delighted to send one out as a late Christmas gift, though

These roasts are never based in facts, right? ****. I really am a gigantic fat asshole to you...

I totally forgot that detail. I still would love to have it. I'll PM you my address momentarily. :D

I'm down a few pounds. Eating salad every day, yo!

Sorry I round up to the nearest century mark.

LOL It'll be awhile then...

I don't even know the reference to this. I feel ashamed...

Ask SNaRc. He'll tell you.

It's from my first year of posting. Goes waaaaay back.

Basically, I was at a gas station and a guy pulled up to me. Had a reservation license plate. He got out and started lighting up a joint (I could smell it). This is from my more prudish days, so I suggested it might be a better idea for him to do that someplace else. He laughed at me and was being a dick. So when I went in to go pay for the gas, I told the cashier, and she called the cops. Guy got hauled away.

Then I did what any reasonable person would do.

I posted on Chiefs Planet about it.

Unfortunately, it is lost forever from the Great Database Purge.

One of the mods, Phobia I think, changed his username to SNaRc for some time.

ROFL Wow! That's awesome!

When the cops came, you should have yelled:

I BIG CHIEF, YOU SQUATTING DOG

And it's also partly the reason why I like Clay so much.

I posted a lot of stupid shit my first many years on CP. Not just in football matters, either (except if they were conversations about Todd Collins). His antics drew attention away from me and made me seem cool in comparison.

Beat me to it.

Good times...

Will you get Christian Okoye to sign it?

Fyp.....

Well ****ing done!

Holy shit.


You ****ers are awesome.


I want a cd too!

I don't think there's any doubt who the top 3 are. So, in what order? I'm throwing a wrench in all of this and predicting;

3. Rainman (WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?!?!?)
2. Hamas
1. Clay

Honestly, I never pictured SNR as a pissed off black woman....

(skip to 3:10)
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/igQDvYOt_iA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I am both honored and pissed off to have not made the top 101. So, from the bottom of my heart : Thank you and **** off!

Oh, and Merry Christmas!

I think the last person who ranked me third was Mr. Blond.

I believe it was the day before he disappeared.

*Shiver You'll always be number 1 too me!

It really seems like the old school guys who should be in the top 25 got snubbed. I'd love to write your roast. I can guarantee a hair salon would be included. :D

YOU SNUBBED ME! YOU REALLY REALLY SNUBBED ME!

Some of you guys will always be top ten too me!

Here is a poverty roast for stevieray:

LMAO

Great work. Have you ever thought of doing a self-portrait of yourself as FDE?

yes

We'll keep the roasts going. Top 10 snubs that should be on the list but aren't because the list maker(s) didn't know how to plan

You've done a bang up job with this list, SNR. It's been a long, arduous task, and you've sacrificed much to make this thread truly epic. Here is our Christmas present to you for all your hard work....

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/KeaehxEdpgo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Bad planner, my ass.

Who ever the list maker was, that person was ****ing moron.

This applies in my case as well.

Thank you and **** off!

Oh, and Merry Christmas!

You were never listed?

Heh, nope. I expected to find myself in the 40s or 50s.

I want in on the snub roasts. If I can't, maybe I'll do an all-moderator roast. There hasn't been much drama around here ever since phobia and frazod left. Let's start the new year off with some fireworks.

OOHHHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. 'Hamas' Jenkins

http://selfproclaimedmegalomaniac.fi...03/500full.jpg

I apologize in advance. This is going to be another non-roast, but since my Talking Can one went over fairly well, I'm going to do it for Hamas as well. If you don't like it, I invite you to voluntarily ban yourself for a year.

Do you know what makes me smile the most about this place? When you get a new member who's been a Chiefs fan for years, and he gets really super excited that he found such an active and fun forum for Chiefs talk. He eagerly starts gabbing away various platitudes about supporting Alex (or Cassel if you're going back several years) and how the Sea of Red is the best fan experience in the NFL. The guy seems nice, and he thinks everybody on here is just as supportive, because we're all Chiefs fans. But he's not met with supportive or polite discourse. He gets inane comments about his mother and family, suggestions of ways he could kill himself, and nothing but shame and vitriol for his small-minded thinking. The new member says something like, "This forum is a hell hole. What the hell is wrong with you guys?" and is never heard from again.

That is perhaps my favorite part of Chiefs Planet. That notorious reputation among the other Chiefs fan sites is what makes this place so great. It's the toughest saloon this side of Mitch Holthus' disgusting mole on his face.

We have people like Hamas to thank for that. Sure, we've had trolls and dumbasses like Mecca doing that shit for years, but Hamas is much different. I think more than any other member, he has demanded a higher level of posting excellence from this community. And he didn't just do it by storming in and shoving his opinion down everybody's throats as soon as he got here. He didn't act smarter than he really is; he posts intelligent things because he IS that smart. He led by example in showing us what the discourse on this forum was capable of being.

On the internet (and in life for that matter) everybody tends to not listen to new ideas. It could make total sense to them, but if it's not explained in such a way that will soothe a person's ego and convince them that this new idea was something individually researched or realized through intuition, that person probably isn't going to change his or her mind. Very rarely does a person come around that can pull off change in a person's mindset. Especially on the internet, where the absence of pathos can really limit the tools of rhetoric.

Hamas was unique. He would treat you with respect, but he simply wouldn't tolerate stupidity. And it was everywhere. People liked Tyler ****ing Thigpen, for crying out loud. Telling people to go kill themselves was an unconventional way of winning people over to your view of the situation, but when you're as organized and precise of a thinker as Hamas is, the combination of reasoned discourse and offensive insult was quite a lethal 1-2 punch.

There are a handful of brilliant Hamasisms that I've picked up over the years and reframed to fit real conversations. I've been using a lot of metaphor and satire in these roasts, and I've definitely gotten better at it, but I've only been digging them out because I've seen the elegance and grace that can result from their proper and effective use. For instance, when he wrote something like, "Hester Pioli should be forced to wear Cassel's $60 million contract as a scarlet ****ing letter," that opened a new world for me. My Phobia roast would not be here if Hamas had not dared to mix literature with football operations.

The Gang of 14 treatise should be required reading in all Kansas City public schools. Just imagine. The Chiefs Kingdom would be far more representational of CP's attitudes. Mitch Holthus would stop talking about Alex Smith's toughness when he struggles in a game and instead would make a plea for somebody to pour antifreeze into Smith's Gatorade bottle. The next time the Chiefs have the #1 overall pick and draft a MAC conference OT, the NFL Network wouldn't see a room full of cheering drunk assholes. They would see a bunch of signs telling them to go hang themselves from an AIDS tree.

That's why Hamas is #3.

****ing Ralph Fiennes from In Bruges. LMAO

Can you imagine 'Hamas' replacing Mitch Homerus in the broadcast booth.

The radio broadcasts would be better than watching the game on TV.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/242...pes-tear-o.gif

https://s3.amazonaws.com/giphymedia/...F8Bi/giphy.gif